- M.O.D.O.K.: Why are we losing soldiers?
- General Dagger: You took their shields away and melted them down to make figurines.
- M.O.D.O.K.: Well, we didn't take their swords, though. Let's take their swords and melt those down to make shields for the figurines. I don't wanna make the same mistake with the figurines that I did with the soldiers.
- M.O.D.O.K.: [after landing on his face in Asgard] Eat your heart out, Kerry Strug and Sully Sullenberger, there's a new lander in town.
- Jodie Tarleton: [on phone] Oh, thank god, M.O.D.O.K., I need you.
- M.O.D.O.K.: [whispering to Gary for advice] Gary, it's phone sex!
- Gary: [gasps] The sex you're best at!
- Jodie Tarleton: It's not phone sex, M.O.D.O.K.
- M.O.D.O.K.: Last night at Hardy's, now this? Can there be one day this week where I don't dive into a garbage can?
- Lou Tarleton: If you think I'm afraid of getting dirty, you clearly haven't been reading my letters to the Green M&M.
- Lou Tarleton: 90% of magic's in the flair. David Copperfield said that. 90% of magic's in the hair. David Copperfield's hair plug guy said that.