Homestarrunner.com: Everything Else, Volume 2 (2006 Video)
Missy Palmer: Marzipan
Quotes
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[Marzipan has started her own rock band and Strong Mad and The Cheat have joined. She calls her band "Cool Tapes", named after the words Homestar wrote on the wall. They perform the band's theme song, with her on lead guitar, Strong Mad on bass and The Cheat on drums]
Marzipan : One! Two! Three! Four!
[singing]
Marzipan : Cool tapes are cool, 'cause they're where it is at / Cool tapes are cool, and we like it like that / Cool tapes / Cool tapes / We like to get it down with the cool, cool tapes / We like to get down with...
[stops singing]
Marzipan : Um... um...
Homestar Runner : A bag of four grapes?
Marzipan : [resumes singing] A bag of four grapes!
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[singing to the tune of "O Christmas Tree." While The Cheat, Pom Pom, and the Poopsmith stand by, they don't do actual singing]
Homestar Runner , Strong Bad , Strong Mad , Coach Z , Bubs , Marzipan , The King of Town : Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween! Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween!
Marzipan : With bunnies running for their lives.
The King of Town : I wish this one was supersized.
Homestar Runner , Strong Bad , Strong Mad , Coach Z , Bubs , Marzipan , The King of Town : Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween! Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween!
Strong Sad : What are you guys talking about?
Strong Bad : Hey, who the crap let Strong Sad out?
Homestar Runner , Strong Bad , Strong Mad , Coach Z , Bubs , Marzipan , The King of Town : Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween! Decemberween, Decemberween, you're 55 days after Halloween!
Bubs : I got all kinds of crazy crap!
Homestar Runner : I bought Strong Bad a "Deep Impact"!
Homestar Runner , Strong Bad , Strong Mad , Coach Z , Bubs , Marzipan , The King of Town : Decemberween, Decemberween...
Homestar Runner : Coach Z's been drinking Listerine!
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Homestar Runner : Hey Strong Bad, I really like your costume. The Spanish Inquisition? That's great.
Strong Bad : Look, for the last time, I'm not The Spanish Inquisition, I'm not Cab Calloway, and I'm not Strong Bad wearing a yellow turtleneck! I'm Carmen freakin' Sandiego!
Marzipan : I like Cab Calloway.
Strong Bad : Okay, Poopsmith, that's the worst costume I ever saw. I mean, you're *Lazer Tag*? What, are you supposed to be dressed up as the product? Or is it more abstract than that, like you're supposed to be the concept of Lazer Tag? Come on man, you know you just found that old crap in a trunk in your basement.
The King of Town : Ease off, Strong Bad! He's not the one that dressed up as a *girl* two years in a row.
Strong Bad : Oh ho ho ho, you asked for it, King.
[Strong Mad punches The King of Town]
Marzipan : What's wrong with girls?
Bubs : Did any of you guys go to that house that was giving out change? I changed my costume and went back ten times. I made 35 dollars!
Strong Sad : Did you guys go to that house where they let you into this big room and there's all these people wearing black hoods and they ask you these questions about life and existence and if you answer them wrong you get eternal damnation, but if you answer them right you get a Twizzler?
Strong Bad : Um, no.
Homestar Runner : No.
Coach Z : Nope.
The King of Town : No.
Bubs : Nope.
The Cheat : [a The Cheat noise that means, "No."]
Strong Mad : No.
Marzipan : No.
Strong Sad : Oh, never mind.
Marzipan : I like your costume, Strong Sad, but you weren't invited this year.
Coach Z : Say, Pom Pom, check out this funky bass groove: a doo'rear, a doo'ri, a doo'rear, a doo'ri!
[He grooves around a little]
Homestar Runner : I really have to pee.
Strong Bad : Yeah, and the Poopsmith's not smelling any rosier, neither.
Homestar Runner : Oh, oh, I've got an idea! Let's totally freak 'em out. Let's repeat the stuff that we just said! Hey, Strong Bad, I really like your costume. The Spanish Inquisition? That's great...
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Marzipan : [on answering machine] Hi, this is Marzipan. Please leave me a message.
Strong Bad : [leaving a message] Oh, hey Marzipan. Have you seen The Cheat? Because we can't find him anywhere. Anyways, this is Strong Bad and...
[Strong Bad then stammers and clears his throat, talking like Homestar, only very poorly]
Strong Bad : I mean, this is Homestar... Runner. Oh, Marzipan, I killed Pom Pom! Yeah, we were playing badminton in his yard and I got mad and I killed him! Oh, no, I need your help burying his body.
[He starts laughing in a stifled way]
Strong Bad : Uh, bring some towels and some garbage bags. This is Homestar.
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[Strong Bad approaches Marzipan wearing oven mitts]
Strong Bad : Hey, Marzipan!
Marzipan : Oh, hi, Strong Bad. Are those my oven mitts?
Strong Bad : What? No! These are my training gloves... probably. Anyways, I heard Homestar's getting you the Yello Dello for your birthday.
Marzipan : Yello Dello?
Strong Bad : You wanna know what I got you?
Marzipan : My oven mitts?
Strong Bad : NOTHING!
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[Marzipan is reading a newspaper as Homestar walks in]
Homestar Runner : Hey, lady.
Marzipan : Homestar, did you know that crime is on the rise?
Homestar Runner : Yeah, no. Is it?
Marzipan : Yes, things are very serious right now. So what are you going to do to protect me?
Homestar Runner : Um, I could put a dash between "Homestar" and "Runner" from now on.
Marzipan : [excited] Really? You'd do that for me?
Homestar Runner : Ha, no. Of course not.
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[Marzipan comes to the House that Gave Sucky Treats dressed as Joey Ramone]
Marzipan : Hey, ho. Let's go. Hey, ho. Trick or treat.
[the player gives her a steak]
Marzipan : Is this some kind of joke? Cause it's not funny.
[while Marzipan is talking, Strong Bad can be seen hiding more steaks in her treat bag]
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Narrator, Spin 'n Say : The Marzipan says...
Marzipan : I'm the only girl!
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[Marzipan's pumpkin for the Carve-nival is still on its vine]
Strong Bad as Homestar Runner : Whatcha got there, Marzipan?
Marzipan : I didn't want to kill mine, so I left it on the vine.
Strong Bad as Homestar Runner : What for? So you could, like, use it in a witches' brew or something?
Marzipan : Um, I don't know what that means. Anyway, I wrote a song about it!
[sings to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell]
Marzipan : Oh, I left it on the vine. I left it on the line. I mean, I left it on...
Strong Bad as Homestar Runner : Not necessary! Last place! Ding!
Marzipan : Homestar, I'm breaking up with you.
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Marzipan : [serving Homestar a potion] Here, Homestar. Have some melonade.
Homestar Runner : Don't mind if I do!
[Homestar drinks the potion and turns into his tofu decoy]
Marzipan : Yay, Homestar! You're back to your old self again!
[Tofu Homestar's head falls into the cauldron, turning him back to normal]
Marzipan : [dissapointed] Yay, Homestar. You're back to your old self again.
Homestar Runner : [singing] That coustume makes your butt look big!
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[Marzipan's potion has turned Homestar into another Marzipan]
Marzipan : Hooray! I'm not the only girl!
Homestar Runner : [revealing a distorted voice and unnatractive teeth] I think we're gonna become fast friends!
[Marzipan runs away screaming. Homestar as Freaky Marzipan makes a goofy smile]
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[Marzipan is teaching Coach Z to say the word, "job"]
Marzipan : O. Job. O. Job.
Coach Z : JOERGHB!
Marzipan : Coach Z, you need to make your mouth into an O, like this...
[she makes her mouth round]
Marzipan : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Coach Z : You mean like this? OOORREEAARRRORRR.
Marzipan : That's better.
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[the Homestar characters decide to celebrate Halloween by taking turns telling a scary story holding a flashlight; everything they say is interpreted in a thought bubble]
Homestar Runner : [holding the flashlight] Once, there was this green goblin...
[a goblin appears in the thought bubble]
Homestar Runner : And he used to look around... and, um, I guess he did a dance...
[the goblin dances a little bit]
Homestar Runner : Oh, man, that was terrible.
[Homestar hands the flashlight to Bubs]
Bubs : And, the goblin, he had a Gremlin! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 positrak out back, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle!
[Bubs hands the flashlight to Pom Pom, who simply bubbles like always. Three girls with Pom Pom's head appear in the thought bubble. Then Pom Pom hands the flashlight to Marzipan]
Marzipan : One of the girls had a cute little kitten named Kitty-kitty. The other girl had a cute little puppy named Chris. And then the third girl was a Republican.
Strong Bad : Oh, brother! Gimme that!
[Strong Bad snatches the flashlight from Marzipan; a robot appears in the thought bubble and vaporizes everything in it with his laser, except the goblin]
Strong Bad : So then the robot came and he started vaporizing everything with his vapor-gun! And he was like, "You take this, and you'd better, you, and you take this, everybody's gonna die!" And then he said, "Oh, the Gremlin! I hate the Goblin Gremlin! Bah!"
[pause]
Strong Bad : I need to get some more punch.
[Strong Bad hands the flashlight to The King of Town]
The King of Town : And there was fried fish and heavenly ham and Salisbury sundaes and globs of meringue and strawberry frosted donuts and bowls full of jelly and Klondike pudding and scrumptious fillers... and... Doo! Doo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[the King hands the flashlight to Strong Sad]
Strong Sad : And so it turns out the robot had a human brain, which was stolen from a kindly old man, and the children of that old man came to the robot looking for their father, and they called out to him. And the robot's human brain remembered his children and his stolen life, and he was moved to tears. But the tears shorted out his circuits and fried his brain. And the robot toppled over and he crushed his children and the goblin, too. And none of them lived.
[Everyone cries and leaves, since it was a sad story]
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[Homestar has made Marzipan a veggieburger with olives for eyes. Marzipan has found the burger too cute to eat, so she has decided to keep it and name it Homestar Junior]
Marzipan : Hey, guys! Homestar Junior's talking now!
Strong Bad : Who?
Marzipan : He said, "Put that freakin' sandwich down!"
Homestar Runner : No, it was me!
Marzipan : I know it was, sweetie!
Homestar Runner : No, me! Homestar Runner!
Marzipan : You're Homestar Junior, remember?
Homestar Runner : Will you put that freakin' sandwich down!
Marzipan : There, he said it again! I'm so proud of you! Who's the best, Homestar Junior!
[Marzipan continues to admire Homestar Junior]
Homestar Runner : Somebody, can I get some help here? Strong Bad? Would you talk some sense into this woman? King, you wanna eat that sandwich? Somebody eat that sandwich.
