- The Accountant: You're not the first to get out, and I doubt you'll be the last, but I have got to know, how did you get out with the God-killer?
- Milton: I just walked in and took it.
- The Accountant: Oh. Wouldn't wanna be you when he finds out.
- Milton: What's he gonna do? Not let me back in?
- The Accountant: Satan is simply the warden of a very large prison. Quiet man, actually, thoughtful, and he's well-read. And I happen to know the idea of sacrificing children in his honour annoys him greatly.
- The Accountant: What's that supposed to mean?
- Man in Wig: It's a symbol for our pact with Lord Satan.
- The Accountant: Pact, huh? Ooh! Funny, he's never mentioned you.
- Teen #2: You almost fucking killed me, man.
- The Accountant: Not even close. I won't see you again until you're 73.
- [looks at the other teenager]
- The Accountant: You, I'll see in three months.
- The Accountant: You, fat fuck. Come here.
- Fat Lou: What did you call me? What did you just call me?
- The Accountant: I called you "fat fuck," and we had better leave it at that. Unless you'd prefer I call you, "dead fat fuck."
- Milton: I'm going to kill you.
- Jonah King: Ah, Milton, so many have tried. But I am armored with a power that you will never know. Nothing of this earth can kill me.
- Milton: I'm not of this earth.
- Fat Lou: Who are you?
- The Accountant: I'm The Accountant.
- Fat Lou: That supposed to mean something to me?
- The Accountant: It will if I add you to the books.
- Cap: No goddamn way. No ever loving way in God's good heaven are you an FBI agent.
- The Accountant: I need you boys to stand down. Captain, you know what this badge means, right? Federal Bureau of get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way.
- The Accountant: [to Piper, re the God-killer, Milton's rifle-sized revolver, which she's pointing at him] He didn't steal that from me to stop me. He stole it to slow me down. Go help him while there's still time.
- The Accountant: [Piper starts backing away] Oh, and hold on tight. It has quite a kick.
- Milton: Fire isn't the worst part. It's the video feed. It's not about your suffering, your burning. It's about the suffering of those you love, because... that's all you see... in full detail. And there's nothing you can do to shut it off. My daughter was sixteen when I got shot. I watched her weep. I watched her curse me. I watched her join that...
- [with utmost contempt:]
- Milton: cult. I watched the murders. My tree-hugging, sandal-wearing son-in-law first, and then... And then, my daughter.
- [shakes his head]
- Milton: Burning is nothing... compared to watching your child's head... being torn off. Thank you, Webster. I don't believe I'll be having that beer just now. Not unless I'm drinking it from Jonah King's skull.
- The Accountant: [to the last female cultist] Would you have killed the baby if he asked?... Thought so. See you soon.
- [first lines]
- The Accountant: Since the birth of time, humanity has endeavored to restrain evil men in prisons. But since Cain fled the murder of his brother, evil men have fled the walls of punishment. So, it doesn't matter if you're a bad-ass motherfucker on the run, because you think you're better than everyone else, and somehow entitled to do what you gotta do. No. Because you see bad-ass motherfuckers are never fast enough. In the end, they will all be accounted for.
- Fucking Passenger: We're gonna kill your friend and the baby. And we're gonna live forever.
- The Accountant: Forever? If forever to you means the next five seconds, then you would be right.
- Jonah King: I've changed my mind about you, Piper. You are too willful to be taught. I am going to kill you, and then I'm going to defile your corpse.
- Piper: Between now and then, I'm gonna fuck you up.
- Fucking Passenger: You're too late. You gotta know that, right? First full moon, she's dead, man. She's dead and He's gonna walk the motherfucking earth.
- Milton: Hell already is walking the earth. You tell him I'm coming. Tell him I'm coming to get her back.
- Jonah King: This Milton is no friend to us. He will try and keep us from what we are rightfully owed. He is the blight, and we are the rain.
- The Accountant: Sombitch, where did he go?
- Frank: How the fuck should I know? I woke up and all three were gone!
- The Accountant: All three?
- Frank: The bitch, the Sombitch and my car.
- Candy: Howdy. I'm Candy. Start you off with some drinks?
- Milton: Beer.
- Candy: I need to see some IDs, too.
- Milton: What the hell is this?
- Candy: Guess it's been a while since you did that visiting. You want a drink? You gotta be a member. Dry county.
- Piper: Holy shit. Sorry.
- Milton: That was in my pocket!
- Piper: Don't look at me like I'm some sort of thief. I lifted it for protection. If you stole my ride, I was gonna have to hunt you down.
- Milton: Did she say something funny?
- Candy: Yeah, this license isn't just expired, it's antique.
- Milton: All right, then bring me a black coffee with sugar.
- Candy: Aw! Now, now, now. For you, handsome, I don't know, I think maybe I can bend the rules a bit. My pussy is the best thing you can drink around here. But don't tell nobody.
- Piper: You gonna tap that or what? Geez, Milton, how long has it been?
- Milton: I've had a lot on my mind.
- Piper: Uh-huh. Right. Suit yourself then. But no one ever reaches the end and says, "I wish I hadn't fucked so much."
- Milton: And where are you going exactly?
- Piper: To suck that man with the huge cock. Not everyone gets laid easily like you.
- Candy: I'm wet, let's get the fuck out of here!
- Jonah King: Don't you see? We're standing at a crossroads. You all didn't think we could just kick up our heels and change the world, did you, hmm?