- Frankie Boyle: [pointing to picture of Gordon Brown sitting at a machine gun and wearing a flak jacket] It's the only time I've seen him with a genuine smile!
- Frankie: [discussing Gordon Brown's stance on Iran] He said he would ruin their economy - probably by becoming their Chancellor!
- Russell: [If this is the answer, what is the question - Wine, Cheese and Rubbish] Name 3 vital ingredients for a mouse orgy!
- Frankie: [Scenes we'd like to see - Unlikely thing to read in a comic] To the Bat-Caravan!
- Hugh: [Scenes we'd like to see - Unlikely letters to an agony aunt] I've been saving up for a sex change. I don't care what my wife says - she's going to have one!
- Frankie Boyle: [during a discussion on drug cheats in athletics] Do you think I'd be here if I had Kangaroo legs? I'd be on Strictly Come Dancing!
- Dara O'Briain - Host: [on email] Hotmail is a bad one - you get to Hot and there's a whole world of pain right there!
- Andy Parsons: [on congested trains being safer because the congestion provides a cushioning effect] How can you justify something that's only good in a crash?
- Greg Davies: [If this is the answer, what is the question - Wine, Cheese and Rubbish] What are my ex-girlfriend's pet names for my genitals and penis?