Memorable quotes for
The Ugly Truth (2009) More at IMDbPro »

Colin: You look great!
Abby Richter: Oh, just doing the dishes.

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Mike Chadway: [From red band clip] You're all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby Richter: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike Chadway: Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it.

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Abby Richter: My cat stepped on the remote.
Mike Chadway: Well, be sure to thank your pussy for me.

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Mike Chadway: It's not for you, it's for your bean.

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Mike Chadway: OK, we've gotta teach you flirting.
Abby Richter: I know how to flirt.
Mike Chadway: Oh, OK. "My name's Abby and I enjoy reading Tolstoy, taking long walks and romantic picnics." I don't think so.
Abby Richter: [grabs Mike's ass, imitating his voice] Hey baby, wearing any underwear?
Mike Chadway: Hey, I would never say that and I wouldn't grab ass.
Abby Richter: [still imitating him] What's wrong with a little ass grabbing, I mean what's it there for if not for me to grab it?
[she squeezes Mike's ass tightly which makes him wince in pain]
Mike Chadway: You are a deeply disturbed person.
Abby Richter: [normal voice] Maybe I'm just a really good student.
[Runs her hand down his chest and upper body]
Mike Chadway: Will you stop doing that?
Abby Richter: Doing what?
[still running her finger up and down his body]
Mike Chadway: Running your finger down... there... over me.
Abby Richter: Why, is it turning you on?
Mike Chadway: [forces a laugh as if to say "yeah right"] Maybe.
Abby Richter: [seductively] You know, I think I kinda like it.
Mike Chadway: Really?
Abby Richter: [leaning in, her face almost touching his] Sucker.
Mike Chadway: [annoyed] I knew it. That's it, no teaching the teacher.

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Mike Chadway: [to Abby, on how to attract Colin] You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.

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Abby Richter: [Abby has just closed the door on Colin after Mike told her to keep the conversation under a minute] What now?
Mike: OK, that's good. Now, just let him suffer.
Abby Richter: OK
[gestures towards the door]
Abby Richter: . Suffer! Suffer!

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Abby Richter: [gushing about Colin] He's such a great guy.
Mike Chadway: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, he's dreamy.
Abby Richter: And he ticks numbers 1 to 10 on my list.
Mike Chadway: Although, weren't points 1 to 9 pretty much about him being gay?

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Colin: [Abby is on a date with Colin. Mike is relaying instructions to her via an earpiece] I'm used to women I can figure out in, like, five seconds. I can't do that with you.
Mike Chadway: [to Abby via earpiece] He's an idiot. I had you figured in two. Now say good night and stick your tits out.

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Abby Richter: I am not desperate!
[pause]
Abby Richter: Why, did you think I sounded desperate?
Mike: Listen to you. Desperately asking me if you sounded desperate?

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Abby Richter: I love how you think every man is as perverse as you are.
Mike Chadway: Oh, I don't think. I know.

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Mike Chadway: [about Colin] I'm going to make this guy your bitch.
Abby Richter: I don't want a bitch.

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Mike Chadway: Rule #4: Never talk about your problems 'cause men don't really listen or care.
Abby Richter: Some men care!
Mike Chadway: No, some men pretend to care. When we ask "how you're doing" it's just guy code for "let me stick my dick in your ass".
Abby Richter: OOH!
Mike Chadway: I know you think Colin is above it but trust me he's a guy. He's even remotely into you he's probably thought about each of your orifices at least ten times.
Abby Richter: I love how you assume all men are perverse as you are!
Mike Chadway: Oh, I don't assume. I know.

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Abby Richter: I'm sorry, but Jack Magnun will no longer be able to do 'The Ugly Truth', which should really come as no surprise because men are completely unreliable. Take Mike Chadway, for instance. He up and quit the show, without so much as a word. You think you know what men are going to do. You think you know what men want to do, but when it comes right down to that moment where they need to step up and, I don't know, make a move - they chicken out.
Mike: Oh! I am all over this.
Abby Richter: The big strong brave men, that we've all been reading about in novels and watching in movies since we've been nine years old, - -that's a fallacy. They don't exist. Men are not strong. Men are not brave. Men, are afraid. Even if they have a moment in a hotel elevator and it's totally romantic and full of potential, men are incapable of copping to it because, why? Men are weak.
Mike: Let me tell you something about women. Women would have us believe that they are the victims; That we break their hearts for sport. That's crap. They say they want romance, they say they want true love, but all they want is a check list. Is he perfect? Is he handsome? Is he a doctor? For you men who fit the criteria, don't kid yourselves. Cuz if they're not sleeping with you, they're sleeping with a carefully calculated set of venal choices. Money over substance, looks over soul, polished over principles. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic will ever compensate for a really impressive list of credentials.

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Abby Richter: [mockingly] I'm Mike Chadway. I like girls in Jello. I like to fuck like a monkey. Don't fall in love. It's scary.
Mike Chadway: Yeah, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you.
Abby Richter: I am not a psycho!
Mike Chadway: I just told you that I love you and all you heard was "psycho." You're the definition of neurotic.
Abby Richter: No! The definition of neurotic is a person who suffers from anxiety, obessive thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical ailments without any objective reason...
Mike Chadway: Shut up! Yet again I told you that I'm in love with you and you're standing there giving me a vocabulary lesson.
Abby Richter: You're in love with me. Why?
Mike Chadway: Beats the shit out of me, but I am.

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