Tittybangbang (TV Series)

Episode #2.1 (2006)

Lucy Montgomery: Various Characters

Quotes 

• Various Characters : Bloody hell Paula, you look like you've been in a car crash!

  Various Roles : A multiple sex pilot with my new boyfriend as it happens Diane!

  Various Characters : He can't keep his hands off you then.

  Various Roles : He's a human amagil Diane. We've been going at it around the clock! We've only stopped for toilet breaks and Deal Or No Deal.

  Various Roles : Aww ain't it romantic! Hey, do you want a cushion, Paula, for your muff?

• Various Roles : [Coughs something up]  Holy Mary mother of the Jesus Christ Lord! A wooden egg!

  Various : Calm down Maxine, it's a necterine pip!

  Various Roles : Oh!

  [whispers] 

  Various Roles : Do you know, I have never eaten a necterine.

• Various Roles : Suddenly, I was swept off the ground by an unseen force and deposited in the back garden of Ancient Mary's house! I crept up to the window, AND THERE SAT ANCIENT MARY, SHITTING with all her might and concentration as if she might never shit again after this shite!

  Various Roles : Surely you mean knitting Magwash?

  Various Roles : Ay ay, she's right, uh, she was knitting, not shitting, as if she might never shit- uh knit again after this terrible shite.

  Various Roles : Night.

  Various Roles : Oh come on! I think the pub got the sense of what I was saying!

  Pub crowd : [Shrugging and muttering] 

  Various Roles : SILENCE!

  [Lightning flashes and crowd recoils] 

  Various Roles : Ancient Mary looked up at me, and then held aloft what it was she had shitted- uh knitted. It was a woollen sign, with two words embroidered at the centre of it! As I read the words, I knew immediately what it was we were TO EAT!

  [lightening flashes] 

  Various Roles : Tell us Magwash! What did the words spell?

  Various Roles : The words spelled... Kellogg's Frosties!