- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: What did you have for dinner? It smells like the Black Hole of Calcutta in here!
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Funny you should mention dinner, as I seem to be the only one here with food...
- Eugene Gurkin: Is that caviar?
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Yes. And a mother-of-pearl spoon. Everybody can have some, except for Squatch.
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: Who cares, I don't want any of your damn caviar!
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: [after realizing Rockefeller needs to use the portapotty] Dear Lord, please let you not mean what I think you mean.
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: I can't do the perp-walk dressed like this! They're gonna throw me in Bellvue with the cuckoo birds!
- Esperanza Villalobos: Most men, they say, "Esperanza, I love you," and then they make a beeline straight for my vagina. But not you all. You treat me as an equal, with respect. I really appreciate that you don't want to have the sex with me.
- Eugene Gurkin: Okay, guys, I got a genius plan. We form a human pyramid with Louis on top, and when Louis get's on top -
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Chief?
- Eugene Gurkin: Yeah, Gary?
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Please, no more genius ideas.
- Eugene Gurkin: What're you talking about?
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Your genius ideas will get us all killed.
- Eugene Gurkin: Come on, Gary...
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: Chief! I love you like a brother, but you did get us into this, so maybe you better just sit down and let the rest of us figure a way out.
- Eugene Gurkin: What? Look, I hate to pull rank, Squatch, but I am still kinda the leader around here -
- Rockefeller Butts: Maybe you better just lead your mouth to shuttin', Eugene.
- Eugene Gurkin: What the hey's goin' on, is this some kinda mutiny?
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Esperanza, I would like to have sex with you.
- Eugene Gurkin: Didn't you not even listen to what she just said?
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Yes, yes, I heard, but why should what she said change what I say? Just because she doesn't want me to want to have sex with her doesn't mean I magically don't want to have sex with her. I really do, I'm sorry, I swear I really do.
- Esperanza Villalobos: It's okay, Gary. I appreciate your honesty.
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: Really? So does that mean that we could -
- Esperanza Villalobos: [quickly] No.
- Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam: But we only have two minutes and -
- Esperanza Villalobos: No.
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: Even though I give you guys a hard time... I'm gonna miss youse. You all mean a lot to me, and you're a very special group of people.
- [beat]
- Louis Plunk: [to the tune of Beethoven's 5th] Gay-gay-gay-gay...
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: Three minutes is plenty enough time for me to beat you to a pulp.
- Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri: [referring to the degree of Rockefeller's injury] Apollo 13 couldn't penetrate that buttock.