My Family (TV Series)

The Art of Being Susan (2006)

Keiron Self: Roger Bailey

Quotes 

• Roger Bailey : Can I talk to you? You know, man to man? One Welsh love machine to another?

  Alfie Butts : There's another?

  Roger Bailey : I keep trying to ask Abi if she'll marry me, but I just can't seem to find the right words to do it!

  Alfie Butts : No, seriously! Who's the other Welsh love machine?

• Roger Bailey : All I'm saying, Abi, is there's a fixed scale of charges. You can't just charge people what you like.

  Abi Harper : But you're worth it, Roger!

  Roger Bailey : Thank you, Abi. But there's no such number as a gazillion.

• Abi Harper : You're such a talented dentist.

  Roger Bailey : Am I, Abi? Am I really?

  Abi Harper : If dentists were painters, Roger, you'd be Beethoven!

• Roger Bailey : Ah, that Abi! She's the best thing that's ever happened to me!

  Michael Harper : She's the only thing that's ever happened to you, Roger!

• Roger Bailey : I was thinking of trying to propose to her over a nice candlelit dinner.

  Michael Harper : Or you could smear her body with honey, take her out into the desert and wait for the ants to eat her alive!

  Roger Bailey : That doesn't sound very Abi-ish, but, er, let me give it some thought.

• Alfie Butts : Hey, have you thought of the perfect way to propose to Abi?

  Roger Bailey : Not yet. Have you got any ideas?

  Alfie Butts : Well, you could do what my uncle Dewi did. You see, erm, he was in a freak baling machine accident and he fell in love with his nurse. Now, when he was well enough, he proposed to her with 1,000 red roses, ten boxes of chocolates and he got the local male voice choir to sing her favourite song.

  Roger Bailey : Oh, that's so romantic! Did he go down on one knee?

  Alfie Butts : He only had one knee!

• Roger Bailey : [to a patient]  Do you know what? For the first time in my life, I've found peace in my heart! You know, when you find that special someone and everything just falls into place!

  Abi Harper : [Storms into Roger's office]  Here's Mr Dawson's file! Fill it in yourself, you toerag!

  Roger Bailey : Is everything alright, my sweet?

  Abi Harper : You can answer the phones yourself as well! I'm off! You snake! You viper at my breast!

  Roger Bailey : [to his patient]  I'm going to propose to her tonight!

• Roger Bailey : Abi... I just want to... I wish... I just th...

  Abi Harper : Shhh! I know what you're trying to say, Roger.

  Roger Bailey : You do?

  Abi Harper : And the answer's yes.

  Roger Bailey : Abi!

  Abi Harper : [pause]  I will be your full-time receptionist!

  Roger Bailey : Oh! Er... I was going to ask you to marry me!

  Abi Harper : [Faints] 

  Susan Harper : So what do we think? Was that a yes?