Euphoria (TV Series)

Trouble Don't Last Always (2020)

Zendaya: Rue Bennett

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Quotes 

• Rue Bennett : Um... When I'm, uh, when I'm clean, you know, when I'm present, uh, like a part of this world, I don't just think about relapsing. It's, uh, it's darker than that. And, uh, you can say that sobriety is my, uh, greatest weapon, but... to tell you the truth, drugs are probably the only reason I haven't killed myself.

  Ali : Oh. Now we're talkin'. Now you're being real. Now you're being honest. Because this whole bullshit about being a functioning drug addict, about finding balance, that ain't true. That's a lie.

  Rue Bennett : It's not a lie.

  Ali : It's a lie, whether you know it or not, but more importantly, I don't give a fuck to hear it.

  Rue Bennett : [scoffs]  Yeah, whatever, man.

  Ali : Whatever, man?

  [Rue chuckles] 

  Ali : Whatever, man. Listen, young blood.

  [laughs] 

  Ali : I was shooting dope before your mama's egg dropped. I've lived a whole motherfuckin' life to get to this diner to sit across from your arrogant ass, so don't you ever whatever me. You're 17. You don't know shit. You think you're hard? I'm harder. You think you're tough? I'm tougher. You got clean and want to kill yourself? Same motherfuckin' story here. You want to know why? I'll tell you why. 'Cause you don't know how to live life. You don't have the tools. You're too busy running around, trying to bullshit everybody into thinking you're hard, and you don't give a fuck, when in reality, you give so much of a fuck, you can't even bear to be alive. So guess what? New rule. No more wasting my motherfuckin' time. You wanna use? Use. But the least you can do is be honest. Own that shit.

• Ali : Why'd you relapse?

  Rue Bennett : I don't know. Couldn't stop my mind from racing.

  Ali : Racing about what?

  Rue Bennett : Everything.

  Ali : Hey, hey. Get specific.

  Rue Bennett : [the shrugs her shoulders]  All the things I remember and all the things I wish I didn't.

  Ali : Okay. I get it. Why didn't you call me?

  Rue Bennett : [scoffs]  Just... honestly, I wasn't really trying not to relapse.

  [Ali laughs] 

  Rue Bennett : [Rue bites her lip and chuckles] 

  Ali : Yeah. Man. Okay. Where'd you get the drugs?

  Rue Bennett : I had some pills for emergency purposes.

  Ali : Fuck. So you never stood a chance.

  Rue Bennett : Nope.

  Ali : Do you wanna get clean?

  Rue Bennett : No.

  Ali : You sure?

  Rue Bennett : [whispers]  Yea.

  Ali : [exhales]  I get it. I get it.

  Rue Bennett : Is that fucked up?

  Ali : What? That you don't want to get clean? Yeah, yeah. Of course it's fucked up.

  Rue Bennett : Ah. I'm a piece of shit, huh?

  Ali : Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a piece of shit.

  [Rue exhales] 

  Ali : All right, but, uh, here's the silver lining. You're not a drug addict because you're a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit because you're a drug addict. You follow?

  Rue Bennett : Mm, I don't really...

  Ali : Okay, all right. What I'm saying is, you didn't come out of the womb an evil person. You, Rue, came out of the womb a beautiful baby girl, who unbeknownst to her, had a couple of wires crossed. So when you tried drugs for the first time, it, uh, set something off in your brain that's beyond your control. And it isn't a question of willpower. It's not about how strong you are. You've been fighting a losing game since the first day you got high. So you can destroy your life, you can f*ck your little sister's head up, you can abuse and torture and take for granted your mama, and sit here and look me in the eye, and say, as calm as can be, as cool as a cucumber, "Imma keep usin' drugs." Ha. That is the disease of addiction. It is a degenerative disease. It is incurable. It is deadly. And it's no different than cancer. And you got it. Why? Mm. Luck of the draw. But, hey, but the hardest part of having the disease of addiction, aside from having the disease, is that no one in the world sees it as a disease. They see you as selfish. They see you as weak. They see you as cruel. They see you as, uh, destructive. They think, why should I give a fuck about her if she doesn't give a fuck about herself or anybody else? Why does this girl deserve my time, my patience, my sympathy? Right? If she wants to kill herself, let her. All reasonable questions and responses. But luckily, you aren't the only person on planet Earth who has this disease. There happens to be people like me, who understand that you aren't all that bad.

  [Rue chuckles] 

  Ali : Probably underneath all this busted-ass, chaotic energy, you might even be a good kid. Who knows? And that is why we are eating pancakes on Christmas Eve. Despite the fact that you don't want to get clean.

• Rue Bennett : Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, like, finding an emotional balance, you know?

  Ali : You just said you found an amazing balance.

  Rue Bennett : I... I did. I have. I... I mean, but I'm not perfect, you know, so... I'm, I'm sane, though. Like, I'm sane. Saner. I'm making sane decisions.

  Ali : Rue. You're high.

  Rue Bennett : [chuckles]  I feel like you're not listening to what I'm saying.

  Ali : Rue, I don't think you're listening to what you're saying.

  Rue Bennett : I feel like that's physically impossible.

  Ali : To what? Talk some bullshit?

  Rue Bennett : [Rue scoffs]  Huh. You know, that's what, like... I... I don't understand about the world. 'Cause, like, there is tons of people who, you know, drink and do drugs, and sometimes their life is good. And sometimes, life's just bad, you know? It's fucking life. There's ups and downs to this shit, but, I mean, whether you believe me or not, I'm, like, I'm good.

  Ali : Yeah, yeah, you said that.

  Rue Bennett : Yeah, I mean, it's not like I'm doing a bunch of shit. I'm just smoking a little bit of weed, and taking some pills that were prescribed to me.

  Ali : My point is, it's not gonna last.

  Rue Bennett : Yeah, well, neither do my moods when I'm sober.

  Ali : Okay, well, you know, I'm not saying you're, um, a paragon of mental health. You've got your issues, and you're gonna be struggling with those issues for the rest of your life. That's a fact. The problem is, is that you look at sobriety as a weakness in the face of those issues, and what I'm saying is, sobriety is your greatest weapon.

• Ali : Uh, Rue, I'm not a guidance counselor. I'm just a crackhead who's trying to do a little good on this Earth before I die.

  [both laugh] 

  Rue Bennett : Uh, you're, you're a trip, man.

• Rue Bennett : Wait, but haven't you been, like, clean for 20 years? Nah, nah. I was clean for seven years. Wait, really? Yeah, well, I had 12 years before that, but you know, I got cocky. Started to walk around thinking I was invincible. So, now I got seven years. Oh, sh1t. Right. Wait, how do you... How do you relapse after 12 years? You forget how bad it is. Damn. How, how long did you relapse for? A... year and a half. Oh, f*ck. Yeah, f*ck. Yeah. Right. Oh, sh1t. Damn. I thought, I thought you were gonna say, like, a day or something. Nah, nah. Once you get back in that cycle, you know, using and abusing, it's inescapable. Especially if you've been clean for 12 years. That's when the disease starts talking. "Twelve years, Martin, and you ain't never getting that far again." Aah. Wait. Martin? Uh, yeah.

  [both laugh] 

  Rue Bennett : Who's Martin? Martin is me. What? My name. Your name is Martin? Well, it used to be. What? Before I converted. To what? To Islam. Ali, I'm super f*cking confused right now. What am I, your first Black friend? What'd you think, I was actually from the Middle East? I'm from south Philly. What...

  [laughs] 

  Rue Bennett : Yeah, but you, you just don't, you don't look like a Martin. You don't. I didn't think so, either. Do women ever convert to Islam? Very few.

• Rue Bennett : Look, Ali, I know you don't believe me, but I'm... I'm doing really good, actually.

  Ali : Is that so?

  Rue Bennett : Yeah... mmm, yeah, for sure. I mean it, you know, could suddenly shit flip and get super dark? Yeah, you know. I mean it could, but... I feel like I've found this, like, amazing balance, where I'm like happy and healthy, and I'm not, like... looking to anybody else for that happiness, you know? Fuckin' Jules. The way I was, like, putting way too much of my emotional well-being in her hands, you know, without ever, like, talking about it, or, or saying it. I... especially the way I was fuckin'... making plans for the rest of our life and shit. And I just... and I look back and I'm just like, why the fuck did I do that? It's fuckin' crazy. And weird.

  [scoffs] 

  Rue Bennett : Eh, I don't know. I guess I just, like, made her the point. But she's, like, not the point. I'm the point, you know?

  Ali : Hmmph. The point is your sobriety.

  Rue Bennett : Yeah. Of course. Yeah. And, and like, my, my general overall well-being.

  Ali : Which starts with your sobriety.