Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper

Quotes 

• Alfie Butts : Stiff neck, Janey?

  Janey Harper : Oh, yeah! It's killing me!

  Alfie Butts : You know, I am skilled in the fine art of massage. I could help. Back home in the farm, I used to give the pigs massages to put them at ease - right before the spike was driven into their head.

  Ben Harper : Have you ever massaged anything on two legs?

  Alfie Butts : Oh, sure. Chickens, mostly. Although, I did do a duck with a nasty hamstring problem once. Two sessions, he was as good as new!

• Susan Harper : Michael, Michael. It's just a driving test. You can take it again. It'll be OK.

  Michael Harper : I'm a failure. First time I've ever failed at anything. Don't know how to react.

  Ben Harper : Janey, tell Michael how to react.

  Janey Harper : What? Don't ask me! I passed my driving test the first time!

  Michael Harper : Oh, my God!

• Alfie Butts : Janey, you still seem to be in considerable pain. What exactly happened?

  Janey Harper : I was on the gym on the treadmill.

  Alfie Butts : Exercising without proper supervision is a minefield.

  Janey Harper : Actually, some fit bloke went past and I just jerked my head too quickly.

  Alfie Butts : That used to happen to the pigs when the butcher drove past!