- [Perry, in Candace's body, crashes in on Dr. Doofenshmirtz]
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: A teenage girl?
- [Perry dons his signature hat]
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: *Perry* the Teenage Girl?
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [as Perry, in Candace's body, tries to attack him] Ha! You don't have a tail anymore! Now you're no match for me! But wait a minute, I... I can't hit a girl.
- [Perry attacks him again]
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Did you have that purse when you came in?
- [Perry attacks him again]
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'm out of here.
- [Doofenshmirtz runs off, leaving a smoke cloud. When the cloud disappears, Doofenshmirtz is still there]
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: What just happened?
- Stacy: Listen up, twerps! Just because Candace is sick doesn't mean you can get away with anything! I am now her eyes, ears and mouth. Basically, I'm her whole face.
- [Dr. Doofenshmirtz is trying to write his own evil jingle but can't come up with a word to rhyme with "evil"]
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: As soon as I get this done, lunchtime will never again be fun. Oh, great, *there's* a rhyme! There's a rhyme, but sure, EVERYTHING rhymes with "fun"!
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: A teenage girl? PERRY the teenage girl! Whatever floats your boat, I don't judge.
- Cassette: "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" by Mark Twain, translated into evil. Chapter One. Tom Sawyer's dislike of Aunt Polly was rivaled only by his hatred of puppies.
- Major Francis Monogram: Karl, how many times have I told you? Lift the seat when you're done!
- Karl the Intern: Sorry.
- Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [having trapped Perry, in Candace's body, in a tiny cage] Sorry about the tight fit, but you know, if I had known you were going to disguise yourself as a teenage girl, I would have set a bigger trap.