Despicable Me 2 (2013)
Steve Carell: Gru
Photos
Quotes
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Gru : I'm a father now, with responsibilities, and a legitimate businessman. I'm developing a delicious line of jams and jellies.
Silas : [chuckles] Jams and jellies?
Gru : Oh, attitude. That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. And here's a tip: instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.
Silas : Ramsbottom.
Gru : [chuckles sarcastically] Oh yeah, like that's any better.
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Gru : [to Dr. Nefario] Just because everybody hates it doesn't mean it's not good.
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[after Gru lied about his fear of dating]
Gru : Good night, Edith.
[gives her a good night kiss and gently pulls the beanie over Edith's eyes]
Gru : Good night, Margo.
[gives her a goodnight kiss, but returns in suspicion]
Gru : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the horses. Who are you texting?
Margo : No one. Just my friend Avery.
Gru : Avery...
[confused]
Gru : Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?
Margo : Does it matter?
Gru : No. No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!
Agnes : I know what makes you a boy.
Gru : [concerned] Uhh... Oooh... you... do?
Agnes : Your bald head.
Gru : [relieved] Oh... yes.
Agnes : It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare it, and imagine a little chick popping out.
[imitating a chick]
Agnes : Peep-peep-peep.
Gru : Good night, Agnes.
[kisses her forehead]
Gru : Never get older.
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Jillian : Gru! It's Jillian!
Gru : [whispers; to Agnes] Tell Jillian I'm not here.
Agnes : Gru's not here!
Jillian : Are you sure?
Agnes : Yes, he just told me.
Jillian : [laughs] Agnes, where is Gru?
[Gru zips his lip]
Agnes : He's... putting on lipstick!
[Gru swings his arms wildly, making buzzing sounds]
Agnes : He's... swatting on flies!
[Gru slices his hand beneath his chin]
Agnes : He's... chopping his head off!
[Gru covers his head, groaning loudly]
Agnes : He's...
[confused]
Agnes : pooping?
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Antonio : [suave] And my dream is to one day play video games for a living.
Margo : [romantically] Wow.
[chuckles]
Margo : You're so complicated.
Gru : Margo...
[the tweens look up and, once seeing Gru, Margo gasps in astonisment]
Gru : [attempts a smile] What is going on here?
Margo : Oh, Gru. Se llama, Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.
Gru : Me llamo-llama-ding dong.
[serious]
Gru : Who cares? Let's go.
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Gru : Huh... You usually don't see that in bunnies.
-
Gru : I'm just chillin' with my guac from my chip hat.
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Lucy : [calmly] Don't worry about me, Gru! I'll be fine. I have survived lots worse than this...
[frantically]
Lucy : Okay, that's not entirely true, I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!
Gru : Don't worry, I will get you out of this!
[They both freeze when they see Pollito approach the remote control. They both gasp. Pollito narrows his eyes, then pecks the remote button]
Gru : [morosely] I *really* hate that chicken.
[the rocket launches]
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Gru : The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service, the 21-fart gun salute!
[21 fart guns fire]
Dr. Nefario : [coughs] Uh, I counted 22.
-
Gru : I have accepted a new job.
Margo : Whoa! Really?
Gru : Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!
Edith : You're gonna be a spy?
Gru : *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!
Edith : [amazed] Awesome!
Agnes : Are you really gonna save the world?
Gru : [coolly] Yes.
[puts on a pair of sunglasses]
Gru : Yes, I am.
Dave : [copies him] Mocha!
Tim : [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!
Stuart : [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,
[chuckles]
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Lucy : Mr Gru?
Gru : [stammering] Wha... I didn't... Wha... yes?
Lucy : [takes off her sunglasses] Hi. Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.
[shows her AVL credentials; noticing she shows her ID-card upside-down]
Lucy : Oops.
[giggles, then clears her throat]
Lucy : [seriously] Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me.
Gru : Oh, sorry, I...
[takes his freeze ray out of his polo and fires it]
Gru : Freeze Ray!
[At the same moment, Lucy pulls out a retractable flamethrower, blocking the ray of ice]
Lucy : [puts her flamethrower back in and gently pulls a lipstick-like weapon out of her purse] You know, you really should announce your weapons *after* you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example...
[fires the weapon at Gru, making him drop his freeze ray and flail though some weird movements before finally passing out]
Lucy : [sing-song voice] Lipstick taser!
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[Agent Lucy sends Gru, completely soaked and with a starfish stuck to his head, out of the car trunk of her spy car]
Gru : [weakly] Pins and needles!
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Gru : You brought the girls?
Dr. Nefario : Yes. Oh. Was that wrong?
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[arriving at the Cinco de Mayo party]
Gru : Okay, let's party! But first, let's go over the rules. Because what is fun without the rules?
[looks at Agnes, whose arms and mouth are already full of churros]
Gru : Agnes, easy on the churros.
[looks at Edith, practicing with her sword]
Gru : Edith, try not to kill anyone.
Edith : [salutes] Hai!
Gru : Margo...?
[sees she is already cozy with Antonio]
Antonio : Hello, Mr. Gru.
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Gru : [after meeting Eduardo] That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho... from about 20 years ago. He was ruthless! He was dangerous. And as the name implies, very macho. He had a reputation for pulling off heists using only his bare hands! Ah, but sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible: riding a shark with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth in an active volcano! It was glorious.
Lucy : Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty dead.
Gru : They never found the body. Oh, no. All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair. But that face! It has got to be El Macho.
Lucy : Then what do you say you and I break into his restaurant tonight?
Gru : Yes, that's good, 'cause I'm telling you, if anybody in this place has the PX-41 serum...
[pointing to Eduardo on an escalator outside]
Gru : ...it's him.
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Dr. Nefario : Listen, Gru, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for some time now.
Gru : What? What's wrong?
Dr. Nefario : Um... I miss being evil. Sinister plots, large-scale crimes, it's what I live for. I mean, don't you think there's more to our future than jelly?
Gru : Well, I'm also considering a line of jams.
Dr. Nefario : Um, the thing is, Gru, I've had an offer of employment elsewhere.
Gru : Dr. Nefario! Come on. You're kidding, right?
Dr. Nefario : It's a great opportunity for me; bigger lab, more evil, full dental.
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El Macho : [revealing his evil plan to set genetically modified Minions on the world] We can do it together.
Gru : Together?
El Macho : Together. I have admired your work for years, amigo. Stealing the moon? Are you kidding? We would be unstoppable. Men like you, men like me... we should be ruling the world! So, are you in?
Dr. Nefario : [popping a party favor] Whoo-hoo!
Gru : Uh, yeah, probably.
El Macho : Probably?
Gru : [nervously making his way to the exit] I mean, yes. Yes. Of course, yes. I just have a lot going on right now. I just need to get some things off my plate before we start taking over the world, that's all.
El Macho : Excuse me?
Gru : No, no, forget it. 100% I am in. I think... what is... do you hear that? I do. That's Agnes calling me from on the surface.
[the elevator doors close, then open again, revealing him frantically pushing the floor buttons]
Gru : Totally in.
El Macho : [to Dr. Nefario as the doors close again] Do you know what? I'm not so convinced that he is in.
-
Gru : [looking at the storefront of his undercover assignment] Hmm. "Bake My Day." Blech.
-
Gru : Why are you here?
Lucy : On assignment from Silas. I'm your new partner. Yay!
Gru : What? No. No "yay". Ramsbottom didn't say anything about a partner.
Lucy : Well, seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me. I stepped up. And I'm new, so I kind of have to do what they tell me anyway.
-
Gru : What are you doing?
Lucy : I'm checking for laser beam alarm triggers.
Gru : It's a restaurant!
Lucy : You never know what kind of booby traps this guy could have set. Huh? Come on.
Gru : There are no booby traps.
[he activates a tripwire, and the bell to which it's attached rings]
Lucy : Ha! Booby!
[a door opens, and a chicken pokes its head around the corner]
Lucy : Oh. There's a chicken. Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost.
Gru : [lauging derisively] Some guard dog.
[the chicken attacks him]
Gru : Whoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, no, no, no! Get it off of me! Get it off of me! Get it off of me!
-
Gru : Mr. Ramsbottom?
Silas : Oh, hello.
Gru : What are you doing here?
Silas : We got him.
Gru : Got who?
Silas : Floyd Eagle-san. Our agents located a secret room in his shop last night and, uh, discovered this.
[showing him an evidence baggie]
Silas : It's empty, but we found traces of the PX-41 serum in it. He's our man. So, somehow, in spite of your incompetence, we solved this one.
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Lucy : [rescuing Gru from a bad blind date] Well, I think you did it. You just officially had the worst date ever.
Gru : Oh, tell me about it.
Lucy : [chuckling] Don't worry. It can only get better from here, right? But if it doesn't, you can always borrow my dart gun. Had to use it on one or two dates myself.
Gru : Yeah, you know, as far as dates go, I think I'm good with just the one.
Lucy : [standing to leave] Well, good night, partner. This was fun.
Gru : Yes. Surprisingly, it was.
Lucy : Oh, and uh, just between you and me? You look much better bald.
-
Silas : I'm sorry, El Macho? Hadn't we eliminated him as a suspect after the whole salsa incident?
Gru : Yes, but there has been a new development, and I'm telling you, this is the guy. You need to arrest him immediately. And his deviously charming son! I'm pretty sure that the son is involved, too. The son also. You got to get the son.
[whispering in Silas' ear]
Gru : I think that the son is the mastermind. There's a look... there's a devilish look in his eyes, and I don't like it.
Silas : Yes, but I don't really see any evidence.
Gru : Evidence, schmevidence. I go with my gut, and my gut tells me that this guy is El Macho. Lock him up. Lock up the son. Don't forget about the son. The kid gives me the creeps.
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Silas : We are the Anti-Villain League, an ultra-secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank, we're not interested. Kill someone, not our deal. But you want to melt the polar ice caps or vaporize Mount Fuji or even steal the moon, then we notice.
Gru : First of all, you got no proof that I did that. Second, after I did do that, I put it back.
-
El Macho : You have not lost your touch, my friend.
Gru : Aha! I knew it. You are El Macho.
El Macho : That's right!
Gru : Nobody believed me! Ho, ho. But I knew you weren't dead.
El Macho : Of course not. I merely faked my death. But now, it's time for me... to make a spectacular return to evil. Doctor, I think it's time we showed Gru what we're up to here.
Gru : Dr. Nefario?
Dr. Nefario : Nice to see you, Gru.
Gru : Wha... so this is your new job opportunity?
Dr. Nefario : Absolutely. You're gonna like this.
El Macho : [revealing one of the Minions] Sorry. I had to borrow some of your minions, but it was for a worthy cause.
Gru : Ooh. Kevin. Ugh.
El Macho : No, he's not Kevin anymore. Now he is an indestructible, mindless killing machine.
-
Eduardo : [comes inside the shop] Hello?
[Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural]
Eduardo : Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are?
Gru : Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are closed.
Eduardo : This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this.
[rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest]
Eduardo : What do you think?
[flexes and makes his chest wave]
Gru : [hides his eyes; disgusted] Look away!
Lucy : [stares at Eduardo] You-Whoa... Hooo...
Eduardo : Anyway, I have to go. It's all settled! I pick 'em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay?
-
El Macho : One push of this button, and I send that rocket straight in the same volcano where I faked my death, only this time... It's for real.
Gru : [horrified] No!
Dave : [swings on a vine like Tarzan and snatches the remote from El Macho's hands] Tally ho!
[hits the roof support and drops the remote which hits three minions on their heads and on the ground]
-
[Gru arrives at Eagle Hair Club]
Gru : [contacting Lucy] Alright, I'm going in.
Lucy : [informs him at Bake My Day by monitor as he activates a chem-tracking device shaped like a belt; through headphones] If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle
[aloud]
Lucy : will make a sound like this: Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!
Gru : [cuts off Lucy; annoyed] Okay! I get it! I get it!
[fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club]
Floyd Eagle-san : [chuckles] Welcome to Eagle Hair Club.
[turns his eagle-like chair, revealing himself holding and stroking a toupee]
Floyd Eagle-san : It's about time you showed up... Mr. Gru.
[the bald eagle perched next to him squawks]
Gru : You... know my name?
Floyd Eagle-san : [chuckles] When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad.
[strokes the toupee he's holding, kisses it, then puts it on a mannequin head]
Floyd Eagle-san : There you go, my sweet.
[at Bake My Day]
Lucy : [monitoring Gru's chem-tracking device] I'm getting nothing so far. I think you need to look around.
[at Eagle Hair Club, after listening to Lucy in the headphones; Gru walks away, smiling nervously, and starts looking around the mall, but none of the mannequin heads give a signal]
Gru : [starts thrusting his hips once noticing a painting] Wow, this looks interesting. What is it?
Floyd Eagle-san : [suspiciously] I take it you're an art lover?
Lucy : [in headphones] No serum.
Gru : Yeah, not so much.
[walks over to a podium holding a trophy and starts thrusting his hips at it]
Gru : Oh, how about this impressive trinket?
Floyd Eagle-san : [gasps] I hardly call it trinket, Mr. Gru.
Lucy : [in headphones] Nothing.
Floyd Eagle-san : The International...
Gru : Yeah, I don't care.
[moves over to a shelf filled with wig samples and starts straddling it]
Lucy : [in headphones, startling Gru] Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo! Hold on, I'm picking up something. Behind that wall!
Gru : Ahh... and what do we have here?
Floyd Eagle-san : [grabs a sample] These are my trial wigs.
[hands Gru a bag with a wig in it]
Floyd Eagle-san : You should take one.
Gru : No thanks.
[sticks his head into the shelf]
Gru : So what's on the other side of the wall?
Floyd Eagle-san : There you are! Look at me! Focus!
Lucy : [in headphones] Gru?
Floyd Eagle-san : I promise, that this wig will transform you from ugly to irresistible.
-
Agnes : [Agnes and Edith hastily storm inside Eagle Hair Club, making Gru lose his focus] Margo has a boyfriend!
Edith : And they're going on a date!
Gru : [suddenly hysterical, to Edith] Date?
[to Agnes]
Gru : Boyfriend?
[to Floyd]
Gru : What?
[Floyd shrugs shoulders and shakes his head nervously; Gru stares at Agnes and Edith]
