Eli Wallach: Narrator

Quotes 

• C.A.R.R. : Hop in, Santa. We're gonna get Stroker.

  Santa : What about the storm?

  C.A.R.R. : I can make it, Santa.

  Santa : But you don't have four wheel drive.

  C.A.R.R. : No, but I'll tell you what I do have: heart.

  Santa : Heart is good. Maybe if you had snow tires and heart, I'd feel safer.

  C.A.R.R. : Santa, get in the damn car.

  Narrator : It was true what he said. The little car had heart.

  [C.A.R.R. tries to start, but the snow makes it very difficult] 

  Narrator : He also had four bald tires and worn out brake pads, which, under the circumstances, mattered a great deal more than heart.

• Hoop : Stroker, didn't you learn anything about the spirit of Christmas? Now I want you to go grab your son, go buy the biggest goose in town.

  Stroker : Where the hell am I supposed to find a goose?

  Hoop : Good question.

  [Pan across a turkey farm] 

  Narrator : And that, my friends, is the story of how Stroker saved Christmas. Now, it took old Stroker a few years to get over losing the lottery, and then figure out this was a happy ending. But that's the funny thing about happy endings. They're not about getting richer.

  [We finally find out who the narrator is: a talking turkey] 

  Narrator : They're about growing older, and getting to share another year with the ones you love.

  [a man approaches and grabs the poor turkey around the neck] 

  Narrator : Wait! What the hell? No! No, I want to live! Dear God! Please, don't kill me!

  [He is dragged offscreen] 

  Narrator : Nooooo!

  [He is killed by the farmer, likely to end up Stroker and Hoop's Christmas dinner]