- Davis Quinton: License and registration.
- Hank Yarbo: What'd I do?
- Davis Quinton: You didn't fix your broken tail-light. I told you like a thousand times.
- Hank Yarbo: Exaggeration! It was maybe ten times.
- Davis Quinton: Like ten million times. How are people going to know when you're stopped?
- Hank Yarbo: They hit the back of the truck; that's how I broke the light.
- Brent Leroy: Knock knock! I come bearing gifts.
- Emma Leroy: What's this?
- Brent Leroy: It's my old MP3 player. I got a new one, so I thought you could have this one.
- Emma Leroy: What's an empty tree player?
- Brent Leroy: M-P-3. It stands for music playing... 3.
- [to Brent, after seeing the perogies Davis made]
- Lacey Burrows: Wow, so how many of those are you going to eat?
- Davis Quinton: Oh, no, no, no, Brent's not allowed to enter the eating contest.
- Lacey Burrows: Why? Are you some kind of pro or something?
- Brent Leroy: No, I'm not a pro... the pros know who I am. No, no one will enter if I enter, so I entered you.
- Lacey Burrows: You entered me?
- Brent Leroy: We should probably change verbs before this gets weird.
- Brent Leroy: [to Lacey] Wow, you can eat. I had no idea you could unhinge your jaw like that. I think I saw you on the Discovery Channel.
- Davis Quinton: Hey, champ! So how'd you like those perogies? Pretty tasty, huh?
- Lacey Burrows: Honestly, I was eating so fast, I couldn't taste a thing.
- Davis Quinton: [disappointed] Oh, I see. I'm glad to know I wasted my Friday night cooking those up, when I could have been... I could have been... anyways, I wasted my time.
- Brent Leroy: It's already arranged! I phoned Fitzy's grandma, asked her to make four dozen perogies, bring them over here.
- Davis Quinton: Fitzy's grandma! Why didn't you ask me?
- Brent Leroy: You said you'd never do it again.
- Davis Quinton: I didn't say that.
- Lacey Burrows: You did. It was just a bit more whiny.
- [hearing Emma singing along to the MP3 player]
- Brent Leroy: Where'd you get this?
- Emma Leroy: Karen. She off-loaded some more down-with-it tunes.
- Brent Leroy: If by 'down-with-it' you mean filthy... you shouldn't be singing about things you don't understand.
- Emma Leroy: You put 'Skinamarinkydoo' on here. I have no idea what that means.
- Brent Leroy: What's not to get? That's right in the title.
- [trying to convince Lacey to go up against him in a food eating contest]
- Brent Leroy: Okay, how about this: you want to get the roof here fixed, right?
- Lacey Burrows: Yeah, but I can't afford it.
- Brent Leroy: I'll do it for you. I'll re-tar the whole place, I'll re-shingle the eaves troughs or whatever you do to a roof, no expense to you, if you can beat me in an eating contest.
- Lacey Burrows: Okay, I'll do it.
- Brent Leroy: Why not?
- Lacey Burrows: I just said I'll do it.
- Brent Leroy: Oh.
- Karen Pelly: [on the phone to Brent] Look, what is your problem? I am just trying to get Emma into a bit more contemporary music. I'm not doing her any harm.
- Emma Leroy: That's for shizzle.
- Karen Pelly: What did you just say?
- Emma Leroy: I'm just saying it's dope, dawg.
- Davis Quinton: [menacing] I see... making a fresh batch of perogies... right here in your lovely kitchen. Such a nice kitchen; it would be a shame if something should... happen to it.
- Fitzy's Grandma: Are you trying to intimidate me?
- Davis Quinton: [cheery] Kind of. Is it working?
- Fitzy's Grandma: Not really, no.
- Brent Leroy: Who would have thought that inside that skinny little frame lived the heart of a giant, glutinous porker?
- Lacey Burrows: I am not a porker! I just ate 40 perogies in under a minute.
- [pauses]
- Lacey Burrows: Oh my God, I am a porker!