- Roberto: Come on, Fifi. I think a bald spot makes you look more sophisticated. Singe is the new pompadour.
- Fifi: I have had it! No more! The wild animals have pushed me too far! The next Wild I see crawl out of that forest, if they don't have their papers, they are getting a full-Fifi-smackdown! This... Is... War!
- Mr. Weenie: [after realizing Boog has tricked him] I can't believe I fell for that! I must never be weak again! You don't know what it was like living with the humans! If they say sit, you sit. If they say fetch, you fetch! You must stay alert, or they will steal our freedom and lock us up forever and ever!
- Elliot: Weenie. When did you get here?
- Mr. Weenie: Don't you see. Boog, McSquizzy, Giselle. They'll all be torn to pieces.
- Elliot: Torn to "pizzas"?
- Mr. Weenie: Pieces, you strudelkopf.
- Gas Station Attendant: May I suggest you trying our famous pecan roll? I make them myself. They're inside. For a buck. Two for two dollars.
- Giselle: [being held hostage by Fifi] Help! Help! Help! Help! Somebody, help us!
- Fifi: Scream all you want. The humans can't hear you from here. And the house pets, well, they hate wilds just as much as I do!
- McSquizzy: When I get free, you're gonna pay for this, you big tube, you numpty, you big lassie's blouse.
- Rufus: Watch your language, varmint. There's a lady present.
- Charlene: What a vile little creature.
- Fifi: My friends, it is time to tame these savage beasts.
- Elliot: If this is the end, I need to say something. Giselle, I really, really, really...
- Roger: Really?
- Fifi: Time's up!
- Charlene: Now you hold your little old horses, Fifi. I do believe this boy's got something on his mind.
- Rufus: Yeah, give the guy a sporting chance.
- Giselle: Oh, just forget it, Elliot. You've already made it clear how you feel.
- Fifi: I feel this has gone long enough.
- Elliot: Please let me finish!
- Fifi: Fine. You've got 60 seconds.
- Elliot: Are you serious? How about a minute?
- Roberto: Hey, you better hurry up.
- Elliot: Okay, okay. Giselle, before the wedding, my rack was huge.
- Giselle: What?
- Buddy: It's true.
- Elliot: Very huge. And it broke very bad. And without my huge rack, I felt like less of a buck. But as time went on...
- Fifi: Thirty seconds!
- Elliot: The point is, I'm a better buck with not a huge rack on my head... but with you, Giselle, on my head instead.
- McSquizzy: Oh, that's awful.
- Giselle: And how does this relate to our wedding and the fact that you left me stranded at the altar?
- Charlene: Left you at the altar?
- Rufus: You, sir, are a coward.
- Stanley: Hey, Fifi. Did you hear they found Mr. Weenie? Isn't that great?
- Roger: Really?
- Roberto: Are you sure?
- Charlene: I heard he lived with wild animals.
- Roberto: No. That's horrible.
- Stanley: He's lucky they didn't hurt him.
- Charlene: Or kill him.
- Fifi: Or worse. I was once in the vicious clutches of wild animals.
- Elliot: [to Fifi] No, no. You are missing the point.
- Fifi: Oh, come on!
- Elliot: [to Giselle] During our wedding, there was the incident with the other woman.
- Rufus: Another woman?
- [the others gasps]
- Roberto: I can't even handle one.
- Rico: Speak for yourself, amigo.
- Elliot: No. No. Not that kind of other woman. The kind that grabbed Mr. Weenie.
- Charlene: You're disgusting. You make me sick.
- Rufus: That is a pig.
- Stanley: [to Roger] This is getting good.
- Fifi: Fifteen seconds!
- Elliot: [grunts] Will you, please?
- [to Giselle]
- Elliot: Giselle, you are good. And me? Not always good. But with you, the me that is not good can be better. You make my not-good me almost not bad. And that's not almost good, it's almost great.
- [Fifi starts saying "Tick"]
- Elliot: So, Giselle, you and me, not badder, but greater. Understand?
- [the others says "What?"]
- Rufus: What is he talking about?
- Fifi: Tick, tick, tick!
- Elliot: Oh, forget it. Just push the button already!
- Fifi: Finally.
- McSquizzy: No!
- Giselle: Don't.
- Boog: [sliding down the water slide] Cannonball!
- [grabs Elliot, Giselle, McSquizzy and Buddy]
- Boog: Gotcha.
- Elliot: I love you, Boog.