- Penelope: Oh, Little J, just because we've been ignoring you doesn't mean we've forgotten. You can't hide out at Eleanor Waldorf's atelier anymore. Your day will come. We're just... picking our moment.
- [last lines]
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] But if Queen S would do this to D, are any of us safe? Bow down or bow out. XOXO, Gossip Girl.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I just hid there, how pathetic is that? No don't answer that.
- Blair Waldorf: Break ups are easy, it's having to see them date someone else that's hard. Why do you think I rub it in Chuck's face every chance I get?
- Serena van der Woodsen: A twisted version of foreplay?
- Blair Waldorf: Ignoring you.
- Blair Waldorf: The point is whoever dates first, wins, and with your ex being Dan Humphrey, you win by default.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like Humphrey defied our great expectations and Waldorf's rules of order. Daring to date before Serena? It's only a matter of time before it's off with his head - or hers.
- Blair Waldorf: Sure it won't be awkward?
- Lord Marcus: Awkward? How?
- Blair Waldorf: Juggling two women under one roof. You are sleeping with Catherine right? Or do you prefer mom?
- Lord Marcus: I can explain.
- Blair Waldorf: Hooking up with your dad's second wife? I thought my family was twisted, but you people take the cake.
- Lord Marcus: It's only happened a few times and I put a stop to it when I met you.
- Blair Waldorf: I really opened myself up to you.
- Lord Marcus: Look, can't, can't we still...
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, please, I just want to get through this without throwing up in my mouth.
- Dan Humphrey: Maybe we should stay away from each other for awhile.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, you're right. You and Amanda should probably go.
- Dan Humphrey: Are you ordering me to leave?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Consider it a suggestion. Why should I go, Dan? These are my friends here, and it's not exactly your kind of place.
- Blair Waldorf: What did I tell you? I told you to do nothing! What, was that too difficult?
- Vanessa Abrams: I thought I would leave doing nothing to you.
- Blair Waldorf: I was taking care of it!
- Vanessa Abrams: How? By having a romantic lunch with your boyfriend? You know what I think? I think you were so scared of anyone finding out who your boyfriend was screwing, that you were willing to screw Nate. Catherine's husband promised that the Captain would be safe, it's over.
- Blair Waldorf: You know what I think? I think I'd gotten Catherine to agree to pay off the Archibald debts and leave town in exchange for my silence. Nate was about to have his old life back until you went to the Duke. He put them on a plane to London an hour ago. So you're right, it is over for Nate, thanks to you.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Spotted: A beautiful blond phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Welcome back, Queen Serena. Consider us your humble servants, 'cause if looks could kill, we wouldn't wanna be Dan Humphrey.
- Dan Humphrey: I, uh, I heard your, uh, friend sneak out early this morning.
- Rufus Humphrey: [uncomfortably] Clare, is it?
- Dan Humphrey: Come on. High heels, concrete loft? Not the blueprint for a stealthy getaway.
- Dan Humphrey: [Jenny wears school uniform] Hey. You look great, sweetie. You excited for the big first day?
- Jenny Humphrey: Dad, how, uh, set are you on this whole going-to-school thing?
- Rufus Humphrey: Pretty set. Why?
- Jenny Humphrey: The first day of school is draft day. Blair and her merry band of psychos are gonna be on a tear.
- [Rufus glances at Dan]
- Jenny Humphrey: They categorize girls into two groups: projects and victims. Girls who have the potential to be Blair-ites become projects. And total losers and the girls who have the potential to threaten social order become victims. I was a project last year, and we all know how that turned out.
- [the menfolk just stare dumbly at her]
- Jenny Humphrey: What?
- Rufus Humphrey: Nothing.
- Dan Humphrey: Totally with you.
- [Jenny sighs and walks out]
- Rufus Humphrey: [to Dan] Did you understand any of That?
- Dan Humphrey: I'm so glad I'm not a girl.
- Chuck Bass: [re why Amanda's not coming] She met some new friends. They extended an invitation to lunch. Hockey sticks were involved. You know how persuasive our girls can be.
- Jenny Humphrey: You'd be the worst PI ever.
- Dan Humphrey: Yeah, I don't wanna be caught off guard. Surprised I haven't seen her.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah, especially since you're in the girls' hallway looking for her.
- [Dan chuckles sheepishly]
- Jenny Humphrey: Just be nice. I'm sure this isn't easy for Serena either.
- [Blair's posse comes walking down the hallway, ignoring Jenny]
- Jenny Humphrey: It... it was like I didn't even exist.
- Dan Humphrey: Mm. Welcome to my world. It's not so bad once you get used to birds flying into your head and automatic doors never opening.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah,
- [chuckles]
- Jenny Humphrey: I guess it's better to be ignored than tortured, right?