- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hi, Emerson! Isn't this exciting?
- [she gets out and he locks her out of the car]
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Hey!
- Emerson Cod: What's she doing here?
- Ned: Said she didn't climb out of her coffin for me to keep her in a box.
- Emerson Cod: She the boss of you?
- Ned: I'm the boss of me!
- Emerson Cod: Dead girl's gotta go.
- Ned: Dead girl's not going anywhere.
- Emerson Cod: You don't know nothin about her except she had soft lips when she was ten!
- Ned: That should be enough.
- Emerson Cod: Well, I don't like it.
- [he gets out and Chuck gets in, locking him out]
- Emerson Cod: Hey!
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What did you guys talk about?
- Ned: I'd really like to get out of this car soon.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?
- Ned: He barely knows you're here
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Do I really have to sit in back from now on?
- Ned: It's for your own safety.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You sound like my dad.
- Ned: If my hand brushes yours you'd be dead.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: He didn't say that.
- Ned: [locking the doors] So it's probably better if you stay in the car for these morgue visits. Someone might recognize you. You really can't come in
- [All three of them standing in the morgue office]
- Ned: Did I say "can" because I swallow my consonants sometimes "n't", "n't", "caN'T come in"
- Emerson Cod: [to Coroner] Got that hit and run?
- Ned: We're from the Government Safety Place?
- Coroner: Is that a question?
- Ned: Government Safety Place
- Coroner: Mmmm-hmmmmmm
- Ned: I hate secrets, too.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What? You love secrets. You want to marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies.
- Narrator: The Pie Maker considered what the sentence would be for breaking and entering with no prior convictions.
- Ned: [Emerson pulls out an ID card] Where'd you get that?
- Emerson Cod: Contacted the company that makes these doors under false pretenses. they gave me a sample ID badge, which I digitally altered using the magnetic code that matches the serial number of this machine. Is that cheating?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I dunno. Cause this?
- [pulls out an identical ID card]
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I gave the security guard a hug goodbye, my upper body distracted him, while these things I call "hands" took this off his belt.
- Narrator: At that moment, the Pie Maker felt a mixture of happiness and trepidation.
- Ned: Why is it always a mixture?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Emerson thinks I'm useless. Am I useless?
- Ned: No, you're not useless. "Useless" is an empty soap dispenser in the restroom standing around reminding people what you could be doing, but doing nothing at all.
- [while escaping from Mark Chase in the Dandy Lion SX]
- Emerson Cod: Can't this thing go any faster?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Some car of the future this is!
- Ned: I thought cars of the future were supposed to fly! What the hell happened to flying cars?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [Regarding Emerson] Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?
- Ned: He barely knows you're here.
- Narrator: In fact, Emerson Cod had finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.
- Narrator: As Olive considered how much she loved Digby for paying attention to her when the pie-maker would not, Digby considered how much he loved salt.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: We haven't seen each other in like 20 years, don't you want to know about me? I want to know everything about you.
- Ned: Look, we've all done things we're not proud of, we all have secrets.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What secrets?
- Emerson Cod: Skeletons in the closet.
- Ned: Exactly. How long have you been listening?
- Emerson Cod: There are *skeletons* in the *closet*.
- Olive Snook: This isn't Pies "R" Us, Pie City, or Thousands of Pies in One Place. This is a bells-on-the-door, pies-baking, mom-n-pop place. We chit chat here.
- [waits a moment for Emerson to say something]
- Olive Snook: Chit!
- Emerson Cod: [unenthusiastically] Chat?
- Olive Snook: You got it.
- Narrator: And Emerson Cod realized he would not be not knitting anytime soon, as the dead girl who was not dead appeared to be staying put... a fact the Pie Maker celebrated.
- Olive Snook: So what's the poop?
- Emerson Cod: "The poop"?
- Olive Snook: Poop. The scoop, the skinny, the haps, the dealio, the 411. PI lingo.
- Emerson Cod: Rhubarb.
- Olive Snook: What's that mean?
- Emerson Cod: PI secret code for "Get me a damn slice of rhubarb."
- Emerson Cod: [Ned has just re-animated Bernard] Ask the question.
- Ned: Mr. Slaybeck, do you...
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [Interrupts] Do you have any last requests? Some unfinished business with this life we can help you with?
- Emerson Cod: [to Ned] Don't let her do this.
- Bernard Slaybeck: Is this heaven?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Could be.
- Emerson Cod: No, it's not.
- Bernard Slaybeck: [Looks at Emerson] Is that God?
- Emerson Cod: No, it's not.
- Bernard Slaybeck: I'm confused because I'm a Buddhist.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Buddhism's fascinating, isn't it? Did it help you in your final moments?
- Emerson Cod: She wasting my minute.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: What's with this minute and when did it become your minute?
- Emerson Cod: It sure the hell ain't yours.
- Ned: Hey, it's everyone's minute, or uh, twenty-two seconds.
- Bernard Slaybeck: [Interrupts their discussion] Can you get a message to Earth? Can you tell Jeanine in Promotions that I loved her?
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Of course.
- Ned: Mr. Slaybeck, if you could remember anything about whoever was driving the hit-and-run vehicle that killed you, I think we could get you some justice.
- Bernard Slaybeck: What hit-and-run? I was killed by a crash test dummy.
- [Ned touches him and he falls back dead again]
- Narrator: One mile to the west, Emerson Cod was also not thrilled. During times of stress or anxiety, he liked to knit. Since the arrival of the dead girl who was not dead, he found the stockinette stitch relaxing.
- Emerson Cod: I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry god.
- Ned: Oh, we gave it our best shot. So a crash test dummy killed Bernard.
- Emerson Cod: Bernard was delusional.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Still a clue.
- Emerson Cod: It's a dead end. And not the kind of dead end you can undead and then re-dead again.
- [pointedly to Chuck]
- Emerson Cod: Like you're supposed to.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: It's my fault?
- Emerson Cod: When you get all Jabberwocky in my minute, it's hard to follow up on "The dummy did it". Gotta get some real leads now.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: Isn't that what a P.I.'s supposed to do? Investigate? Isn't that the fun part?
- Emerson Cod: The fun part's counting my money in the bubble bath