- [after the Drifter temporarily sold the McDowd residence]
- The Drifter: Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Your parents don't exist anymore. And they won't until you do enough good deeds to get turned back into a kid.
- Eddie McDowd: That's not fair, man.
- The Drifter: You have spent your life being a *mean* *lazy* *rude* *selfish* *obnoxious*
- Eddie McDowd: Okay, okay, I get it.
- The Drifter: I'm not done. *selfish*.
- Eddie McDowd: You already said "selfish".
- The Drifter: Okay I guess I am done. So that's why I've turned you into a dog.
- Eddie McDowd: But why a dog? Couldn't you make me something without fleas?
- The Drifter: A dog is man's best friend, Eddie. And that's what you need to become.