Timothy 'Speed' Levitch: Hoop

Quotes 

• Hoop : Stroker, didn't you learn anything about the spirit of Christmas? Now I want you to go grab your son, go buy the biggest goose in town.

  Stroker : Where the hell am I supposed to find a goose?

  Hoop : Good question.

  [Pan across a turkey farm] 

  Narrator : And that, my friends, is the story of how Stroker saved Christmas. Now, it took old Stroker a few years to get over losing the lottery, and then figure out this was a happy ending. But that's the funny thing about happy endings. They're not about getting richer.

  [We finally find out who the narrator is: a talking turkey] 

  Narrator : They're about growing older, and getting to share another year with the ones you love.

  [a man approaches and grabs the poor turkey around the neck] 

  Narrator : Wait! What the hell? No! No, I want to live! Dear God! Please, don't kill me!

  [He is dragged offscreen] 

  Narrator : Nooooo!

  [He is killed by the farmer, likely to end up Stroker and Hoop's Christmas dinner]