The Guard (2011)

Don Cheadle: FBI Agent Wendell Everett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sergeant Gerry Boyle : Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, these men are armed and dangerous, and you being an FBI agent you're more used to shooting at unarmed women and children...

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Oh, fuck you, Sergeant!

• FBI agent Wendell Everett : You know, I can't tell if you're really motherfuckin' dumb, or really motherfuckin' smart.

• Sergeant Gerry Boyle : This is a Gaelic speaking region. Did they not teach you that at Langley?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : No, they did not teach us that at Langley. For the simple fact that Langley is the CIA, you idiot, not the FBI!

• FBI agent Wendell Everett : You have anybody you want me to call?

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : Nah, I don't have anybody. Just pin a medal on my body like those boys coming home from Iraq.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Fuck you again Sergeant.

• FBI agent Wendell Everett : [at a house during Boyle's "day off"]  How you doin', ma'am. Special Agent Wendell Everett, Federal Bureau of Investigation. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?

  Woman at Bartley's House : [in Irish]  Bartley! There's a black man at the door!

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Oh. You don't... you don't speak any English, huh?

  Bartley : [in Irish]  What can I do for you?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : And... *you* don't speak any English.

  Bartley : [in Irish]  This is Ireland. Go over to England if you want to speak English.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : I just wanna show you a few pictures, see if you've... seen any of these men in the last few days? This gentleman...

  Bartley : [in Irish]  No, I haven't. And even if I had, I wouldn't tell you. Now you'll have to excuse me, I have to fix this lamp. It was a birthday present from my aunt in Australia. Good day to you.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : ...is there anyone else here I -

  [door is shut in his face] 

• FBI agent Wendell Everett : [Sergeant Boyle and FBI agent Wendell are driving at night. Boyle asks a question in a friendly manner, idle chat as getting to know each other. FBI agent answers]  Two boys. Stocken is five years old and Hughie has just turned three months old. I've got a picture of them.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett , Sergeant Gerry Boyle : [Boyle interrupts quickly]  Don't want to see it.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : [agent seems confused]  Excuse me?

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : [straight faced copper explains]  I don't want to see it. Babies all look the same. The only time a baby doesn't look like every other baby is when it's a really ugly baby. So unless you're about to show me a photo of a really ugly baby then I don't want to see it.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : That's pretty fucking rude.

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : Maybe it is maybe it isn't.

• [last lines] 

  Man With Camera : Didn't you foil a drug-trafficking operation and knock off a trio of drug barons to boot? What's unhappy about that?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Lost a good man.

  Man With Camera : I wouldn't be too sure about that now. I mean, they never recovered a body, did they?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : It's a big sea out there. He's dead. Either burned up or drowned.

  Eugene Moloney : But he was a really good swimmer.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : I'm sorry, son, that was just bullshit. He weren't never in the Olympics.

  Man With Camera : Maybe so. Sure it's easy enough to look up anyways.

• Sergeant Gerry Boyle : [interrupting the briefing]  I thought only black lads were drug dealers?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : I'm sorry, what?

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : I thought only black lads were drug dealers? And Mexicans. What do they call them. They have a word for them.

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Yeah, there's a word for you too, sir. But I'm not gonna go into that right now. Anyway, as I was saying, these men are highly dangerous...

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : [blurting out]  Mules. Drug mules.

  Gerry Stanton : That's enough of your guff now, Boyle. Apologize to the man.

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : Huh? Apologize for what?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : For your racist slurs, for one thing.

  Sergeant Gerry Boyle : I'm Irish, racism is part of my culture.

• Gerry Stanton : You know when you hear tell about someone being liquidated, you know, by the mob, like?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Mm.

  Gerry Stanton : What does that actually mean?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Means they've been killed. I mean, what else would it mean?

  Gerry Stanton : Yeah, I know that. But does it mean they've actually been turned into liquid?

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : Heh, heh, heh. Turned into liquid.

  [realizing he's serious] 

  FBI agent Wendell Everett : No. Just killed.

  Gerry Stanton : Yeah, I suppose turning someone into liquid would be too time-consuming, huh? Take ages.

• FBI agent Wendell Everett : I can't tell if you're really motherfucking dumb or really motherfucking smart.