- Sheldon Cooper: Yes?
- Leonard: I'm Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment and you said to come by...
- Sheldon Cooper: I know what I said. I know what you said. I know what my mother said on March 5, 1992. What is the sixth noble gas?
- Leonard: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: You said you were a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas?
- Leonard: Radon?
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you asking me or telling me?
- Leonard: Telling you?
- [Sheldon glares at him]
- Leonard: Telling you.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Next question. Kirk or Picard?
- Leonard: That's tricky... Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
- Sheldon Cooper: Correct. You have passed the first barrier to roommatehood. You may enter.
- Sheldon Cooper: If either of us invent time travel, we agree that our first stop will be this meeting five seconds from now.
- [Looks around]
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, that was disappointing.
- Sheldon Cooper: We agree to reserve Friday nights to watch Joss Whedon's brilliant new show Firefly.
- Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
- Sheldon Cooper: We might as well settle it now. It's going to be on for years.
- Leonard: According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas.
- Sheldon Cooper: But you didn't notify me by e-mail first, so it's still a breach.
- Leonard: I did notify you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you did, did you?
- [Checks his Palm Pilot]
- Sheldon Cooper: Drat! Hoisted by my own spam filter.
- Leonard: What am I doing in your spam folder?
- Sheldon Cooper: I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled "This is funny."
- Sheldon: In a post-apocalyptic world, which task would you assign the highest priority? Locating a sustainable food source, reestablishing a functioning government, procreating, or preserving the knowledge of mankind?
- Leonard: Uh, I'm gonna go with... preserving the knowledge.
- Sheldon: That's correct. FYI, I would have accepted any answer other than procreating.
- Raj Koothrappali: Do you have an opinion about everything?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
- Howard Wolowitz: You just assume you're always right?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's not an assumption.
- Sheldon Cooper: What are you sitting on?
- Howard Wolowitz: I can't speak for these guys, but I'm sitting on my tushie. It's a joke.
- Leonard: Not a good idea.
- Raj Koothrappali: Tushie is buttocks, right?
- Howard Wolowitz: Right.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hilarious!
- Leonard: So, I did something stupid. I'm sure you did stupid things when you were younger. What were you doing seven years ago?
- Penny: Excuse me, I was in high school, studying, keeping my nose clean, doing volunteer work for the community...
- [Cut to Penny seven years ago, sitting with her boyfriend looking at a pregnancy kit]
- Penny: Not pregnant! Yes!
- [They high-five]
- [to get away from Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Howard are getting ready to go to Howard's house]
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait, let me get my jacket.
- Howard Wolowitz: You're not going with us.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why?
- Raj Koothrappali: You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. Well, in that case, I don't need my jacket. And for the record, the correct syntax is "I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away."
- Sheldon Cooper: Have a seat.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, that's where I sit.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What's the difference?
- Sheldon Cooper: This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and the cross-breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle, allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually, I couldn't get too mad at him about Joyce Kim.
- Penny: Why not?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, I was doing some government research at the time, you know, military rocket fuel. It was kind of secret.
- Penny: What does that have to do with Joyce Kim?
- Leonard Hofstadter: As it turns out, she was a North Korean spy. Luckily, Sheldon drove her out before I revealed anything important.
- Sheldon Cooper: Do you have a vehicle?
- Leonard Hofstadter: A car, yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: And you'd be willing to drive me?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Can't you drive?
- Sheldon Cooper: I can. I choose not to.
- Sheldon Cooper: When do you evacuate your bowels?
- Leonard Hofstadter: When I have to.
- Sheldon Cooper: When you have to? I'm sorry, I don't rent to hippies.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Go to hell and set their thermostat!
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't have to go to hell. It's 73 degrees, I'm there already.