Glee (TV Series)

Britney/Brittany (2010)

Chris Colfer: Kurt Hummel

Quotes 

• Kurt Hummel : I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky smooth Adult Contemporary, it's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. The ardent demand: that this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club perform a number by - wait for it - Ms. Britney Spears.

  Artie Abrams : Yo, Spears. Spears, yeah.

  [the glee kids all mutter agreement] 

  Will Schuester : Sorry, Kurt. Kurt, sorry. No, no, no. I... I don't think she's a very good role model.

• Brittany Pierce : I don't want to do Britney.

  Kurt Hummel : Why no Britney, Brittany?

  Brittany Pierce : Because my name is also Brittany Spears.

  [everyone looks at her, confused] 

  Will Schuester : What?

  Mercedes Jones : What the hell is she talking about?

  Brittany Pierce : My middle name is Susan, my last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany S. Pierce. "Brittany Spierce". I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears' shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears.

  Will Schuester : Well, there you have it, guys. It's been decided. No Britney. Sorry.

  Kurt Hummel : Thanks, Britt. Thanks a lot.

  Santana Lopez : Leave Brittany alone.

  Brittany Pierce : Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road.

• Finn Hudson : [seeing Rachel with a mouthful of blue teeth]  Ahh!

  Kurt Hummel : Oh, my god!

  Rachel Berry : What?

  [taking a compact from her purse, she looks at her reflection and covers her mouth in embarrassment] 

  Rachel Berry : Ah! I don't understand. I floss between classes.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Well, sometimes it's genetics.

  Artie Abrams : [with his own mouth of blue teeth]  I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror.

  Santana Lopez : There you go, blue tooth.

  Brittany Pierce : [sporting blue teeth, too]  I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.

• Santana Lopez : Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look. Yay.

  Rachel Berry : Thank you.

  Kurt Hummel : I think what Santana is trying to say, Rachel, though I risk expulsion by saying so, is that it seems Britney Spears has really helped you blossom. That's all.

  Will Schuester : Wait. Rachel, is that true? I mean, you are sort of dressing differently.

  Artie Abrams : Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

  Finn Hudson : [wanting him to stop]  Hey, hey.

  Rachel Berry : Look, all I know is that I had a very vivid Britney Spears fantasy at the dentist, and since then, it's made me feel free to get out of my own way. I think I've just always been afraid to dress like a pretty girl because I've never really felt like one before.

• Kurt Hummel : You see, Mr. Schue? I told you. Britney Spears busted our Brit out of her everyday, fragmented haze of confusion and gave her the confidence to step up and perform.

  Brittany Pierce : I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now. It's Brittany, bitch.

  Will Schuester : Guys, we're not doing Britney Spears, and that's that.

  Kurt Hummel : Mr. Schue, you're letting your own personal issues get in the way of something that we are all telling you we really want to do. I mean, this club regularly pays tribute to pop culture, and Britney Spears *is* pop culture! To suggest otherwise is heretical!

  Will Schuester : Kurt! I'm done talking about this!

  Kurt Hummel : Jeez! Let loose a little, would you? Stop being so frickin' uptight all the time!

  [shocked silence] 

  Will Schuester : Kurt... I'll see you in the principal's office.