Red State (2011)

John Goodman: Joseph Keenan

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Quotes 

• Joseph Keenan : People just do the strangest things when they believe they're entitled. But they do even stranger things when they just plain believe.

• Joseph Keenan : [at the inquest, staring into space] 

  Agent Carol : And then what happened? Special Agent Keenan? Special Agent Keenan?

  Joseph Keenan : [breaks out of it] 

  Agent Carol : What happened?

  Joseph Keenan : I subdued the suspect... with a head butt.

  Agent Carol : [amused]  A head butt?

  Joseph Keenan : Yes sir. The suspect was standing... unnaturally close. And then the trumpet blast sounded three more times, and a fourth and a fifth. By then it was pretty clear that the Rapture wasn't going to happen, so we rounded up the remaining Five Pointers.

  Agent Carol : Hey, what was it? The trumpet blasts?

  Joseph Keenan : Pardon?

  Agent Carol : The trumpet blast, what was it really?

  Joseph Keenan : Oh, that. Well some new neighbors, these eco kids from the university with a compost collective - they've got an acre off of the ass end of the Five Point property, other side of the hill. Abin's been giving them a bunch of guff because of the smell of the compost.

  Agent Hammond : Was it bad?

  Joseph Keenan : [laughs]  Gets so you could taste it. But Abin's been harassing these kids, sending some of his bigger boys over to bitch at first, maybe break a window or two. Then I guess they went old school - lots of sugar in gas tanks, burning bags of dog shit.

  Agent Carol : The college kids?

  Joseph Keenan : No, that was Cooper and his church. The eco kids never so much as called the cops. They got creative instead. They thought it'd be funny to take a page out of Revelations and get Cooper and his family's hopes up with the trumpets. So they got this big-ass rusty old siren from a fire house that just got a new one. The fire chief said they could take the damn thing so long as they carted it off, it's as big as a Mini Cooper. So they trucked this thing down to their compost collective, they put it in a barn, they hook it up to an iPod of all things. And they played these single note trumpet blasts they pulled off the Internet.

  Agent Hammond : And they had no idea that you were even there?

  Joseph Keenan : [shrugs]  Just dumb luck...

• ASAC Brooks : How much do you think a cross like that costs?

  Joseph Keenan : Do you mean in dollars or common sense?

• Joseph Keenan : You said this was going to be a simple in-and-out, sir.

  [holds phone up to sound of machine gun fire, then speaks again] 

  Joseph Keenan : Simple just shit itself.

• Joseph Keenan : Who fired? *Who fired*, goddamn it?

  ASAC Brooks : Local Agent Three!

  Sherrif Wynan : [Keenan storms over to Wynan and grabs him by ear]  Ah! Goddamn it! What is-?

  Joseph Keenan : [sweeps Wynan's hat off]  Who the fuck are you?

  Sherrif Wynan : I'm...

  Joseph Keenan : Did he fire at us?

  Sherrif Wynan : No, he-he was armed...

  Joseph Keenan : Did he open fire on us?

  Sherrif Wynan : That son of a bitch had a machine gun!

  Joseph Keenan : They got *kids* in there, asshole!

  Sherrif Wynan : Sorry! I'm s...

  Joseph Keenan : Kids you just turned into hostages!

  Sherrif Wynan : I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

  Joseph Keenan : Asshole!

  Sherrif Wynan : You can't talk to me, you son of a bitch, I am a King's County elected official!

  Joseph Keenan : [wrests Wynan's rifle from him]  Sit your ass back in your vehicle!

  [tosses rifle to tactical agent] 

  Joseph Keenan : *Now!*

• Joseph Keenan : You're still gonna kill them...

  Agent Carol : The U.S. Government doesn't kill people, Agent Keenan, in or out of custody.

  Agent Hammond : [switches off camera]  Of course we're going to kill them, Joe. We're going to kill them with kindness.