- Heidi Klum: Is he alright?
- Ted Mosby: He has the yips. Hasn't been able to score with a woman for days.
- Heidi Klum: Oh, the yips. In Germany, we call that "Ach du meine Güte, nichts klappt mehr, überhaupt gar nichts mehr, so 'ne Scheiße!" That is bad.
- Robin Scherbatsky: That made me want to join a gym so that I can get super-strong and punch you really hard in the face.
- Ted Mosby: You know what? Let's all do it.
- Lily Aldrin Eriksen: Yeah, let's all punch Barney in the face.
- Ted Mosby: You go to a gym, don't you?
- Barney Stinson: I go to World Fitness, but I don't go to work out.
- Ted Mosby: You don't?
- Barney Stinson: No, I go to invest.
- Barney Stinson: [at the gym] There's one of my investments. Hey, Sheila! Looking good!
- Ted Mosby: You invest in women?
- Barney Stinson: I invest in women who - How can I put this delicately? - They fat! I give them the attention they don't get now, and when they get hot, who do they come to? The guy who gave them attention back when they weren't.
- Ted Mosby: I don't know if I should be disgusted or impressed.
- James Stinson: Of course it's scary. It's gross. The thought of doing that with a woman? But, it's part of being a guy. Try thinking about baseball. Somehow, I imagine those players on the field, and it's over a lot faster.
- Barney Stinson: That was the day I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode out into the world Armani-clad and fully awesome.
- Rhonda: You know that paper boy? I let him put one in the hedges, if you know what I mean.
- Rhonda: Did you see that new pool boy? I let him snake my drain, if you know what I mean.
- Rhonda: You know that Chinese food delivery man? I had sex with him. I haven't thought of a funny way of saying it, it was just twenty minutes ago.
- Ted Mosby: Robin and I had a moment at the gym today.
- [earlier at the gym, Ted walks in on Robin grunting loudly as she bench presses]
- Ted Mosby: You know how some exes can't be friends because of all that lingering sexual tension?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah?
- Ted Mosby: Gone. Thank you.
- Robin Scherbatsky: I love it here. It's just normal women who wanna get in shape. I don't have to put on makeup, do my hair, wear some trendy outfit.
- Ted Mosby: Yeah, this place is great. We're meeting our friend Robin here. I hope you don't hate her. She's pretty hot.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Shut up. Lily, tell him to shut up.
- Lily Aldrin Eriksen: I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard. Do we know each other?
- Barney Stinson: Ted, Lily, you'll never believe what just happened.
- Barney Stinson: [to Robin] Oh hey dude, I'm Barney
- Marshall Eriksen: [Marshall complaining how his gym coach pushes him hard] Trish made me do 70 push-ups, but she only give me credit for 10. Then she had me do 100 sit-ups and *then* she made me cry using only her words.
- Trish: So, ready to make a commitment to your body?
- Marshall Eriksen: I am all about commiting myself to my body. I want to drive out to Vermont and perform a commitment ceremony with my body. That was a weird thing to say.
- Barney Stinson: But you said I rocked your world. All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking.
- Barney Stinson: [At the Victoria's Secret after-party] Remember, this is not a regular season game. This is the World Series. So remember, we work together as a team, and if anyone sees Heidi Klum, dibs.