Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

I'd Like to Start with the Cat (2009)

Jane Lynch: Dr. Linda Freeman

Quotes 

• Dr. Linda Freeman : Anything bothering you lately?

  Charlie Harper : Well, there is this one thing, but I don't know if it's medical or psychological.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Tell me.

  Charlie Harper : Lately, I've passed up a couple of opportunities to get some strange.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : "Strange"?

  Charlie Harper : Oh. Women with whom I have not previously been acquainted.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Oh, right. "Strange". Charming.

• Dr. Linda Freeman : [talking about Chelsea]  Why did she dump you?

  Charlie Harper : Who can understand a woman's mind?

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Yeah, we're pretty little puzzles, ain't we?

  Charlie Harper : So, it's not just me.

• Dr. Linda Freeman : [about Chelsea dumping him]  So, how did you feel about losing her?

  Charlie Harper : What do you mean?

  Dr. Linda Freeman : What do I mean? Come on, Charlie. Dr. Seuss could diagnose this. You're stuffing yourself with crap to suppress your negative feelings.

  Charlie Harper : No, I'm pretty sure that's why I drink.

• Charlie Harper : [in a couples counseling sessions]  Chelsea, look. I know I'm not perfect.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : [chuckles] 

  Charlie Harper : Hey! Hey! Hey!

  Dr. Linda Freeman : I'm sorry. That was probably unprofessional.

• Dr. Linda Freeman : So, what else is going on with your life?

  Charlie Harper : Not much. I've been gaining a little weight for some reason. Maybe 'cause I haven't been sleeping well.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : [looks at him, as he keeps stuffing himself with another pudding cup]  Yeah, that's probably it.

  Charlie Harper : Oh, and this one girl I've been seeing pretty regularly decided to dump me.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Huh.

  Charlie Harper : "Huh", what?

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Oh, nothing. It's just... Sometimes I feel like I'm stealing your money.

• [During couple's therapy, Charlie keeps putting his foot in his mouth] 

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Charlie, can I give you my opinion as your therapist?

  Charlie Harper : Sure.

  Dr. Linda Freeman : Shut up!