My Family (TV Series)
Four Affairs and a Funeral (2007)
Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper
Quotes
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Janey Harper : Morning.
Ben Harper : Morning, all!
Janey Harper : Good morning.
Susan Harper : That's your opinion!
Alfie Butts : It's like a strange parallel dimension where Mrs Harper is actually the grumpy one!
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Roger Bailey : I'm too pretty to go to prison! I'll be passed around like a plate of chicken!
Ben Harper : Nobody's going to prison, Roger. The coroner said he had heart failure. He had a history of heart problems, apparently.
Roger Bailey : But we moved the body!
Ben Harper : Roger, no crime has been committed... yet!
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Ben Harper : What are you doing here?
Susan Harper : I'm here, Ben, because as you well know, I sent you something earlier! But now, I wish to God I hadn't!
Ben Harper : What? What did you send me?
Susan Harper : [Exposing her breasts] These! Remember these?
Ben Harper : Oh, yes!
Susan Harper : Good! Take a good look! You will never see them again!
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Susan Harper : Where are you off to?
Ben Harper : [Looking startled] Work!
Susan Harper : In your best suit?
Ben Harper : I... I've got a lunch.
Susan Harper : Oh, now I get the eyebrows and the voice...
Ben Harper : Can I just go to work, please?
Susan Harper : ...and the defensive body posture.
Ben Harper : Do you know how insulting this is? I'm going to the surgery now. And I suggest you spend the rest of the day trying to control your paranoia, Celia... Susan!
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Susan Harper : Hello, Ben! Do you want to tell me who this really is?
Ben Harper : This? Th-th-this... this is nobody!
Susan Harper : Oh no?
[Takes out some pink knickers]
Susan Harper : Then whose are these?
Stacey : Those are mine!
Susan Harper : And who is she?
Celia Phillips : She's his wife!
Stacey : No! I'm his mistress!
Susan Harper : I knew she wasn't your receptionist!
Celia Phillips : You said she was your wife!
Susan Harper : How dare you say she was your wife?
[Slaps Ben]
Ben Harper : No, Susan! She's not my wife or my mistress. She's his mistress!
[Points to picture of Henry]
Celia Phillips : And you knew about this?
[Slaps Ben]
Celia Phillips : When were you going to tell me?
Ben Harper : I was going to, but it... just didn't come up.
Stacey : What's this woman doing with my pants?
Susan Harper : I found them in his trousers.
Stacey : [Gasps] What have you been doing with my pants?
[Slaps Ben]
Ben Harper : I-I-I... was avoiding any embarrassment!
Celia Phillips : And to think that you were Henry's golf partner!
Ben Harper : I've never played golf with Henry in my life!
Celia Phillips : Liar!
[Slaps Ben]