- Ned: I could have been swarmed in my underwear.
- Emerson Cod: You just don't get to put those images in my mind. That's an assault on my imagination.
- Woolsey Nicholls: Oh, no no. See, Betty- Betty's the old face, huh? Old being the operative word.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: She's 37!
- Woolsey Nicholls: She's 38, which rounds up to 40, which rounds up to 50, which rounds up to oooold.
- Olive Snook: I spent so much time praying, I've run out of things to say. I'm having awkward silences with God!
- Ned: What's gotten into you?
- Olive Snook: I'm a sawed off shotgun full of secrets!
- Vivian Charles: Did she just say she was armed?
- Vivian Charles: It was her father's. I'm sure it's teeming with fungus and microscopic bugs that feed on flakes of human skin, but she was fond of it.
- Lily Charles: You know things about me nobody knows. This place knows things about me nobody knows.
- Olive Snook: Like that you holidayed here thirty years ago and found a baby in a cabbage patch? And by "cabbage patch" I mean your lady parts.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Why, are you stalking me?
- Ned: That depends. Now that we are living our new Parisian lifestyle, does that mean I can't be close when danger's afoot?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I feel safer now that you're here.
- Ned: Then this isn't stalking.
- [speaking louder directly into Chuck's bee-mic, addressing Emerson]
- Ned: It's just good old-fashioned chivalry!