Community (TV Series)
Contemporary American Poultry (2010)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Pierce Hawthorne : Ay-bed, your social skills aren't exactly "streets ahead." Know what I mean?
Abed Nadir : [thinks] I don't.
Jeff Winger : You're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase "streets ahead."
Pierce Hawthorne : Trying?
[laughs]
Pierce Hawthorne : Coined and minted! Been there, coined that! "Streets ahead" is verbal... wildfire!
Annie Edison : Does it just mean "cool," or is it supposed to be like, "miles ahead"?
Pierce Hawthorne : [scoffs] If you have to ask, you're streets behind.
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Abed Nadir : It's like a mafia movie.
[voice-over]
Abed Nadir : As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be in a mafia movie. Cool.
Jeff Winger : That's exactly what it's like, Abed, and you get the most important job. You're gonna be fry cook.
Abed Nadir : We may be watching different mafia movies.
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Jeff Winger : Why do you have a monkey?
Troy Barnes : It's an animal that looks like a dude. Why don't I have ten of them?
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Abed Nadir : Unfortunately, the very thing that drove you to this dorm room is what would prevent you from properly running this machine, or even be a cog in it: your ego.
Jeff Winger : [scoff] I see. This has been about *me* this whole time. You want a shot at the Jeff Winger throne? You better bring a powerful ass! Oh, and for your information, I don't even *have* an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape!
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Jeff Winger : No, no, I mean... I mean, why are you here? You said you were close? What were you close to? To... to the... to the group? To people?
Abed Nadir : Please don't do a special episode about me.
Jeff Winger : Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.
Abed Nadir : Everyone else needs my help. That's what people don't get, is that they need to get me.
[points to himself]
Abed Nadir : I just need to be able to connect to people like you can, and then I can make everyone happy.
Jeff Winger : [sighs] Do you know why I'm here?
Abed Nadir : You got caught with a fake Bachelor's Degree. By the way, they started using that as a seasonal arc on Law & Order. Total rip off.
Jeff Winger : I'm here to dismantle the fryer, to cut your power off at its source. Don't you see what happened? I manipulated the group into getting you the fry cook job so I could have some chicken. And you turned it all into a way to make everyone like you.
Abed Nadir : [nods his head] Mm-hmm.
Jeff Winger : Made me ashamed of myself. Made me jealous.
Abed Nadir : Maybe this is a special episode. It's pretty alarming behavior, Jeff.
Jeff Winger : [chuckles and nods his head] Yeah.
Abed Nadir : You know, there's specialists you could talk to.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, maybe I should do that.
[chuckles and sighs]
Abed Nadir : [nods his head] Mm-hmm.
Jeff Winger : In the meantime...
Abed Nadir : Mm-hmm?
Jeff Winger : Let's make a deal. I'll help you connect with people, and you help me do a better job with them.
Abed Nadir : Like Knight Rider.
Jeff Winger : Exactly. Like Knight Rider.
Abed Nadir : Deal.
[Abed and Jeff shake hands]
Abed Nadir : I'll put on a leather jacket and make out with an aerobics instructor. you pull around front and comedically startle passersby with your ability to talk.
Jeff Winger : Maybe we should just stay here and have a plate of chicken fingers.
Abed Nadir : Cool. Can we eat them while sitting on a table like in Sixteen Candles?
Jeff Winger : Pick one reference, Abed.
Abed Nadir : Sixteen Candles.
[voice over]
Abed Nadir : And just like that, the mafia movie was over. I quit the fry cook job, somewhat for the sake of the family, but mostly for the sake of Jeff's ego. Poor guy.
[cut to study group]
Abed Nadir : Things went back to normal.
[multiple unintelligible conversations]
Abed Nadir : Now everyone's back to being a bunch of regular schnooks, and I'm back to being a weirdo, back to watching from the outside... For now.
