On the Count of Three (2021)

Jerrod Carmichael: Val

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Quotes 

• Val : You can't listen to music that exactly describes the emotional thing you're going through. You know how cheesy that is? I don't listen to Alanis Morissette when I'm going through a breakup, and I'm not listening to Papa fucking Roach on the day I'm gonna kill myself.

• Val : I have those thoughts. I think about it all the time and it brings me comfort. It brings me relief. Not waking up tomorrow is the most beautiful thought I've had in a long time.

• Val : Homicide's a real fucked up gift.

• Kevin : I think I need... Val, I need one more day. Alright? Just one last day.

  Val : You just tried to kill yourself three days ago, you had three last days!

  Kevin : Dude, I was cooped up in an institution all weekend, alright? I was just playing checkers with a schizophrenic about 40 minutes ago.

• Val : But then...

  Kevin : Oh!

  Val : When I got to her place...

  Kevin : Right. She's fucking another dude?

  Val : Nigga, it's not fucking Family Feud. Stop guessing.

• Kevin : You've been in like a little bit of a slump lately, but suicide is not the answer to that. I promise you.

  Val : You just tried to kill yourself three days ago, don't tell me suicide is not the answer.

• Val : Kevin, thanks for hitting my dad over the head with a tire iron earlier.

• Val : I'm sorry I didn't know I had to send a "save the date" for a fucking double suicide.

• Val : Hey, nigga, you even got a plan, or we supposed to just go in and start shooting?

  Kevin : I don't know. It's not like I've done this before. Just got to vibe it out.

  Val : Vibe it out? It's a fucking murder, dude. It's not a fucking weekend at Coachella.