- Sam Puckett: Hey! What if we kidnap Howard and keep him tied up 'til after the show?
- Carly Shay: [exasperated] Okay, what have I told you about kidnapping?
- Sam Puckett: It's illegal and rude...
- Carly Shay: Good girl.
- Mr. Howard: You think that just because you're on a popular webshow that you deserves some kind of special treatment?
- Sam Puckett: Uh, yeah.
- Carly Shay: [during her webcast] Okay, we were talking about the things kids do that get 'em detention.
- Sam Puckett: Why look. It's a gold member of the detention club right here.
- Carly Shay: It's 9th Grader, Ripoff Rodney.
- Ripoff Rodney: Please, call me "Ripoff."
- Sam Puckett: Okay! So you got anything else to say to the iCarly fans of the world?
- Ripoff Rodney: Yeah. I've got a special this week on burritos.
- [opens up his jacket to reveal a bunch of burritos]
- Ripoff Rodney: Two for six bucks.
- Carly Shay: And do they contain quality meat?
- Ripoff Rodney: No they do not.
- [kids start crowding around Ripoff Rodney]
- [Carly unscrews the teacher's chair]
- Teacher: [walking into the room] Alright kids, the sooner we start, the sooner we finish, so everybody, let's take a seat.
- [sits down, the chair breaks, and she falls to the floor]
- Teacher: What happened to my chair?
- Carly Shay: [standing up] I did it... with whatever this is.
- [holds up a ratchet]
- Carly Shay: Do I get detention?
- Teacher: [joyfully] Absolutely not. An on-the-job accident means the school has to give me a two month paid vacation while I recover! Bye!
- [takes her bag and leaves]
- Claire: Carly, what's the signal for "Mr. Howard's coming?"
- Carly Shay: Uh... Dippity-doo.
- Claire: DIPPITY-DOO!
- [in Detention]
- Mr. Howard: Now, you are all here because you are the worst this school has to offer! I am here because I believe in punishment and discipline. And I hate you all! Alright, I'll be down the hall in the teachers' lounge, watching the Geometry Channel. While I am gone, there is to be no talking! I hope you have a terrible time!
- Carly Shay: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
- Freddie Benson: I gotta give you credit, Sam. You make it look easy.
- Sam Puckett: Years of practice.
- Sam Puckett: Hey, thanks for that fire alarm. You saved me from giving an oral report on "Scarlet's Web."
- Carly Shay: You were too lazy to read the book?
- Sam Puckett: I was too lazy to see the movie.
- [during Carly's webcast]
- Carly Shay: I'm Carly!
- Sam Puckett: And I'm Sam!
- Carly Shay: And maybe you've noticed...
- Sam Puckett: ...this isn't our usual iCarly studio.
- Carly Shay: And if you *haven't* noticed...
- Sam Puckett: Scrape that crud outta your eyes!