Absolutely Anything (2015)
Simon Pegg: Neil
Photos
Quotes
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Neil Clarke : I can do ANYTHING! Okay... bu... but... what do I *really* want?
[Looks down and laughs]
Neil Clarke : GIVE ME A REALLY BIG DICK!
[Falls over]
Neil Clarke : Augh! ouch! NOT *THAT* BIG! Obviously! Dick, return to your old size!
[Gets up]
Neil Clarke : Agh! Ah... Ok. Um... Let me have a penis that women find exciting!
[Looks down]
Neil Clarke : Yeah, it's good, yeah. Could I have it white?
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[Dennis barks]
Neil Clarke : What are you talking about, Dennis?... Dennis, shut up, I can handle this!... Dennis, what are you talking about? Actually, that is a really good point, what are you talking about? Dennis, be able to speak!
Dennis : Biscuits!
Neil Clarke : What?
Dennis : Biscuits! For crying out loud, they're in the cupboard!
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Neil Clarke : [feeds Dennis] God, it must be terrible being a dog! I never knew you had so many cravings!
Dennis : It's no worse than you and that bitch!
Neil Clarke : What bitch?
Dennis : The bitch you were shagging last night!
Neil Clarke : Oh my god, she's not a bitch, she's a lovely human female! And we weren't shagging!
Dennis : Yes, you were!
Neil Clarke : No we weren't, we were talking!
Dennis : Talking about shagging!
Neil Clarke : No!
Dennis : What else is there to talk about?
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Neil Clarke : Give me a body that people find attractive!
[He turns into a topless woman]
Neil Clarke : No! A male body! Give me the body of a great man!
[Turns into Albert Einstein]
Neil Clarke : No! Give me the body of a man who people find attractive!
[Turns into a hunky guy]
Neil Clarke : Better.
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Neil Clarke : I'm not going to give you a biscuit until you answer my question!
Dennis : Biscuits! Bread biscuits, black biscuits!
Neil Clarke : Is that all you think about?
Dennis : Nothing else matters! Biscuits, please!
Neil Clarke : Dennis, become a rational thinking creature!
Dennis : Look, I just can't concentrate on anything till I've had one of those biscuits! I know it's crazy, but that's how it is. I guess I'm kinda hooked on them. So please, give me just one biscuit, and I'll be able to think about something else!
Neil Clarke : That makes sense.
[goes to the cupboard]
Dennis : Oh, he's getting the biscuits! He's getting the biscuits!
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Neil Clarke : I don't think I like your conversation!
Dennis : But I worship you, master! I love you so much! I can't bear displeasing you! My whole world collapses when you're cross with me!
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Neil Clarke : [Gets knocked off his bike by a car] Screw you!
[the driver of the car sudden feels an invisible person having sex with him]
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[on hearing the bell, Dennis gets excited]
Neil Clarke : Dennis, listen! Listen, listen, listen! Be quiet! That is an order!
Dennis : Right! Right! I like obeying orders, especially your orders!
Neil Clarke : Good. Then shut the fuck up!... Good boy.
Dennis : Okay... okay... shut the fuck up...
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Neil Clarke : Let everybody who died be alive again!
[the living dead rise up]
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Dennis : I wouldn't mind shagging your leg right now...
Neil Clarke : I thought I turned you into a rational thinking creature!
Dennis : Rational thinking creature still have desires!
Neil Clarke : We'll soon deal with that...
Dennis : NO! Don't take my desires away from me!
Neil Clarke : Why not?
Dennis : They wouldn't make my life worth living! Biscuits, shagging!
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Neil Clarke : I could solve every problem in the world!
Dennis : Have you thought this thing through?
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Headmaster : You, Mr Clarke, are totally irresponsible, you are idle and you are feckless.
Neil : Feckless?
Headmaster : Yes, you are without feck. If I could replace you, I would.
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Neil : Absolute power doesn't corrupt. It just drives you bloody mad.
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Neil : [to sobbing woman in grocery store] It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?
Catherine : What?
Neil : The price of pickles. Don't even look at the marinated herring. Honestly, you'd be suicidal.
Catherine : I didn't want them, anyway. Thanks.
[starts walking away]
Neil : Um, I also offer support and counseling on dips, dried fruit, and pasta sauces.
