- Judy Carne: There was a riot on Fire Island this summer. The police broke it up by using mace with just a hint of mint.
- Alan Sues: Someday we'll have a woman President. Does that mean the First Lady will be a man? What will they wear?
- Flip Wilson: Before I read The Love Machine, I thought it was a book about two teenagers in a parked car.
- Dan Rowan: Listen, Goldie, do you think the Tobacco Lobby is good for the people?
- Goldie Hawn: Yes, it gives them a place to smoke during intermission.