- Alan Harper: Jake can hear you two in bed.
- Judith Harper: Oh, God! Oh, God!
- Herb: He didn't hear that!
- Herb: She did teach me to play through the pain.
- Alan Harper: Yeah. Tape it up and get back in there!
- Charlie Harper: Oh, and let's not forget how I convinced you Mom's douchebag was your air supply.
- Alan Harper: Yeah. Yeah. My breath smelled like vinegar for two weeks.
- Charlie Harper: Ah, those were innocent times.
- Judith Harper: What did he say to you?
- Alan Harper: Well, basically, he's worried that when he grows up, he won't be smart enough to have sex.
- Judith Harper: Why would he think that?
- Alan Harper: Because he hears you giving Herb instructions, like he's a blind guy in a mine field!