The Middleman (TV Series)

The Pilot Episode Sanction (2008)

Matt Keeslar: The Middleman

Quotes 

• [Wendy and the hideous monster stand before the heavily-armed Middleman] 

  The Middleman : Excuse me, Ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to step aside.

  [beat] 

  The Middleman : The human.

  [sighs] 

  The Middleman : The one on my left.

• [creature runs around noisily while being tased] 

  The Middleman : Heck of a mess, huh.

  Wendy Watson : Excuse me?

  [Creature explodes - all is quiet] 

  The Middleman : I said, heck of a mess. Huh.

  Wendy Watson : Whatever. I'm a temp.

  [sirens approach] 

  The Middleman : Hey, now! The heat's on its way. Okay, cowgirl, here's your marching orders. Anyone asks, this was a gas main explosion. I was never here, this conversation never took place.

  Wendy Watson : Marching orders? What about that hentai tentacle monster?

  The Middleman : [shrugs]  Tell the truth if you want, but if you do, I'm going to have to root you like a hog and kill you.

  [beat] 

  The Middleman : Sorry. So, what's it going to be: Keep the secret, or death?

  Wendy Watson : What do you think?

  The Middleman : Ma'am, specificity is the soul of all good communication.

  Wendy Watson : [beat]  Yes. Duh.

  [his wristwatch Voice Stress Analyzer reads 99%] 

  The Middleman : Outstanding. You're good under pressure.

  Wendy Watson : Are you hitting on me?

  The Middleman : Just making an observation.

  Wendy Watson : [not quite under her breath]  Hellooo, nutjob, party of one.

  The Middleman : No, Ma'am. I'm just The Middleman.

• The Middleman : I tell ya. Some chucklehead's always tryin' to take over the world.

• The Middleman : Self-knowledge is the gateway to freedom.

• The Middleman : No more monologuing, or I'll Swiss-cheese you on principle.