Glee (TV Series)

Never Been Kissed (2010)

Matthew Morrison: Will Schuester

Quotes 

• Shannon Beiste : I'm not gay, you know. I know I can be a little intimidating sometimes, but... deep down inside where no one can see, I'm just a girl. A-am I nuts that I just want to be reminded of that sometimes?

  Will Schuester : Well, that's what dating is for.

  Shannon Beiste : Last... date I went on, the guy was a freak. All he wanted to do was wrestle.

  Will Schuester : Well, let me help you out, then. I'm sure there are plenty of guys out...

  Shannon Beiste : No, there aren't. I'm kind of a specific type.

  Will Schuester : Well, you just got to put yourself out there, try online dating...

  Shannon Beiste : I've never been kissed, Will. It's the simplest thing. A kiss. It's a doorway to everything else, you know? Promise, hope... of a future with someone. What does that say about me? I'm 40, and I haven't even taken those baby steps yet.

  Will Schuester : What that says to me... is that you are a beautiful, amazing woman whose heart is just too big for most men to stand.

  Shannon Beiste : You really think I'm pretty, Will?

  Will Schuester : Inside and out.

  [he leans in and kisses her] 

  Will Schuester : And now you've been kissed. Hey, come to the choir room tomorrow at 4:00. The guys want to apologize to you in person.

  Shannon Beiste : You tricking me into a make-out session, Schuester?

• Will Schuester : Is there anything that I could do?

  Kurt Hummel : No. This my hill to climb alone.

  Will Schuester : Can I be honest? I think it's getting to you. Usually this stuff rolls right off your back, but lately you've been belligerent, angry, pushing people away.

  Kurt Hummel : Can I be honest with you? You, like everyone else at this school, are too quick to let homophobia slide. And your lesson plans are boring and repetitive. Boys versus girls? That doesn't challenge any of us.

  Will Schuester : You mean because I didn't let you join the girls like you wanted?

  Kurt Hummel : To answer your question, yes, I'm unhappy. And yes, being the only out gay kid at this school gets me down. But most of all, I'm not challenged in the least here.

• Will Schuester : Well, I genuinely hope you guys are happy, because Coach Beiste has quit.

  Finn Hudson : Wait, what? That's terrible.

  Sam Evans : Yeah, that's not what we want.

  Artie Abrams : That's the opposite of what we want. The football team was actually winning.

  Will Schuester : Well, then you'd better but your heads together and find a way to get her back, fast, because I am actually ashamed of you. You really hurt someone who was a great addition to this school.

  Rachel Berry : I'm sorry, what exactly did we do?

  Finn Hudson : No, no. It's us. The boys.

  Mike Chang : And Tina.

  [everyone turns around and stares] 

  Finn Hudson : We sort of figured out that picturing Beiste while making out was even better than a cold shower.

  [seeing Rachel's expression] 

  Finn Hudson : I... I mean, I don't. Ever.

  Quinn Fabray : [quietly to Sam]  Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

  Santana Lopez : Can I just say that this is what happens when people don't put out? If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team.

• Sue Sylvester : Take a good look, William. Because Sue Sylvester's got two things to show you. To my left, I have one confetti cannon. To my right, you'll find another confetti cannon. You know what this means?

  Will Schuester : No, Sue.

  Sue Sylvester : We got Beiste fired. And my full budget is restored.

  [taking out a remote control, she presses a button and the cannons fire confetti everywhere] 

  Will Schuester : Wait, what?

  Sue Sylvester : Well, actually she quit. But I'll take the "W". And it was your kids that made it happen, Will. It finally occurred to them to stop singing all that nonsense about how awesome it is to be alive or ugly or whatever the point is you guys are always trying to make. And instead? They just got mean. Congratulations, Will.

  Will Schuester : Wait. Coach Beiste quit?

  Sue Sylvester : I believe I just said that, Annie Sullivan. You want me to sign it into your palm? And now, if you'll excuse me, and if you wouldn't mind just cleaning all this up, that'd be great.

• Will Schuester : Look, I'm not tossing the baby out with the bath water here.

  Brittany S. Pierce : I've totally done that.

  Will Schuester : We're just making an adjustment. Boys, you are now doing songs traditionally sung by girl groups. And girls, try some classic rock; uh, the Who, the Stones. The more opposite your choice, the more points you get.

  Kurt Hummel : [huddling with the boys]  Don't worry, gentlemen. I have this one under control.

• Will Schuester : All right, guys, let's get down to business. First, let's welcome back Noah Puckerman. Puck, I hope your time in juvie has taught you a lesson or two about right and wrong.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Are you kidding me? I ruled that place. All I did was crack skulls and lift weights all day.

  Quinn Fabray : [sarcastic]  Wow, what a catch. Can't believe I ever let you go.

• Will Schuester : And now, drum roll, Finn. Because I have in my hand our competition for sectionals next month.

  [whoops and hollers from the class] 

  Will Schuester : First, the a capella choir from the all-boys private school in Westerville, the Dalton Academy Warblers.

  Santana Lopez : Okay, hold up. Like, a million awesome gay jokes just popped into my head.

  Will Schuester : And the other team to beat, the Hipsters, a first-year club from the Warren Township Continuing Education Program. Now, they are a glee club composed entirely of elderly people getting their high school GEDs.

  Rachel Berry : Is that legal?

  Mercedes Jones : How are we supposed to compete against a bunch of adorable old people?

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Are you kidding? Brittle bones. Give one of those old ladies a good luck pat on the rear, it'll shatter her pelvis.

• Will Schuester : Since it seemed to get you guys jazzed about sectionals last year, I want to make this week our second annual boys versus girls tournament.

  [cheers from the kids] 

  Will Schuester : So, split up into two groups, and figure out what songs you're going to sing.

  Rachel Berry : Okay, I have mash-up ideas in my head.

  Will Schuester : [knowing Kurt is moving towards the girls]  Kurt, gonna say it again. Boys' team.