You Hurt My Feelings (2023) User Reviews

Didn't "hurt my feelings", but made me introspect! [+70%]

[arungeorge13 · 7/10 · 24 June 2023]

Well, I sat down for this one trusting A24, and it delivered more than what I asked for. It's a pretty simple drama alright, with conflicts not carrying the greatest of stakes. There's a sense of softness to the leads here, and they are, by nature, "good people". While it wouldn't have worked if that aspect was shoved down our throats, but the writing is careful when it comes to its subtleties. The lead performances are also great; the relationship equations between Beth and Don, Beth and Sarah, Mark and Sarah, the daughters' relationship with their mother, the couple's relationship with their young son - each of these were adequately portrayed. I loved the few scenes featuring the feisty, opinionated, and encouraging mother (Jeannie Berlin).

The other beautiful scene is the one where the couple resolve their key issue, and the dialogues are especially well-written in this portion. It's a realization that shared journeys (of life) mean a lot more than individual journeys. It's natural for spouses to think that they're unconditionally supporting each other in their efforts, but sometimes, it's difficult to convey your opinion without even hurting them in the slightest. All that said, there were a few elements that didn't exactly work, such as the badly sketched robbery scene and the one where Don randomly suggests a solution to a patient's family issue. But that shouldn't stop you from checking the film out. It has Julia LD reuniting with writer-director Nicole Holofcener after Enough Said, in a very candid role.

White lies as the oil of relationships

[apereztenessa-1 · 7/10 · 29 July 2023]

You Hurt my Feelings tells the story of a long-standing couple that risks breaking up when Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) a struggling novelist, finds out that her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) never actually liked her new unpublished novel but always told her otherwise.

The film is at its best when it captures the intimacy of a middle-aged couple, and a form of unwavering love that, albeit a bit dispassionate, is evidently honed through many years of life together and complicity. The best scene is probably at the center of the film that shows the two characters confessing their white lies (such as never liking each other's presents) to each other on their couch, in a light tone.

Ultimately, the film is about how white lies are the oil that enable relationships -and indeed society- to work. Whether it's an opinion on a book you didn't like, a statement on how your partner looks after surgery or the hiding of a sweater at a goodwill event so it will not be taken, white lies make society livable and give people zones of personal freedom that make life more gentle. In contrast, the character of Beth's mom, who role models a life of unfiltered honesty, shows how unbearable, antisocial and dysfunctional that behavior can be.

Unfortunately, the film also spends a bit too much time depicting how much New Yorkers love themselves. Where they shop, where they have lunch, their bookstores, their expensive furniture stores. All of the staples of the stereotypical New York neighborhood are checked like so many boxes. As is the constant flow of words from the New Yorkers themselves, mixing erudition with profanity in a very "big apple" way. However hard it may be for New Yorkers to hear, most of us really don't care that much about their lifestyle.

Overall, however, the film is original, memorable and well acted, and it states a point of view about society and humanity that is both different and intriguing.

Refreshing Movie for Adults

[evanston_dad · 8/10 · 12 June 2023]

Buried amidst the fourteen Marvel movies playing simultaneously and the, what....17th "Fast and Furious" movie?....is this little movie called "You Hurt My Feelings," the rare film these days about and for adults. It's not about anything major. There is no trauma to be found here. There's a pretty happily married couple dealing with the things pretty happily married couples deal with as they get older, together and individually. It's about the almost endless stream of little lies we tell ourselves and other people to make it through any given day as a functioning member of society. And it's about how we decide when those lies matter and when we can forgive and move on.

Nicole Holofcener has fashioned a sharp little movie with stellar performances by a cast led by Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies. This isn't a comedy full of big belly laughs, but rather one that will make people ruefully chuckle as they recognize the feelings and scenarios in it. You have to have a certain amount and kind of life experience to appreciate this movie. I liked it a lot and suspect I would find even more to like on subsequent viewings.

Grade: A.

Not actual problems, but an actually good movie

[BoBo_Goal32 · 7/10 · 5 November 2023]

Try to ignore the general tone of the movie and maybe try to embrace it. A large scale of the audience will find himself not really attracted to the characters, to their problems and to how the way they deal with their problems, but this film has a lot of talent, great writing and even actual existential problems, which no one has the audacity to speak about.

The movie is aiming for a Bourgeois audience, but it has a charm that can relate to a lot of others, if they would give him the chance. Though the plot is talking about a problem of middle-targeting to the high society, it is not talking about rich people's issues, so a wider audience would be able to relate.

If a husband is telling a little lie to make his wife feel better it doesn't matter whether she is running an office as a secretary or she is writing books for a living. If it is not his field of expertise, its his kind word against book critics and audience, which can be mean. This is the core of the movie and from this point we see both; the husband and the wife, get into small time situations that makes them adapt and change their skin.

Nicole Holofcener with a brilliant writing and directing small scenes that means a lot and can unite a large audience around small-big issue. The characters are so well written and represent perfectly dreamy relationships that can fall because of a non-issue and a small fight can become devastating and on the other end it describes in a small manor stories of dead and terrible marriages that are waiting for a word that would push them on a new path of freedom.

I've enjoyed it far more than I could have expected and it was funny, cleaver and very entertaining, profound and Raised a lot of thoughts in regarding the main characters and also each and every small and almost insignificant character which participated in the film.

Entertaining without major surprises

[depaulo-69529 · 7/10 · 30 May 2023]

Sometimes it is good to go out on a date, and watch a movie that will not change the course of the night. It is neither hilarious or boring, just an interesting story that can happen to all of us, when we try to please our partner.

The cast is good, Julia Louis-Dreyfus can be funny without forcing it, so the movie flows well. The movie is flat, but not in a bad way, it is a good entertainment and goes fast, but you probably won't cry or burst out laughing. It is just a good movie, where you probably arrive and leave in a same state of mind, in peace.

There are some clever jokes, and some reflection about our own behavior, but nothing too deep.

Enjoy, without big expectations, just a good entertainment.

Privileged Manhattanites Have Trouble with the Truth

[EUyeshima · 7/10 · 6 September 2023]

It was hard to figure out what exactly the takeaways were from this casually paced 2023 comedy, but director/screenwriter Nicole Holofcener appears to prefer it that way because she has a uniquely ramshackle way of depicting the messiness of life through her comically flawed characters. The meandering plot focuses on a tightly knit group of upscale Manhattan narcissists basking in a culture of positivity only to fall apart when each is confronted with honesty. That's what happened to the central couple when Beth, a marginally successful novelist, finds out her failing therapist husband Don hates her latest book draft but doesn't have the temerity to tell her. Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in Holofcener's superior "Enough Said" and plays the novelist here with her trademark wit intact. The rest of the expert cast perform in a typical Woody Allen-like deadpan manner including Jeannie Berlin as Beth's irascible mother and Michaela Watkins (she reminds me of Kathryn Hahn) as Beth's acerbically evasive decorator sister.

A lot of Good Here....

[mainstreet-62539 · 7/10 · 29 July 2023]

You know....there is a lot of good here. Why do I write that? Because, to make a film ano it not have CHI pr AI or whatever it is called now. To not be an animated feature using 20 celeb voices, to not have stunts and tons of stunt doubles is not as easy as it looks.

IN this film you have a premise that is slightly amusing and could have been confined to a short. As a feature full length film if you fill it with side characters and side stories like here you can make for amiable characters. I see this film as a Dramaty; it is not very funny but amusing at times or cute.

The writing is strong in some sections of the film and it is a very adult geared film so props as well go out for that.

Each actor did well and me and the few others in the theatre seemed to enjoy it overall.

Gem of a Film

[tonyg-74055 · 9/10 · 16 August 2023]

You seem to so often see in reviews a statement along the lines of "don't believe the low scores" when there is a generalised trashing of a film. You watch the film based on the fairly sane sounding good reviews and find indeed it wasn't really bad at all.

Everyone's taste is their own and I wouldn't want to watch films like this everyday but it's a delightful, slow-paced, droll, witty and warm delight.

There's no killer plot but it's not saccharin either. The characters are warm and quirky, the humour wry and knowing. People had fun, me included, no-one was hurt.

Really good effort, like a good evening with friends.

Recommended.

Mildly engaging Holofcener entry

[gortx · 7 February 2024]

Write about what you know. That's the advice Beth (Julie Louis-Dreyfuss) dispenses to her writing students. It's also pretty much the path Writer-Director Nicole Holofcener has followed in her six feature films. Her stories center on urban upper middle class professionals.

Beth is an author who's latest novel hasn't sold yet and it's causing her some stress. Her husband, Don (Tobias Menzies), is a therapist who is also having some career doubts. They have a son (Owen Teague) who wants to be a playwright. Beth's sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), is an interior decorator who is becoming disenchanted with her work. Her husband Mark (Arian Moayed) is struggling actor. Plenty of first world angst to go around.

Holofcener and her cast are good enough to overcome some of the familiar tropes here and the theme of how to tread the line between honesty and (hurting one's) feelings is decently explored. David Cross and Amber Tamblyn as a passive aggressive couple in Don's care are terrific scene stealers. What's missing here is true bite. There's never a sense of either urgency or sharp insights. One never feels that any of the interlocking relationships are truly in peril. A hug, a kiss, or a hit of edible marijuana and all will be fine.

YOU HURT MY FEELINGS is a pleasant enough little movie, but, it's the epitome of a 'dramedy'- it falls just short of either of it's components.

Thoroughly enjoyable, with outstanding performances

[paul-allaer · 7/10 · 5 June 2023]

As "You Hurt My Feelings" (2023 release; 95 min.) opens, Don, a therapist, listens to a married couple who won't stop arguing. We then meet Beth, who in married to Don. She teaches a writing class at the New School. Beth as published a memoir and is now working on her first fiction book. Then one day, by complete coincidence Beth catches Don making some unkind comments about her work-in-progress, to Beth's utter shock...

Couple of comments: this is the latest from writer-director Nicole Holofcener ("Friends With Money", "Can You Ever Forgive Me?"). Here she examines what it means when someone is saying things they don't really mean: are they lying or are they merely trying to be supportive? The movie is carried by outstanding performances including Tobias Menzies (as Don),Michaela Watkins (as Sarah, Beth's sister), Jeannie Berlin (as Beth's and Sarah's mother), and last but certainly not least, Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Beth. This is her second film directed by Holofcener after "Enough Said", and in fact one can easily feel the common DNA of "You Hurt My Feelings" with "Enough Said.

"You Hurt My Feelings" premiered at this year's Sundance Film Festival to immediate acclaim. There is good reason why this movie is currently rated 95% Certified Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. It recently received a US theatrical release. The Sunday early evening screening where I saw this at my art-house theater here in Cincinnati was attended so-so (about 10 people). If you are a fan of Julia Louis-Dreyfus, or enjoyed "Enough Said", I'd readily suggest you check it out and draw your own conclusion.

I'm Sorry. I love Julia Louis Dreyfus. But This is Not Good.

[levybob · 3/10 · 16 June 2023]

'You Hurt My Feelings' is a terrible title for this or any movie. And I wish that was all I had to complain about. But it's not. It's the film, specifically the writing, that left me cold.

Here's the theme. We all tell little lies to people so that they're not discouraged about themselves. Their painting is not as good as you tell them. Their novel. Their performance. That's it. That's what the film's about. And if you're saying, That's not enough to hang 90 minutes on, I'd say, You're right. This film has no center, no stakes, nothing for anyone to care about. The acting? It's as though the cast knows the truth of the previous statement.

The story. A husband tells his wife (Dreyfus) her novel's great but she then overhears him saying just the opposite. Think of 'I Love Lucy's' Lucy Ricardo overhearing husband Ricky telling Fred Mertz a secret that Lucy misconstrues. It's a TV sit-com for goodness sake. But there's more. Another wife tells her husband his acting's good, but she knows that it's not. A son is under the impression that he's as exceptional as his parents told him he was. A shrink who does a bad job is not confronted by his patients. And on, and on, and on.

And if you're saying that it's an entertaining slice of life, I ask you, Entertaining? Entertaining? Tell me where. And when? And who? And I'll bet anything that you can't. Even if you, like the characters in the film, don't want to hurt the film-maker's feelings.

A Comedy with Depth

[Dana12 · 9/10 · 8 June 2023]

This is set in current times, but it isn't a modern-day comedy. You won't find frat-boy humor here. And don't expect this to be knee-slapping funny. Although, I laughed out loud several times. Standout scenes that took place in a bar & Beth's writing classes, to name two, were very funny.

This is a throwback to movies pre 2000s when people had conversations in films. It's very much in the realm of an NYC Woody Allen film.

Smart writing, great acting and an interesting theme that makes you think. Is it OK to lie to a loved one if you're trying to encourage or spare their feelings?

The star of this movie is the ensemble cast. Not a weak link in the bunch. I enjoyed their interactions, relationships, insecurities, and, especially, their conversations.

Points for originality, but sadly, not so entertaining.

[jimfinger-47793 · 7/10 · 2 July 2023]

The issue of how we, if not lie, fib to our loved ones in order to either spare their feelings or be supportive. And the consequences of that well-intentioned lack of honesty are thoughtfully dramatized, as are the family dynamics between spouses, parents and children, and siblings. But even at a short (by today's standards) 90 minutes, the movie feels overlong, and while there is an occasional laugh, the entertainment quotient is disappointingly low given the talents of the parties involved. Bottom line: a worthwhile watch if one's expectations are very measured. And much more of a family drama than a comedy.

Nothing actually happened

[rmmil · 3/10 · 24 June 2023]

In every good film or at least entertaining film there is that moment where you understand why the film was made. This film doesn't have one of those moments.

There are zero stakes. Zilch. Even though the lead may get upset by her husband, at no point is there ever any indication their relationship would actually be threatened. The "stakes" are dirty looks and hurt feelings.

To give an example of how "not important" almost any scene in this film is, there is a sequence where the protagonist and her mother visit a doctor. Things happen and things are said that would ring as a typical scenario for this type of sequence, yet it has absolutely nothing to do with the main plot, and then the film just sort of shambles onto the next scene. No clear explanation as to why it happened. Just filler I guess?

That's what this film is though, the plot itself would be filler in other more interesting content.

I know films and tv aren't what they used to be, but could we get...you know, a point to them existing at all?

An enjoyable satire of NYC white privilege and the cult of positivity

[JohnDeSando · 27 May 2023]

"Rob the average man of his life-illusion, and you rob him of his happiness at the same stroke." Henrik Ibsen, The Wild Duck

Total honesty is the challenge of the Wild Duck and so too of Nicole Holofcener's You Hurt My feelings, a dramedy that treats honesty a something that may not always be virtue. When Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) overhears her husband, Don (Tobias Menzies), say he doesn't like her new novel, she is speechless with despair.

Writer/director Nicole Holofcener has carefully satirized honesty the way Ibsen did, whether for the ones closest to us have an obligation to be candid or positive, as manifested by our societal urge now to nurture a positive culture, where, for instance, constantly praising a child even when the work is not meritorious. The question this drama poses is whether or not this approach is healthy. The power of positivity may be a misguided societal strategy.

Many of the film's characters face the same dilemma: total honesty, for instance, about the questionable acting quality of friend could devastate him, the same about the fledgling playwright son, whom Beth praises before he even hands her his draft. Holofcener never makes it feel like a didactic lesson about honesty in relationships. It's an organic drama where what happens is natural, and in this case a puzzle about the right way to act.

I am always intrigued by Ibsen's Wild-Duck challenge or claim of the ideal, where Gregers Werle expounds the virtue of complete honesty, regardless of the consequences. Is everyone entitled to a basic lie to remain happy and healthy?

For me, the jury is still out as I continue to navigate among the egos of family and friends to give the right honest estimate. You Hurt MY Feelings is an enjoyable romp around the egos of white-privileged New Yorkers touching on the questionable need for a basic positive lie about ourselves.

Real and relatable.

[cliftonofun · 7/10 · 14 September 2023]

This is indeed a movie about feelings - the small stuff that feels huge, the little insecurities that loom large, the daily omissions that's pile up into dishonesty. And the thing is: every moment feels real enough to be recognizable and hilarious (and uncomfortable) all at once. And that's not just because I'm a middle aged guy who wants to be a writer and is scared to death his story/stories suck. This film felt relatable less because the circumstances mirrored my own and more because I'm a self conscious human. And my guess is we all are. This may not be a laugh at loud comedy, but it is about as relatable add it gets.

Enjoyable film - to please or not to please that is the ?

[tm-sheehan · 7/10 · 26 June 2023]

You Hurt My Feelings (2023) My Rating 7/10 In Cinemas You Hurt My Feelings is an Independent film that had its premiere in January 2023 at the prestigious Sundance Film Festival where it was received positively by most critics.

There's more to the plot of this amusing well written movie I think than meets the eye at first .

It's basically about how most of us are all guilty of people pleasing either for the approval of others or just to be nice and well mannered so our fragile egos are rewarded with praise.

Is it better to be scrupulously honest in conveying our opinions of our partners or friends talents , taste and accomplishments or should we give high praise to support their endeavours even if we really think that the subject or achievement that they're seeking our approval of in reality is crap.

Both leads are very appealing and well cast Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays Beth who is married to Don played by Tobias Menzies. Beth and Don are an average New York professional couple married for 20 years with a young adult son named Elliott also very well played by Owen Teague.

Beth is a published author and literary teacher with one moderate success and Don is a therapist whose clients aren't very happy with his counselling sessions.

Their marriage is obviously very co dependent as their son Elliott points out to them when observing his parents sharing the same lunch box and ice cream together during a picnic in the park.

Beth's confidence and trust is shattered when she accidentally overhears her husband discussing her new book in a Department store with her actor brother in law Mark played by so well by Arian Moayed.

Don is heard saying he really hates her new book and as much as Beth's sister played by Michaela Watkins tries to smooth things over the situation gets worse for both couples.

I particularly like the few scenes that Jeannie Berlin who plays Georgia Beth's mother in the film her scene in the doctor's surgery is a delight .

In real life, the actors are 11 years apart in age but are so believable as mother and daughter.

You Hurt My Feelings is another one of those New York State of mind stories that has humorous and dramatic moments.

I thought it very well acted by the entire cast and well written and Directed by Nicole Holofcener who in an interview said that she was inspired to write the story after a lifetime of being vulnerable to other people's opinions and wondering if people were lying to her about her work .

Wondering if she could cope when they don't lie as her work is so autobiographical and could she also live with the possibility that they don't get it, or like it, and still love me? But yeah, sometimes I can cope with it well, and sometimes I can't. I still want approval, of course. Don't we all?"

You Hurt My Feelings Speaks Truth to Power

[Stream2BigScreen_Movie_Reviews · 7/10 · 8 June 2023]

Hey, Streamers! Are you tired of all these action blockbusters and Disney remakes coming to theaters this summer?

...

Oh, you hadn't thought about it? Well, think about it now!

...

So...?

...

Whatever! Look, there are other offerings in theaters right now that might pique your interest. For instance, I went to see a nice movie starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus called You Hurt My Feelings. This dramedy is written and directed by indie auteur Nicole Holofcener and premiered at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year. Here's how it went.

You Hurt My Feelings is about the little white lies we tell our loved ones just to spare their feelings and the fallout to when they discover the lie. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays Beth, a creative writing professor, who is preparing to publish her debut novel after the relative success of her memoir. Beth is married to Don (Tobias Menzies), who is a disillusioned and bored therapist. Beth and Don have a symbiotic relationship and a really healthy and stable marriage until Beth finds out that Don has been lying to her about his opinion on her new book. Neurotic hijinks ensue.

First, the acting is very good. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a master at this kind of comedy. She is a great comedic actress and she brings both humor and heart to the role of Beth. She becomes neurotic but never annoying. She has great chemistry with Menzies. They are able to portray this warm and loving couple. Their pairing feels really easy and cozy, and it shows why what happens is destabilizing for Beth. The rest of the ensemble is really good as well, especially Michaela Watkins as Beth's sister and Amber Tamblyn and David Cross as Don's therapy patients. No notes on the acting.

Second, the writing is really excellent. The idea is very intimate, specific and contained, but it could happen to any of us. In fact, it definitely has happened to all us. Moreover, Holofcener's dialogue is clever and funny. The arguments that the characters have throughout the movie are intriguing. It really makes you reflect on you own relationships. Pair this great writing with strong acting and you have a deeply affecting movie.

Now, the question is do you have to see this movie on the big screen? In the moral sense, it would be great if an intimate movie like this got some box office success. It is rare that a small dramedy about adults with specific issues without any explosions or superheroes gets any traction in the theaters. On the other hand, there is no scale to this movie that demands a big screen. In fact, this movie would be a great discussion piece with a group of friends after a night watching it at home.

Ultimately, You Hurt My Feelings is a funny and emotional film. It has a great central idea and strong characters to carry it through. Louis-Dreyfus is stellar as always, but she has a great script that helps her shine along with the equally great acting ensemble. I can't say this is a must see on a big screen, so I'll give it a handful of popcorn for the theaters; but, absolutely, gather your friends at home and stream this the first chance your get with a big box of popcorn.

The real star of this movie is...

[jenncollins311-172-719781 · 6/10 · 11 September 2023]

...not Julia Louis Dreyfus. It is Michaela Watkins. She steals every scene she is in. Her quirky snarks and well-timed delivery really stuck out to me.

Overall it was a comedic drama about how we sugar-coat our real feelings when talking to our loved ones, and where to draw the line between being honest and being considerate. I appreciated how that theme was carried through on a few different age levels in the movie, and how age dictates how honestly blunt a person can be and get away with it.

I thought the movie was good. I love Julia Louis Dreyfus but I simply did not love the somewhat needy character that she played. We all know someone like that, tho, right?, so it felt very relatable.

Michaela Watkins, though, was too funny. I hope to see her in more and more roles in the future.

Gently explores the tension between being supportive or honesty in relationships

[steiner-sam · 8/10 · 26 May 2023]

It's a comedy-drama wet in current times in New York City about relationships between long-standing couples.

Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) is a writer. She's had a moderately successful memoir published about a difficult childhood but is struggling with her first novel. Her husband, Don (Tobias Menzies), is a therapist. Some of the patients we meet are not making a lot of progress. Beth and Don have a 23-year-old son, Elliott (Owen Teague), who is an aspiring playwright, but currently manages a legal pot store. Beth's sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), is an interior designer with demanding clients. Sarah's husband, Mark (Arian Moayed), is an insecure actor with only occasional parts. Beth and Sarah's mother, Georgia (Jeannie Berlin), is challenging and seems on the verge of dementia.

"You Hurt My Feelings" is a gentle film that explores the tension between being supportive or brutal honesty in relationships, whether with spouses, clients, or children. It succeeds in the exploration, even though there is little real drama and not many belly laughs. In many ways, "You Hurt My Feelings" illustrates how many long-term relations prosper. Louis-Dreyfus, Menzies, and Teague are excellent. Amber Tamblyn and David Cross are also good as two of Don's bickering clients.

More interesting than most

[fraser-simons · 7/10 · 8 February 2024]

This was unusual enough to be interesting throughout, despite it having a pretty seemingly innocuous hook for the plot. It doesn't really go deep enough into anything it broaches, but it does manage to hit on the casual, unintentional ways people hurt others, and the reactions from those that sometimes make sense, other times are nonsense, based on patterns people often aren't aware of.

There's quite a few good comedic beats, pulling off tonal shifts most comedies these days simply fail at. It's more interested in failures of communication than something substantive, as mentioned, so it did become a bit of a let down as far as character work. It's why I don't think really any comedic works have ever really resonated with me. Still, better than most, I think.

Wandering and looking for a dramatic point

[Jackthemovielover · 5/10 · 4 June 2023]

If you like Julia Louis-Dreyfus or Tobias Menzies, you may find this enjoyable to watch, as both do a fine job with their roles. Otherwise, this will seem like a slow way to spend a couple hours. The plot wanders around searching for a dramatic climax or a storyline that leads somewhere. However, it doesn't get anywhere in particular. It's much like a comedy routine that just wanders from one story to another. Not too surprising, as Julia Louis-Dreyfus helped make "Seinfeld" the somewhat chaotic program it was. Funny, often, but as a movie, it leaves me wanting a more structured story.

A better title would have helped too. Something more like, "How we offend people when trying to be supportive" would have been illustrative, albeit not as pithy. The one theme that did seem to be reinforced was scenery of New York, especially as experienced by privileged people. That was interesting for about 30 minutes, but then the movie needed to deliver more message, if it had hopes of being satisfying. I rate it a 5 for the fine acting of the leading characters, but no higher for lacking a better script and story development. The result looked like it needed refining to clearly communicate a message.

Adults learn to control their responses to possible offence.

[maurice_yacowar · 9/10 · 12 September 2023]

Not often that a title so denies the thrust of a film. In this film's therapy-speak, accusing someone of hurting your feelings evades the reality: You choose to feel hurt. Partners in a successful relationship will assume responsibility for their own responses instead of blaming the other.

That's the point of all the family tensions here. The compulsion to be candid is embodied in Beth's title of her memoir: I Had to Tell It. She felt the compulsion to reveal her parents' cruel lack of respect of her. Excrement "for brains" was one of her daddy's sobriquets for her. Her candid memoir enabled her escape from the diminution it made her feel.

In her creative writing class Beth is properly over-enthusiastic about her students' attempts. But she's surprised and hurt that none have read or even heard of her book. They dutifully promise to correct that, but any insult is hers to take not what they gave.

Her response to her own son is diametrically opposed to her father's but equally problematic. In over-praising his potential and accomplishments she undermines his self-acceptance as much as her father did hers.

Beth's key "betrayal" now is her husband Don's praise of her new book, a novel. When she overhears his admission that he doesn't like the book she feels he has been lying to her.

But the husband's defence is solid. He wanted to support her even if the work was not to his taste. The second agent's sale of the book justifies Don's support. But Beth is immediately tested again when the blurb on her cover is trumped by a better blurb on the book beside hers. Who says what doesn't matter as much as how the subject chooses to respond.

When the couple jocularly recall their false appreciation of each other's gifts they are reminded that a close relationship may often depend upon such small tactful fibs. So, too, instead of declaring how ugly his facial surgery has left him Beth assures him he will look good when it heals.

The film closes on a perfect shot. The couple is together in bed again, starting to read their respective copies of their son's first play. We don't know how good/bad it will be or how supportive/candid they will be in response. But now they know the balance that's required and the understanding on both sides.

In a minor replay of the theme, when Beth's sister's boyfriend is fired from his play he resolves to retire from acting. Instead he apparently auditioned for another and enjoys success. Again, the firing isn't as significant as how he chooses to respond to it. As the bard put it, Tis in ourselves that we are thus or thus.

Don's counselling sessions work the same theme. Though he feels he is losing his skill and memory, the point again is that the responsibility to work lies with the client not the therapist. The longterm client who can't afford him anymore attests to Don's efficacy.

When the mutually hateful couple demand their $33,000 refund they indignantly reject his advice they separate. Their shared rejection of him saves their marriage when his patiently hearing them didn't. What he says or doesn't say is not as important as what they work out.

Perhaps the domestic theme's clearest exercise is in sister Sarah's interior design work. When she goes by her own taste her proposed lighting fixtures leave her apparently sophisticated client cold. But her desperate offer of a phallic grotesquerie works immediately. Here as in the psychological issues we can nurse our own abused feelings or try to understand the offending other's.

I don't know writer/director Nicole Holofcener's work. After this extraordinarily fresh, sensitive, witty intro I must watch for her more.

A solid drama comedy

[djrmc24 · 7/10 · 3 February 2024]

You Hurt My Feelings is a film by Nicole Holofcener who teams back up Julia Louis-Dreyfus. The film is a very solid drama and comedy that is about novelist's long-standing marriage suddenly turns upside down when she overhears her husband give his honest reaction to her latest book. Tobias Menzies and Julia Louis-Dreyfus have really good chemistry here and one could even argue that they are so convincing in the film that you might actually think they are married in real life. Now this is not your typical drama comedy as this focuses more on the drama human element rather than the scenes for laughs. Overall I enjoy the film and the performances. You Hurt My Feelings gets a solid 7 stars out of 10 from me.

Torturous

[davidalan-66862 · 2/10 · 28 May 2023]

I am a 58-year-old film buff, and this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in a theater. It is boring, stiff, dry, and very rarely funny--and when so, only mildly amusing. I heard only a handful of chuckles in the audience.

Dialogue is tortured and repetitive. A respectable script editor would have crossed out most of it with a red pencil and written "please rewrite" in the margin of every page.

The four main characters have cliche jobs that barely benefit humanity (novelist, actor, high-end interior designer, and therapist), and everyone is weak and whiney. The "conflict" is so lamely small: Julia L-D wrote a novel and she discovers that her husband doesn't like it. So what? Who cares? I guess the theme is that this segment of society (white upper-middle-class) is always overly nice and supportive of their spouses and children when they should be more honest and critical. Yawn. We've known that since the '90s. These are lame-o people with petty problems, and we don't empathize with them, care about them, or like them.

I don't think the story has a climax, and the resolution is weak and unsatisfying. There is no real emotion in this movie at all. Usually small movies at least have a heart, but this film has no heart or soul. The last scene is a nothing burger.

Even the movie's music is abysmal--like funeral music played really low. And though the setting is upscale New York in the summertime, we don't get to experience the joy of the setting. Shots are all close and tight; the movie feels claustrophobic.

The only redeeming quality is the angry couple in therapy; they were genuinely funny. One of the other therapy patients, the heavy one, was a good character too.

I find it troubling that reviews for this film are so good. One critic called it a "small masterpiece." It's as if the Oakland A's finished with a 43-119 record and sportswriters rated their season performance as a 9 out of 10. Makes ya wanna pull your hair out...