Desperate Housewives (TV Series)

A Spark. To Pierce the Dark. (2009)

Teri Hatcher: Susan Mayer

Quotes 

• Karl Mayer : You called me down here for this? It's a kid playing with a soccer ball.

  Susan Mayer : It's a head and he's stabbing someone with a sword.

  Karl Mayer : Well maybe it was in self defence!

  Principal Hobson : Mr Mayer, generally when kids exhibit this type of behaviour, there's a problem

  [phone rings] 

  Principal Hobson : excuse me.

  [looks at phone] 

  Principal Hobson : I have to take this, sorry.

  [walks out of the room talking on the phone] 

  Karl Mayer : Thanks for ratting out my kid on his first day!

  Susan Mayer : It's not my fault. I showed this to the school pyschologist, she gave it to the Principal. My hands are tied!

  Karl Mayer : So right away it's Evan's fault? Did you ever consider that he didn't understand the assignment?

  Susan Mayer : I told the class to draw what made them happy! All the other kids drew kittens and rainbows! Your son drew small intestines on the end of a stick!

  Karl Mayer : Let's cut to what this is really about. You hate me! And you don't want my son in your class!

  Susan Mayer : That is not true!

  Karl Mayer : It is to! You're still punishing me for what happened between us! you're still stuck in the past blaming me for your screwed up life!

  Susan Mayer : Ok well someone call Guineus because you just set the world record for the biggest load of crap in one sentence!

  Karl Mayer : Oh bite me!

  Principal Hobson : [walks back in the room]  How long was I gone?

  [stares from Karl to Susan] 

  Susan Mayer : Uh this is nothing Mr Hobson. We're just having a difference of opinion.

  Karl Mayer : Yeah. And my opinion is your teacher doesn't understand the difference between emotional problems and creativity!

  Susan Mayer : Shut up Karl!

  Principal Hobson : [to Susan]  Excuse me. Did you just tell him to 'shut up'?

  Karl Mayer : You know this is typical

  [gestures with hand] 

  Karl Mayer : "Susan" behaviour and you wonder why no man can stay with you!

  Susan Mayer : [throws paint in Karl's face as Principal Hobson looks on shocked] 

  [to Principal Hobson] 

  Susan Mayer : Would this seem any less shocking if I told you we were once married for twelve years?

• Susan Mayer : Karl. What are you doing here?

  Karl Mayer : Well I just enrolled Evan.

  Susan Mayer : Wow. and I was worried that we'd be out of each others lives forever... lucky lucky.

  Karl Mayer : What are you doing here?

  Susan Mayer : I am an art teacher.

  Karl Mayer : Really? Do they know that?

  Susan Mayer : And now I'm ignoring you and moving on to Evan. Hello Evan.

  Karl Mayer : Evan, this is Susan. She's your sister Julie's mother, we used to be married. She was a lot younger then.

  Susan Mayer : Evan, why don't you head into the classroom? I need to talk to your daddy and I may need to use some grown up words.

  Karl Mayer : Ok Susie Q, what's wrong? Get it off that chest you wouldn't let me enhance.

  Susan Mayer : Listen it's bad enough that I have one husband running around the halls. I don't need the faculty and the parents knowing that I have two. So not a word about us having been married. No more wise cracks. No Susie Q's. I am Miss Susan. Art teacher.

  [starts to walk off into the classroom] 

  Karl Mayer : Yes Miss Susan. Can I bang your erasers after class?

  Susan Mayer : [steps out of the classroom and glares at Karl]  Karl I'm serious don't mess with me. I have a yard stick and I'm not afraid to use it.