Kill Her Goats (2023) User Reviews

Starring boobs and a goat mask...

[Coventry · 2/10 · 24 April 2023]

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner... "Kill Her Goats" must be the poorest and most useless excuse for a horror movie in history. And, please, don't let anyone tell you it's a spoof or deliberately bad. It's just plain bad. There are tongue-in-cheek elements present, for sure, but the skills and talent to process these into a good parody/horror comedy are missing.

In a strange way, I almost admire writer/director Steve Wolsh. Either this man has been living under a rock and never heard of all the socially & politically correct movements of recent years, or he has... but genuinely doesn't care! Fact remains that Wolsh treated himself to a party! He somehow successfully pretended to helm a film production and gathered a whole bunch of untalented but lewd 'actresses' that he could record in various stages of undress. Well done, Steve! Glad you had fun.

"Kill Her Goats" stars six gorgeous girls with perfect (and sometimes enhanced) measurements. Never mind their names because they were obviously just cast based on their bra-size and willingness to do nudity in front of the camera. The plot revolves around them being hunt down by some guy (or two guys?) wearing a goat mask.

75% of the running time exists of footage of girls taking showers, drinking wine in their undies, changing tops, getting ready for bed, or posing for social media photographs. In the barely 25% of time that is left, Wolsh still manages to ruin everything. Who are these killers? What are their motivations? What's the significance of the dream-sequence at the cemetery? Who's the couple in the tent? Why imply to make it look like a New England haunted house tale during the opening sequences? Why doesn't anyone so much as even think about calling 911? Etc. Sure, track down a copy if you want to gaze at cute girls without clothes, but I think there are easier alternatives for that.

Was This A Porn? I Still Can't Tell. But If The Goats Aren't Getting Laid By The Sequel...They're Not Playing Their Cards Right!

[meddlecore · 2/10 · 9 May 2023]

Considering the cast entirely consists of Onlyfans sex workers...it's not surprising that the best thing about this film is the boobs.

The question is...if it's written like a porn; shot like a porn; and cast like a porn...does that make it a porn?

Probably.

But there definitely weren't enough goat-man sex scenes for my particular taste.

There are a healthy amount of boobs, however.

And they are very nice boobs.

So it has that going for it, at least.

But the plot is totally inconceivable.

What we do know, is that one of the girls has purchased a beach house known as the Tupp House (fresh out of college, no less. So, from the proceeds of her Onlyfans, no doubt).

You are led to believe the house has some sort of storied, probably violent, history.

But they make no attempt to explain what that actually is.

Instead, choosing, to keep you distracted with more boobs.

The writing is also hilariously bad.

Though, you can't help but be amazed that the actresses were actually able to remember the lines without a teleprompter.

Good for them.

The whole thing is so poorly constructed, that you can actually watch the entire thing...and have literally no idea what it's about.

Eventually, the goats do show up, though.

And that's when things start to get epic.

Because, not only does the one goat-man have a DOUBLE freaking chainsaw!!!

Another of the goats has boobs.

Cause, why not?!

Right?

I guess that makes them more furries than goats, though.

So the secret must be that the Tupp's were a family of goat-themed furries, or something, I suppose.

Either way, after reading this, you'd probably think that it's a completely unwatchable film (considering there's no actual goat sex in it).

But, oddly enough, there's just enough boobs in it, to keep you engaged.

At least long enough for you to realize the goats don't get to smash.

A missed oppourtunity, if I've ever seen one.

To their credit, however...the ending is actually unpredictable.

It might not make a whole lot of sense.

But it's doubtful you would see it coming.

So, there's that too, I guess.

Was This A Porn?

I Still Can't Tell.

But If The Goats Aren't Getting Laid By The Sequel...They're Not Playing Their Cards Right.

2 out of 10, cause...boobs.

Kane Hodder, almost Wes Craven and boobs. Lots of boobs.

[p-nut-2 · 3/10 · 1 May 2023]

The fact that this movie stars Kane Hodder, the man behind the mask in Friday the 13th, had me instantly and the chainsaw and blood-covered cleavage in the poster helped too.

Even the great Easter Egg which is the town where it all happens being called West Craven, which when said with their accent, sounds exactly like the name of the director of A Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream.

Unfortunately the movie itself is just an excuse for former Playboy models to show off their bodies, but on the other hand, fortunately the movie itself is just an excuse for former Playboy models to show off their bodies.

Very little script, even less conversation, and even less plot. I give the movie itself one star, and the breasts earn two stars as they are far more impressive than anything else on show.

I did actually watch the director's other attempt at making a horror movie after finishing this movie. It is far worse, mainly due to the lack of uncovered breasts in comparison to this movie.

This is the kind of movie you tell someone to watch as a practical joke.

Playmates and goats

[SnoopyStyle · 3/10 · 19 April 2023]

College grad Audra Bucklebee gets a house on Cape Cod. Her ex Devon Bruce is pissed. She has her friends, Missy Becks and Reese Knox, over for a house-warming sleepover. Something with a goat-face is in the house.

This is basically a stupid indie slasher horror. None of it is any good. It does have two unusual aspects. It has goats. There are real goats and a guy in a goat mask. I actually like the goat mask, but it's still not good. The other aspect is the bevy of buxom babes. Some of them are actual Playboy Playmates. There are literally two girls taking showers one after the other. They are wearing skimpy outfits and some are showing off their T&A. The acting is poor, but I actually expected worst. If Playboy made horrors, this is what it would look like.

I'm not sure what I just watched...

[ant36au · 5/10 · 19 April 2023]

I mean, it had all the elements of a good slasher naked girls, girls in underwear, girls in underwear getting slashed, blood and gore, but no story development, just reasonable looking naked girls who couldn't deliver a natural line if their lives depended on it let alone a natural boob (with the exception of the aussie girl) by the end of the movie I just sat there asking myself what just happened? Is that it?, what happened to the story of the Tupp house? Was this all just about daddies money, if so why even bother with a story about the Tupp house and not carry on with it , all in all nice to look at and a little fun but good cinema it isn't.

This had potential to be something

[JohnnybGhoul · 3/10 · 29 April 2023]

The opening scene certainly sets you up for making you think you're in for one hell of a gory movie. The murder of a pair of campers by Goat Face & his dual, giant hedge trimmers, which provides plenty of gore & bare skin. It certainly feels like you're back in the 80s. After the opening kill scene Kill Her Goats turns into something that looks more like an 80s T&A film or a soft core porno than a horror film. There are loads of shots of women jumping on beds, bouncing down stairs, whipping off bikini tops & taking showers. Which wouldn't be bad except that this is supposed to be a horror movie & those scenes are shot in such a bland, by-the-numbers fashion that they can't overcome the truly terrible dialogue & acting. There's never any suspense or feeling of dread because we're dealing with terrible acting & unlikable characters that we don't care about. As for the plot, it's almost impossible to figure out what is actually going on. It's not the worst movie but it has many flaws.

Overall, the potential was there for Kill Her Goats. It could have been a wicked throwback to the golden age of slashers. Unfortunately, the filmmakers consistently made bad decisions & squandered that potential along with an hour & a half of the viewer's life.

Yeah, that was a swing and a miss...

[paul_haakonsen · 2/10 · 2 May 2023]

Yeah, that was a swing and a miss...

Stumbling upon the oddly titled "Kill Her Goats" horror movie here in 2023, of course I opted to watch it, given my love of the horror cinema. However, I have to admit that I wasn't all that thrilled about it, as the movie had managed to land a staggering 2.9 rating here on IMDb when I sat down to watch it.

However, opting to give the movie the benefit of the doubt, I still found the time to sit down and watch what writer and director Steve Wolsh had to offer.

And I couldn't sit through the entire 99 minutes that the movie ran for. I managed to endure a staggering 51 minutes of the most immature and pointless writing for a script that I have seen in a long, long time. There was no contents to the script, no proper storyline, and it was essentially all about showing off scantily clad women in various degrees of undress having a sleepover of sorts. That was about it. Nothing worthwhile sitting down to watch here actually.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in "Kill Her Goats". Nor can I say that I was impressed with anything I saw, because the actresses on the cast list virtually had nothing to work with in terms of script, character gallery or dialogue. Perusing through the cast ensemble listed on IMDb, I must admit that I am very, very surprised to see Kane Hodder on the cast list for this movie. Three words come to mind here; Kane Hodder, why?

The movie's best aspect was the cover and the whacky title.

It should be said though, that the movie actually does have a fair production level to it. But that really did nothing to alleviate for the immense shortcoming of an immature and pointless script, non-distinct characters and wobbly dialogue.

If you enjoy horror movies, take heed of the movie's low rating and give writer and director Steve Wolsh's 2023 horror movie "Kill Her Goats" a wide berth. It simply isn't worth the time, effort or money.

My rating of of "Kill Her Goats" lands on a two out of ten stars. And believe you me when I say that I am not even going to bother returning to watch the rest of the movie; I just simply didn't care about the non-existing storyline or the flaccid character gallery.

One of the worst movies I've ever seen

[deftonestilldeath · 2/10 · 30 April 2023]

I don't even know why Kane Hodder would want his name attached to this movie, it was terrible, we all know why we wanted to watch this movie from the start, it stars a ton of playmates so we all knew what would be in it but I also thought it would have some decent kills and a good enough story to go along with it, I was wrong. I couldn't watch the whole thing at once cause I was so bored, even with all the nice shower scenes at the start, I was waiting for something to happen but it just felt weird, the ending was terrible, it was just all around bad, I'll probably never watch it again, maybe the first 30 mins, but that's it.

Shame on me for not trusting fellow reviewers

[gineacat · 1/10 · 25 July 2023]

I usually would not entirely trust my fellow reviewers as one man 's food could sometimes be another man's poison and some movies could be so bad that it was good ! This time , shame on me ! I thought what was there to lose with T&A even without content , acting or script . I was silly enough to buy a metal box 4K plus Blu-ray version thinking this like other cult B classic deserved a collector edition and with people willing to make an effort to produce such a version . Wrong again. All I see in this movie are incoherent clips that made no sense . Playboy would have made something better . What have goats got anything to do with anything in the movie .To be fair that I fast forward so much that may be I have missed some subtle parts . Slumber Party massacre should get an Oscar comparing to this one in terms of effort .

It's a Tupp!

[nogodnomasters · 4/10 · 21 August 2023]

The film claims part of the story is true. It was filmed at the Tupp House on Cape Cod in the town of West Craven (Ouch! They love puns.). Thomas Graham Tupp was the original settler born at sea in 1623. The house is said to be cursed and causes insanity. Audrey Bucklebee (Arielle Raycene) is the first non-Tupp owner. We see Kane Hodder kill he father (Eric Littlefield) and his topless golf course tramp fling Tandy Dripp (Colleen Hagerty) in the opening scene with a gas powered chainsaw that starts up without pulling a cord. Plenty of blood. Audrey has a girl's night house warming party with her BFFs Missy (Ellie Gonsalves) and Reese (Monica Sims). They were at the beach earlier watching her ex-BF Devon (Skyler Seymour) take topless photos of Autumn (Amberleigh West) which we see more during the credits.

The film basically wants to feature Kane Hodder and stunt doubles kill topless models. Most of the stars are former Playboy Models. There is not much to the plot. What was with the broken wine glasses? Blooper reel followers film.

Guide: F-word. No sex. Nudity (Arielle Raycene, Ellie Gonsalves, Monica Sims, Amberleigh West, Colleen Hagerty)

What's going on?? Why are there goats?? Shoo! Go away goat!

[SlashedProductions · 6/10 · 19 April 2023]

Kill Her Goats is an amusing, low budget horror for the right crowd. It is shot very competently and has great practical effects.

The dialogue is hilariously bad, and is really what keeps this film entertaining. The film's weakness is in the pacing and editing. Sequences are just far too long and this film could have been chopped down quite a bit. I wouldn't say I was ever bored though. The characters talking to themselves, saying very out of the box things kept my attention.

Not a great movie by any means, but for fans of straight to disc/streaming horror, there might be something there for you. A 6/10 because I'm feeling generous.

Slasher movie misses the mark

[stewartlehr · 3/10 · 18 April 2023]

How can a reviewer write 600 words on this mess of a movie?

A slasher movie needs to have certain things to make it in the genre such as:

1. Tits! Yep, plenty of visuals there. From the opening scene gravity and skin interact. I might add that Ms Raycene more than contributes in that area

2. Bums! Yep, plenty of visuals there as well. Bouncing bums aplenty.

3. Acting? This movie has such little competent thespian qualities that Ms Raycene almost hits the mark. I said almost because the final scenes end in an incoherent bloody mess.

4. Plot? Well there is a plot but it's gossamer thin and in the end the director lost control of the movie.

I really need to watch again to work out the plot but life is too short and watching this mess is just painful.

So how to you rate a movie like this? Well, it gets one point for the tits and bums and another point for the copious amounts of (fake) blood.

Oh what the hell, I'll give it another point for Ms Raycene's bust.

I'm giving it a generous 3/10 and I want my wasted time back!

No shortage of attractive ladies in various states of undress... Also, really bad acting

[selfdestructo · 2/10 · 3 June 2023]

Ouch, for a retro slasher loaded with T&A, this one misses the mark by a country mile.

Somehow, crowd-funded Kill Her Goats managed a 4K steelbook release? And I bought it?! Let's start with some promises made. Packaging proudly states there is no CGI used in this movie, only practical effects. Hey, there's something I can get behind! Is there a single memorable gore effect to be found in its 99-minute runtime? Sadly, NO! Ok, the packaging says that it features an unrated version on Blu-ray, plus bloopers. Oh, this must be a Doctor Sleep situation, where the uncut version appears only on the Blu-ray. No such luck, an identical version appears on both the 4K disc and Blu-ray! Hmm, no mistake here, I'm calling a bait and switch. And the bloopers? There are exactly ZERO extras between these two discs. We've got a Cannonball Run deal on the bloopers, and I can assure you, I groaned loudly when I saw them crank up. I want to appeal to all aspiring filmmakers: Stop it. Please! They got it right once.

Ok, there is ONE single extra, not advertised: ENGLISH SUBTITLES! I only point this out because for 3/4 of the movie, I couldn't hear the dialogue! And I have a great surround system with a designated dialogue channel. In this movie, it seems like you're treated as an outside observer when it comes to conversations. I wasn't even sure what was SUPPOSED to be heard! It's even useful for inaudible sound cues, described in the subtitles. In all honesty, I shouldn't even care, given what this movie attempts to say. Oh, my rear speakers were active... for all the loud jump scares, as well as loud music cues. And I haven't even touched on the movie itself, that is, if you consider utter nonsense and boobs constituting a movie.

Chick is given a historic haunted house on Cape Cod as a graduation gift... where murders took place. Wine guzzling and multiple showers (where the girls constantly cover up! ... in the shower!!) ensue. That's at least half the movie. Remnants of the fabled family exist. A fat guy with a topless woman in a tent are attacked by a goat-man with a hedge trimmer. A guy is cheating on his girl. A girl is attacked by the director in a pool of dirty water. Someone with access to goats takes some futile revenge on the house's new owner. Chick dreams she's in a graveyard. Repeatedly. Somehow, TWO men dress up as homicidal goats?! Somehow, Kane Hodder was roped in to be a homicidal goat?! Actual goat licks chick's foot. Does that cover most of it? Yes, total nonsense!!

"I had a bunch of ideas and put 'em in a movie!"

So, what am I left with? Ah, gratuitous camera shots. I can honestly say the director does not even get that right! Either he was trying (*trying*) to be artful about the nudity, or just plain incompetent, I couldn't decide which. For the sheer volume of foxy ladies that appear in this, the eroticism factor is surprisingly low. A few times the ladies get covered in blood. Ok, that's good stuff. Two stars.

Bad Throwback of Scantily Clad Horror

[DonutMassacre64 · 2/10 · 11 May 2023]

I'm a sucker for horror movies with scantily clad babes running around from a deranged villain. Movies like The Dead Pit or Sorority House Massacre 2, while pretty bad movies themselves, had a certain level of charm to them. Kill Her Goats has the scantily clad babes down, but not much else.

Audra has moved into the Tupp House and invites her two best friends over for a night of wine and horror movies, when they are soon stalked and hunted by a masked killer Goatface. This all sounds like a fun time, but it is a drag to sit through as most of the time nothing is really happening. The movie takes its time letting our female leads get undressed but it takes too long for the chaos to ensue. There's barely any story as we don't really know anything about Goatface until the end when they are defeated. They as in there's more than one killer. Then the movie decides to make Audra the killer as she finishes the rest of the characters (kinda, wasn't sure if two of them were killed or just knocked unconscious). This all seemed dull and the Goatface reveals were very brief and I quickly forgot about them because it all seemed unimportant even though it was supposed to be important.

There were some nice easter eggs such as the town being called West Craven and the callbacks to writer/director Steve Wolsh's earlier slasher Muck. Some of the bloodshed was also nice and I liked the dream sequence one of our characters finds herself in, but the whole middle section of the movie was just devoted to getting our female leads undressed while nothing happens until the movie begins to reach the final third. Speaking of Muck, that movie also sucks. It seems Wolsh only knows how to get playmates and only fans models into his movies and nothing else.

2/10 avoid this movie and waste your time with other sleazy horror movies.

What...

[hellbilly-61944 · 2/10 · 20 May 2023]

I don't even know what this was.

It's like they asked a 12 year old to wirte a horror movie. And he was like "ok, what's it about?" And they said "nothing". But it's called "Kill Her Goats". So...involve goats in some way.

And the he was like "ohhh killer goats"...I got it.

And they said "no, goats have nothing to do with it. But you like boobs, right? " And he said "yeah". And made this movie.

There's literally a line towards the end where a chick says "why are there goats?". I don't think it was even in the script.

I almost recommend it just because of how absurd it is.

It's like a Rob Zombie film if Rob Zombie was a child.

Innocent goats

[kosmasp · 4/10 · 9 November 2023]

No pun intended - also are they really innocent? If you believe in their symbolic meaning I doubt that is true for you. Not to mention a scene where a character (rightfully) questions the fact of .. well goats being there. But before you think this is animal horror ... it isn't.

The movie starts off really good actually. And I don't necessarily mean the nudity it offers right from the start (though if you have issues with that ... well it does not get much better later on)! No it is the special effects - and I have to admit I did like the pun, even if I knew it wasn't what I thought it would be. Or you for that matter - no worries (?), you'll never know how big it actually is - we never really see it.

Innuendo aside, the movie gives us more hot women. Right after that. In Bikinis - but also one with her top of. And American as the two other girls are, they take offense with the other woman - I understand it is not a nudist beach ... nor a music video shoot (though you'd be forgiven if you thought it was - especially when it is mirrored/repeated in the end credits) ... are you offended though? You may actually be offended by most women later on (it's more or less three "final" girls) covering up ... even when they take a shower. That surely must be an American thing - or being too shy in front of their friends? We don't have to understand it.

But the movie is shot in a way that if you like looking at gorgeous women ... well you'll get a lot of that. There is one scene, where one of our characters changes tops ... ten times? I didn't count and I am not arguing against it ... well not really. The talking to herself was way more annoying I reckon. The story is forgettable ... but the blood and violence effects are quite good - and why else would you even want to watch this? Well the nudity maybe ... but again .. some of it is covered up (no pun intended once again)

Implants and Bad Acting

[arfdawg-1 · 2/10 · 12 December 2023]

The plot is just an excuse for violence. The only saving grace for this ovie is the abundance of very very very large endowed young hot women in low cut clingy tops bending over or going topless. They are quite a sight for sore eyes.

As for the acting, directing and writing? They simply do not exist in this movie. Th "direector" substituted big boobs for talent every frame of the way.

For example, there are endless scenes of a hot blonde skipping around the property just begging for a wet tee-shirt contest.

As time goes by more enhaced hot babes are introduced into the mix. And at the 25 minute time stamp the shower scene happens. And it seems like it goes on for 20 minutes. By then you've already seen a ton of enhanced bosomes.

But the parade of ta-tas isnt over. Not by a long shot.

More shower scenes are in yoru future. Because this isnt a horror movie. It's more of a find hot chicks and get them to take their clothes off movie.

I'm not complaining, but that's what Onlyfans is for.

you wonder if you got the wrong movie from P-hub

[s_simov · 1/10 · 25 August 2023]

Lol , that's one of the worst horror movies i've seen in a while. The director is just a wnker who wanted to watch naked girls and pretend this is a "horror movie" .. Yes, i know female nudity is common in this genre... But not when it's like HALF of the movie if not even more than that. Felt cheaper than watching p*rn actually, because there you know what to expect... Story is lame. It's as flat as it can be, with no real plot, many nonsense and nothing really happening besides chicks getting dressed and undressed multiple times.

Acting was bad to mediocre, no surprise. Camerawork was very bad, and so was the editing. Many cheap repetitive scenes with different angles, many nasty dutch angles. There are few cool shots tho, esp the foggy ones in the graveyard, but that's probably random lucky shot than anything else when you see how bad the rest is. And even they are not that good, just good in comparison to the rest.

Many shots felt like the shots you have from your b-roll and they put it in the film because they didn't have enough time for it. They didn't even do the editing right. Many of the multi-angle shots of the same scene were totally off as color grading. Something so basic yet only amateur would screw it so bad.

Overall - highly NOTrecommended. If you want to watch naked girls, better go with the proper genre. If you want to watch horror movie - ANY movie will be better, even Troma have better quality than this. I'd take the worst Troma than this trash movie any day.

No Entertainment Value Whatsoever

[jfgibson73 · 1/10 · 19 July 2023]

Here is one of the most inept horror movies I've ever watched. It was made by people who have no idea how to create characters, build suspense of any kind, or tell anything resembling a story. It revolves around a woman who moves into a new home. We see her arrive, check the place out, invite some friends over, and watch a movie. From the time this sequence starts, we are constantly getting shots that appear to be from the viewpoint of someone watching the girls (presumably the killer). However, these cuts continue to be interspersed through 40 MINUTES of time-wasting buildup. It goes on so long, that you almost start to feel that nothing is coming and that the exterior shots have no purpose. Eventually, the women are attacked by two separate goat-masked killers. We find out who one of them is, and it makes no sense. However, we never learn anything about his companion. Then, the woman who owned the home seems to just start killing her friends for no discernable reason. The movie ends the next morning when everyone else is dead and the main character just leaves the property. She starts walking down the road in her blood soaked clothes, despite her vehicle still sitting in the driveway. There was not enough here to fill a full length movie. They find more ways to waste time then nearly any other film I've seen. None of it was fun or enjoyable in any way. This was really, really bad.

An overall watchable if flawed slasher throwback

[kannibalcorpsegrinder · 7/10 · 16 May 2023]

After inheriting an old house for graduation, a woman and her friends decide to break in the occasion with a house party where they can enjoy the house together, but when they realize that a vicious serial killer also lives on the property looking to kill them off must try to get away alive.

Overall, this was a decent enough and watchable slasher effort. Among the brighter points with this one is a seemingly simple and workable storyline that manages to serve everything quite nicely for this type of film. With the backstory about the houses' abandoned nature and a rather fine urban legend about the freakish nature of the house in question, this offers the kind of worthwhile setup that this type of old-school slasher throwback excels at with the concept offering the kind of setting to introduce the particular killer. With that also allowing for the girls to arrive in the story rather nicely with how they take possession of the house for the party and turning the resulting rampage into a rather obvious ploy for control of the property based on this background setup, the story here isn't great but is worthwhile for what it's trying to do. That serves the film well enough to unleash its main selling point in the carnage on display. The kills in here are quite shockingly brutal and graphic in their conception, offering up practical effects-work throughout for each of the sequences here which plays off quite nicely at the end of the confrontations featured. As this starts off with the attack in the tent by the massive, masked killer, this gives us enough to last until the next appearance at the midway point in the film where he stalks one of the girls through a creepy, fog-enshrouded graveyard that's immensely chilling and atmospheric. This sets up the solid final half where he begins chasing them through the house with an assortment of effective weaponry. This offers up some rather enjoyable scenes and setpieces featuring their confrontations with multiple masked killers which is combined with a nice amount of sleaze to give this some worthwhile elements at times. There are some issues on display that bring this one down. One of the main factors with this one is the lethargic and stilted pacing that makes the film feel far longer than it actually is. The majority of the first half here is focused on getting each of the girls topless while spending agonizing amounts of time wandering about the house, drinking wine, or gossiping about the house's history which only means the former is interesting. Once that's past, the last three activities are none too intriguing with the whole thing showing off the group as vacuous, self-absorbing rich kids without much going on to make them interesting so that provides an excruciatingly long time before the killings start. The other factor that holds this back is the rather overblown finale that has some bizarre revelations, way too many characters getting revealed and some twists it didn't need to pad out an already overlong running time based on that first half, all of which bring this down.

Rated Unrated/R: Full Nudity, Graphic Violence, and Graphic Language.

It's kind of watchable

[fluffchop · 7/10 · 26 July 2023]

Somethings didn't make much sense, the graveyard scene mainly. Then at the end she wants to kill her sister. What the hell right? Then she want's to kill the guy and the girl at the end. It's like it was strangely written. If you watch it till the end it has these credits with the names of the bimbos. They came from Playboy apparently. The acting was ok but the story made little sense. I think officially best actor went to the actual goat who seems to have had the best acting chops of anyone. The movie seemed to be half an hour too long. If you want to watch a bunch of bimbos poorly act out a poorly written movie then this is the movie for you. I don't think the movie has much of a point to it but it's kind of watchable.

all the bad reviews are true. but...

[bigtrouble8 · 7/10 · 29 May 2023]

Yes, the plot doesn't make sense. Yes, the actors are all mostly former playmates and other various model-adjacent pretty people. But i've seen worse acting from legit trained actors who are less pretty in other movies. So, on balance, they weren't terrible. "citadel"... THAT's terrible.

Also, while they spend too long lingering in some moments and story beats take longer than they should... the lighting and camera work are pretty good. It LOOKS like it had a much higher budget than it likely did. All the effects were practical and done with some talent.

And i think it's kind of funny that major plot reveals are done through simple title cards appended to character introductions. Better than the exposition-heavy dialogue of more earnest attempts. It doesn't take itself terribly seriously, and that's not the worst thing in the world.

It's a slasher flick. That's all it tries to be. Are there better ones? Yes. But there's also far worse ones.