- Andy Anderson: [Beginning his eulogy] Look at all this, she really filled the place up. Hope I do half as well when I kick. Anyway, I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why my mother-in-law picked me to deliver her eulogy. Was she trying to punish me? Maybe. Embarrass me? Probably. Annoy me? Definitely!
- Andy Anderson: What's going on, Ora? Morning already?
- Ora Anderson: No, it's just... I've got some cooking to do. I need to make dinner.
- Andy Anderson: Honey, have you looked in the freezer? If the polar ice caps were to melt and flood the earth for three years, we still wouldn't miss a meal.
- Louie Anderson: Where'd she go?
- Rabbi: Someplace good.
- Louie Anderson: Think you could be a little more specific?
- Rabbi: I can't, and I wouldn't want to be. The world to concentrate on, Louie, is this one. Just know that your grandmother went to a place that you and I... we can't even begin to imagine it.
- Louie Anderson: Come on, Rab! You know how it works. Without a ZIP code, this puppy's not going anywhere. This place, is it... heaven?
- Rabbi: Some rabbis say yes, some rabbis say no.
- Louie Anderson: Will I need extra stamps? Is it nearby? Can she see us from there?
- Rabbi: Mmm... some rabbis say yes, some rabbis say no.
- Louie Anderson: Well what do you say?
- Rabbi: Me? Hmm... Well, I say that some rabbis say yes, and some rabbis say no.
- Louie Anderson: Oh man, I knew you were gonna say that.