- [Emma has proposed in a town meeting that Dog River participate in Turn Off Your TV Week]
- Lacey Burrows: I don't watch TV, so missing a week of it would be a breeze for me. Well, I do watch one show - So You Think Your Kid Can Dance - but that's it. Last night was actually pretty good. There's this kid from Cincinnati and his dad just lost his job, his mom's in jail. So this little kid - he's eight years old - he danced his heart out. I called in and voted for him, like, ten times. You can do that. You can do that. You can call them however many times you want.
- Karen Pelly: I think we should give up TV just to get Lacey off the junk.
- [during Turn Off Your TV Week, Brent looks for alternative entertainment]
- Brent Leroy: [looking at a lava lamp] Whoa! Now it's two pieces of floatey goop!
- Brent Leroy: [to customers at Corner Gas] I've soaped up the windows on Wanda's car pretending to be Hank and there's a lemon meringue pie placed precariously on top of the ladder. Let's see waht happens... on the Hank and Wanda Show!
- [but Hank and Wanda are on to him and turn the situation to their advantage]
- Wanda Dollard: That looks like a delicious watermelon, Hank. Wherever did you get it?
- Hank Yarbo: At the Food Mart. 99 cents a pound.
- Wanda Dollard: Food Mart's great. I find that their warm and friendly staff is always eager to answer any question I might have.
- Hank Yarbo: And now with the extra till they've added, there's no reason to wait in line.
- Wanda Dollard: [singing a jingle] Who's smart?
- Hank Yarbo: [singing] Thou art!
- Hank Yarbo, Wanda Dollard: [singing] When you shop at Food Mart!
- Brent Leroy: You've got to be kidding me.
- Window Denizen: This is just one big ad!
- Davis Quinton: [hosting a jazz radio program] Hello, jazz fans. This is Downtown Davis. I'm gonna make a phone call, but it's not a real phone call. It's what we like to call a crank call. Okay, here we go.
- [he dials]
- Brent Leroy: [answering] Corner Gas.
- Davis Quinton: Hello.
- Brent Leroy: Hey, Davis.
- Davis Quinton: Oh, it's not Davis. This is John Coltrane, jazz saxophonist. Do you have any popsicles?
- Brent Leroy: Isn't John Coltrane dead?
- Davis Quinton: Yeah. That's why this is... Charlie Parker.
- Brent Leroy: He's dead too.
- Davis Quinton: Right. I mean... Ornette Coleman.
- Brent Leroy: You want to think this through and call me back?
- Davis Quinton: [speaking into radio mic] It's 20 minutes after the hour, and Karen Pelly has just entered the police station. No accidents, so it should be smooth walking all the way to her desk.
- Karen Pelly: What are you doing?
- Davis Quinton: I got out the old ham radio and I was thinking - we could do a radio show to help people through No TV Week!
- Karen Pelly: Ah, that is so cool! This is gonna be great! A classic rock station right here in Dog River!
- Davis Quinton: [with sarcasm] Yeah, 'cause that's what Saskatchewan needs is another classic rock station - maybe we could call it The Bear, or The Goat, or The Moose!
- Karen Pelly: That's good, I like all of those names.
- Davis Quinton: No... what Saskatchewan needs is an all-jazz station!
- Karen Pelly: But I thought we wanted people to listen - or am I confused?
- [when Oscar finds a miniature TV set in the basement, he starts charging people to get their fix. Lacey, having been the first to cave, gets involved as well]
- Lacey Burrows: [entering, with a tray of pastries] I was pretty quiet, I think I made it past Emma.
- Oscar Leroy: Emma's not home.
- Lacey Burrows: Oh. Well, then I definitely did.
- Oscar Leroy: [noticing the pastries] Oh, what have you got there?
- Lacey Burrows: [slapping Oscar's hand away] Whoa, whoa, whoa Ted Turner. Three bucks each.
- Oscar Leroy: What? That's highway robbery!
- Lacey Burrows: I tell you what. You let me watch TV for free and you can have a sticky bun.
- Oscar Leroy: Deal.
- Oscar Leroy: [to one of the TV watchers] Hey, want a sticky bun? Four bucks.
- Lacey Burrows: Oscar!
- Lacey Burrows: [to the TV watcher] They're five.
- [to Brent, about how she is managing without TV]
- Lacey Burrows: Ah, fantastic. I've got all this free time. I've been baking, calling old friends...
- [cut to Lacey, on her phone in her kitchen]
- Lacey Burrows: [phone] Hey... Do you watch So You Think Your Kid Can Dance?... Oh, you lost your TV in the divorce? I see, hmm... Do you have your ex-husband's phone number?
- [at Oscar's TV speakeasy]
- Oscar Leroy: Hey, Jim! Your usual spot?
- Jim: Please.
- Oscar Leroy: Lacey, Jim's here! Two sticky buns, pronto!
- Lacey Burrows: Coming right up! Hiya, Jim.
- Oscar Leroy: [he hears a noise upstairs] It's Emma! Okay everyone, you know the drill!
- Lacey Burrows: Come on!
- [everyone hurries to put away the TV and bring out a card table while Emma comes down the stairs]
- Emma Leroy: What are you all doing down here?
- Oscar Leroy: Hey, Emma! Just a friendly game of cards.
- Emma Leroy: Cards?
- Oscar Leroy: Yeah.
- Emma Leroy: What do you think I am, an idiot?
- [Emma pulls away a cardboard box expecting to find a TV set, but all she finds is a radio]
- Oscar Leroy: [turning it on] Oh-ho, a radio! Thanks Emma!
- Karen Pelly: [radio] You're listening to DRPD!
- [fart noise and car horn sound effects]
- Lacey Burrows: Maybe we don't need the radio...
- [helping Wanda with her crossword]
- Hank Yarbo: Starts with an 'M', another word for belittled... Midget! Here, I'll write it.
- [Davis is jealous of how popular Karen's weather report is on their radio show]
- Davis Quinton: Coming up next, we have Special K with her ever-popular weather report...
- Karen Pelly: Thanks Davis! Outside we...
- Davis Quinton: [imitating a helicopter's whirring] But not before we hear from Big Daddy Davis with his traffic report! This is Davis with his eye in the sky. We're looking down on Main Street and it looks a little back-ack-a-dacked-up out there! We've got some cattle on the road...
- [cow mooing sound effect]
- Davis Quinton: And a couple of lions as well...
- [lions roaring sound effect]
- Davis Quinton: And a donkey!
- [donkey braying sound effect]
- Davis Quinton: And now over to Special K for the weather!
- Karen Pelly: [aggressively] Well, it is hotter out there than a...
- [cat meowing sound effect]
- Karen Pelly: Ugh, I can't do this!
- Davis Quinton: Well, here is a weather report for you, Karen's attitude is as cold as ice! And speaking of "Cold as Ice", here's a little Foreigner for ya...
- [random tune playing]
- Davis Quinton: Okay, that's not Foreigner... But if it was, it would have been pretty cool!