The Amateur Monster Movie (2011)

Chris Ouchie: Walter Romero

Quotes 

• Walter Romero : I hate zombies in the evening.

• Mr. Englan : Some kind of animal?

  Walter Romero : Uh-huh.

  Mr. Englan : Now that's fishy. That is suspicious, man. Because you know what? This is somewhat of an alarming statistic, but more people die from vending machines falling on them every year than do animal attacks, and that's a fact, man. And do you know what else? I come across a lot of vending machines in my line of work, and do you know how many vending machines I've seen kill people? Not one fucking vending machine. Not one. So, do you know what this information tells me? It tells me that there is something bigger going on, that this is a cover-up. And you've got to blow the lid off this fucker and get right down to the bottom of it. Because that shit ain't right.

• The Guru : Walter. Walter, no matter what happens... I want you to promise me something.

  Walter Romero : What is it?

  The Guru : Promise me you'll stay out of the Moors. Stay out of the Moors!

  Walter Romero : What? Like in England?

  The Guru : Well, yes. But also just in general! And also Scotland.

  Walter Romero : I had no intention of going to the Moors or Scotland.

  The Guru : Grave danger awaits those who enter there. Grave danger!

  Walter Romero : I'm not going to the Moors.

  The Guru : Or Scotland?

  Walter Romero : Okay, okay! I'm not going to Europe, I'm not going to Scotland, and I'm certainly not going to the Moors! I'm staying right here in this town and I'm not going anywhere!

  The Guru : Well, why the hell not? There's a werewolf on the loose here.

• Walter Romero : What were you doing in there?

  Johnny Mason : I... I was pooping.

  Walter Romero : Oh, well I suppose your poop smells like marijuana, ey?

  Johnny Mason : Yeah. Yes. Mhm.

• Johnny Mason : If you need me to buy you beer, man, I can do that. Seriously.

  Walter Romero : That's ok.

  Johnny Mason : Seriously, brah.

  Walter Romero : I don't really need any beer. My dad works for a brewery so I don't really need any help in that department, thanks.

  Johnny Mason : What brewery?

  Walter Romero : I don't know, Duff or something.

  Johnny Mason : What the hell? That is from The Simpsons.

• Booker : I can tell you're a boy scout. You seem very trustworthy, loyal, helpful, kind, friendly, courteous, obedient, thrifty, cheerful, brave, clean, and reverent.

  Walter Romero : I am all of those things.

  Booker : Indeed.

• Walter Romero : Johnny, I want you to stay. I dragged you out here, you don't need to come with me. Please! Don't make this any harder than it has to be. You're staying.

  Johnny Mason : I wasn't even planning on leaving.