Gabriel Thomson: Michael Harper

Quotes 

• Alfie Butts : Sorry to interrupt you, Michael.

  Michael Harper : It's alright, Alfie. Let me just finish this. I'm ordering myself a girlfriend from Thailand. Want one?

  Alfie Butts : No, er... no, thank you. Before you know where you are, they've taken all your money, left you for your best friend, married him and claimed UK citizenship...

  Michael Harper : [Gives Alfie a look] 

  Alfie Butts : ...I'm told.

• Alfie Butts : I've already done a couple of warm-up gigs upstairs at The Dog & Duck.

  Michael Harper : How did they go?

  Alfie Butts : Pretty well, yes! All six customers seemed to enjoy it! At the end, I had two women fighting over me!

  Michael Harper : Hey! Not bad!

  Alfie Butts : No, I was crouched on the floor protecting my guitar. They were fighting *over* me.

• Alfie Butts : [after filming a music video]  That was my latest composition entitled 'Bangor For Fun'.

  Michael Harper : Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, Alfie! It's bad enough you called your album 'Butts Unplugged'! You can't have a song called 'Bangor For Fun'.

  Alfie Butts : Why not?

  Michael Harper : Think about it.

  Alfie Butts : [Thinks a while, but fails to get the innuendo]  Why not?