- [Homestar is advertising for Fluffy Puff Marshmallows]
- Homestar Runner: Before I drink a tall glass of melonade, I like to eat about 147 Fluffy Puff Marshmallows. Seriously, folks, they're the best.
- [Strong Bad is interviewing Homestar to figure out what his "freakin' problem is"]
- Strong Bad: I've heard you enjoy prancing around like an idiot. Is this true?
- [Homestar responds by prancing around and singing]
- Homestar Runner: [singing] La-dee-la-da-da-la-dee.
- Strong Bad: I suppose that answers my question.
- Cheerleader: It's our 10th issue-versary! Let's do a clip show!
- So and So: Let's have a wedding!
- The Ugly One: Let's have a baby!
- What's Her Face: Let's kill someone off!
- Strong Bad: [offscreen] Okay!
- [everyone in the teen girl squad dies at once]
- [the King of Peasantry is warning Rather Dashing against going after Trogdor, after he burninated his cottage]
- The King of Peasantry: We have coexisted with the Burninator in this land for centuries. I can't have you marching up there in your short pants upsetting the balance!
- Rather Dashing: I'll upset YOUR balance, milord!
- The King of Peasantry: Rather Dashing, you will not sass back at this council!
- Cheerleader: Okay, now let's start LOOKING GOOD!
- So and So: A'ight.
- The Ugly One: A'ight.
- What's Her Face: A'ight.
- [a robot zaps So and So]
- Cheerleader: Kristen, you look burnt, or DEAD.
- What's Her Face: I miss Kristin-a.
- [Strong Mad is heard trying to leave Marzipan a prank phone call on her answering machine]
- Strong Mad: Is your refrigerator running?
- Strong Bad: [in background] I already told you that one doesn't work on answering machines, man!
- Strong Mad: Is your refrigerator running?
- Strong Bad: [in background] They gotta be home to answer the phone! Stop trying to do the prank call, man!
- Strong Mad: Hello?
- Strong Bad: [in background] It doesn't work!
- Strong Mad: Hello?
- [He is heard banging the phone on the table until a dial tone is heard]
- Bubs: [talking to Coach Z about Marzipan over her answering machine] Hey, Coach! Tell her I said, "Hey!" No, no, just tell her I said, "Bananas!" Tell her I said, "A bluh-buncha bananas."
- Strong Sad: [when he sees Strong Bad kissing a piece of paper with The Ugly One on it] Uh, Strong Bad, were you just first-basin' it with that piece of loose leaf?
- Homestar Runner: Sweet mother of mystery! What's going on here?
- Strong Bad: Um... drinkin' drinks at the stick.
- Homestar Runner: But what about looking at a thing in some bags?
- Strong Bad: It escaped. Into the mountains.
- Homestar Runner: Aw, shucks. I never got to see it.
- Bubs: I thought you said you had!
- Homestar Runner: I lied. I was trying to be a cool guy.
- Bubs: Liar.
- [Homestar and Strong Bad are in a blue space]
- Strong Bad: What're we doin' here? It's like we're in Blue Fadey Land or something.
- Homestar Runner: Ummm... maybe this is heaven. We're dead!
- Strong Bad: No, it can't be heaven. There's not enough Twinkies.
- [Strong Bad is at a local comic book convention to criticize people's costumes]
- Strong Bad: Hey, loincloth, please to be putting on more clothes. Ugh... like five or six... more clothes...
- [cut]
- Strong Bad: Oh, what's up, ironic costume? I suppose you think you're cooler than everyone here! Well, guess what: YOU'RE ALSO HERE. At the comic book convention.
- [cut]
- Strong Bad: I never thought I'd see the day where a tattoo was a bad thing, but you madam, have shown me the light.
- [cut]
- Strong Bad: Just for fun, I think I'm gonna start throwing boxes of gamertags at dudes wearin' kilts.
- [cut]
- Strong Bad: The fact that your costume is accurate down to the tiniest detail does not change the fact that that TV show SUCKED.
- [cut]
- Strong Bad: Man, if I see another person in a diaper...
- [cut]
- Strong Bad: Oh, hello, Rotunda! Your physique certainly merits you wearing that leather bikini and fishnet hose.
- Homestar Runner: Oh, hello, Marzipan, this is... Sugar-face.
- [he then speaks in a lowered voice]
- Homestar Runner: Okay, now what?
- Strong Bad: Well, step three is to continue the prank in a direction determined by your identity, but, uh, you're on your own with Sugar-face.
- Homestar Runner: Okay.
- [he then speaks louder]
- Homestar Runner: I am a pretend guy that... comes around... and...
- [Homestar suddenly begins singing]
- Homestar Runner: ...gets run over by a lawnmower blade!
- Strong Bad: What?
- Homestar Runner: I chose to end in song!
- Strong Bad: Oh boy. Remember how I said this is a six-week course?
- Homestar Runner: Yeah, I'm excited!
- Strong Bad: Well, it turns out it's cancelled.
- Homestar Runner: Aw, man!
- Strong Bad: Yeah, it's a shame.
- Homestar Runner: Oh, well. It's still the second-best five hundred bucks I ever spent!
- Cheerleader: That stupid wheelchair kid asked me to the Friday night dance, but I'm going with Steven!
- [Eh! Steve runs up dressed as a quarterback]
- Cheerleader: Hey, Steven!
- Eh! Steve: Eh! Steve!
- The Wheelchair: I'll teach you to steal my date, Eh! Steve! I'm gonna come out of my shell at the Friday night dance and show everybody who's whoooo!
- The Arrow'd Guy: [transforms The Wheelchair into a more realistic wheelchair drawing] Good drawing'd!
- The Wheelchair: I'm a real boy!
- Strong Bad: It's over!
- [Homestar has just finished watching the first Fluffy Puff Marshmallows commercial where Marshie is the spokesman]
- Homestar Runner: I hate that freakin' marshmallow.
- Strong Sad: Strong Bad's right. I'm a waste of space.
- Strong Bad: [in background] I said you were a waste of FAT space!
- Strong Sad: I'm gonna go buy some ah-NEE-may!
- Strong Bad: It's called Japanimation! Or at least it was last time I checked... which was 1987.
- Homestar Runner: What is up, my dog?
- Strong Bad: Oh, I'm not your dog.
- Homestar Runner: Rondleman, you crack me up. Crack... me... UP! That's why you're my D-O-G-E.
- Strong Bad: Your doge? What are you talking about? I'm Strong Bad! Rondleman works in Regional Shipping Management Resources.
- Homestar Runner: [laughing] Good one, Rondleman. I mean, good one, my dog.
- Strong Sad: [on Marzipan's answering machine] Oh, hey, Marzipan, guess-who-this-is-it's Strong Sad. I was just calling 'cause I figured you wouldn't be home, and I'd never done that thing, you know, where you call somebody and you're leaving a message on their machine, and then, while you're leaving the message, they pick up the phone and it's like: "Oh, hey! Hi! I was just leaving you a message, and, how're you doing?" and so... see, I never had that happen to me, so I thought I'd just call you and talk... talk to your machine 'til you got home... so that's what I'm gonna do. Hello? Hellooooo? Marzipan? Hello?
- [Homestar enters the website, only to find an Internet Explorer "This page cannot be displayed" page]
- Homestar Runner: Um... Strong Bad? What's going on here? What happened to my website?
- Strong Bad: The system is down, yo.
- Homestar Runner: Oh, the system.
- Strong Bad: Yeah, I think too many people tried to log on. Uh... sorry about that.
- Homestar Runner: What are you sorry for? It's my website.
- Strong Bad: I don't think they're coming to see you, Homestar.
- Homestar Runner: What, you think everyone's logging on to watch "tape-leg"? Yeah, that's a good one.
- Strong Bad: Hey, shut up! The tape-leg is cool.
- Homestar Runner: Well, when do I get my website back?
- Strong Bad: Oh, any day now. We've got our top men working on it around the clock.
- Bubs: Well, I found the problem. Looks like somebody tried to cram-a-lam a Swiss Cake Roll into the disk drive.
- Homestar Runner: [glares at Strong Bad] Oh, really?
- Strong Bad: Uh, what are you looking at me for? I did...
- [Strong Bad speaks nervous gibberish and runs off. An error message reading "This is real: Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined." is taped to the screen]
- Homestar Runner: So, Bubs... what are you gonna do with that Swiss Cake Roll?
- [Strong Bad is at a third-quarter earnings meeting in an office. He stands before an audience to both his right and left sides]
- Strong Bad: Um, yes. Thank you, gentlemen. So, uh, how's everybody feeling out there?
- [after a pause, Strong Bad leans to his right]
- Strong Bad: Lemme get all my shareholders on this side of the table to say, "Hey!"
- [He then leans to his left]
- Strong Bad: And all my shareholders on this side of the table to say, "Ohhh!"
- [a shareholder clears his throat and Strong Bad holds up a Post-it note]
- Strong Bad: So, lemme tell you about this Post-it note. Listen tightly. This thing's going to save the company millions!
- Shareholder: [deep, rumbling voice] What about the earnings?
- Strong Bad: Ooh, yes. Earnings. Uh... can I have the country of origin, please?
- Shareholder: What?
- Strong Bad: Uh, can you use that in a sentence?
- Shareholder: Where are the earnings?
- Strong Bad: Yes, earnings. E-A-R-N...
- [He gets hit by a shoe and slumps over]
- Strong Bad: Ow!
- Shareholder: Is this the kind of man we hire these days? He's a total liability!
- Homestar Runner: [appearing beside shareholder] Yeah, liability. L-I-A-B-I...
- [Homestar, too, gets hit by a shoe and he, too, slumps over]
- [the Cheat has just shown Strong Bad and Homestar a music video version of his theme song]
- The Cheat: [questioning The Cheat noises]
- Strong Bad: Um, I don't know, The Cheat. I didn't think it was very good. At all. I mean, the song was kinda catchy, but the visuals were lacking, at best.
- Homestar Runner: This is the best video game I ever played!
- [Two programmers at Videlectrix are discussing the meaning of good graphics]
- Programmer 1: WHAT DID I SAY!
- Programmer 2: Good gr... To make good...
- Programmer 1: What did I tell you to do?
- Programmer 2: To make good graphics.
- Programmer 1: Good graphics!
- [He pounds his fist]
- Programmer 1: I come to work and I have to look at THIS mess!
- Programmer 2: I can make good graphics!
- Programmer 1: I... You better make good graphics! I'm supposed to release a video computer game on TV without this graphic!
- Programmer 2: What?
- Programmer 1: You heard me!
- [Even though What's Her Face had been crushed by a weight and The Ugly One by a sack of potatoes, they still learn that Cheerleader had been crushed and killed by a giant brain]
- What's Her Face: Cheerleader's gone.
- What's Her Face, The Ugly One: I'll be the NEW LEADER!
- [pause]
- What's Her Face, The Ugly One: Okay, fine. I'll be the follower!
- [Another pause]
- What's Her Face, The Ugly One: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- What's Her Face: We really are cool...
- The Ugly One: Shut up!
- The Ugly One: So who wants to come to my sweet someteen birthday bash tonight?
- What's Her Face: Is it going to be Nick-at-Nite themed again?
- So and So: I don't think I can stomach another show not on the WB.
- Cheerleader: No! We can't come. We have... the... Olympics... tonight!
- The Ugly One: Oh, 'cause it's a boy/girl party...
- So and So, Cheerleader: [in unison] A B'GRL PRTY?
- What's Her Face: Taking the vowels out of words doesn't ALWAYS make them cool.
- So and So: 'm srry.
- Strong Mad: A glowy box. A glowy box!
- Strong Bad: A glowy box? Are you sure that's what you'd get for your tattoo?
- Strong Mad: It's personal!
- The Cheat: [the Cheat noises]
- Strong Bad: I'd want mine to look like a prison tattoo that you carved out yourself with a spoon and some soap. There'd be a rocket launcher, of course, and above that it'd just say, "Bad Guy."
- [Homestar comes up to Strong Bad and his posse, who have been talking about tattoos]
- Homestar Runner: Hey, guys! H'whatcha teekenbot?
- Strong Bad: We're talking about something cool and interesting. You wouldn't understand.
- Homestar Runner: Oh, tattoos, huh? I'd get one on my forearm that said, "The For Real Deal," and has a picture of me dressed up like Uncle Sam.
- Strong Bad: You'd get one on your forearm, huh?
- Homestar Runner: Or one on my bulging bicep that just says "Cake Man." Ooh, or a glowy box on my wrist.
- Strong Bad: [to The Cheat] I just don't have the heart to tell him.
- Strong Mad: You don't have ar...
- [the lyrics for "Strong Bad is a Bad Guy"]
- Singers: Strong Bad is a bad guy, bad guy, bad guy / Strong Bad is a bad guy, bad guy, bad guy / Strong Bad is a bad, bad man / Strong Bad hates Marzipan / Strong Bad's got a master plan / To buy a custom conversion van / Strong Bad is a bad guy, bad guy, bad guy / Strong Bad is a bad guy, bad guy, bad guy / Marshie is a bad guy, bad guy, bad guy / Trogdor is a bad, bad guy!
- The Ugly One: I have a crush on every boy!
- [the Arrow'd Guy fires arrows from his mouth, impaling her]
- The Arrow'd Guy: ARROWED!
- The Ugly One: Ow! My skin!
- Homestar Runner: [on Marzipan's Answering Machine] So I just got this message you left for me on Pom Pom's cell phone telling me to go away and pick up sticks?
- [He sounds angry]
- Homestar Runner: Well, I say that is GARBAGE, sister! Having to put up with you is like... having to put up with GARBAGE! I don't know where you get off, but it's definitely not at the Homestar Station anymore. Looks like you're riding the 7:30 Alone train to Aloneville. Making stops at Ex-Girlfriend Junction and West BREAKIN' UP WITH YOU! Oh, and you can keep the collector's plates!
- Strong Bad: Give 'em the real scoop.
- Little Girl: [giggling] Scoop.
- Strong Bad: Yeah, the scoop.
- [Little Girl slurps, makes chomping noises, and puts her hand to her mouth as if eating something]
- Strong Bad: What was that? Did you just eat a scoop?
- Little Girl: Yeah, like ice cream.
- Strong Bad: [mockingly] Like ice cream!
- [an ad for Senor Cardgage Mort-gage is shown]
- Announcer: Are you having a problem buying a home or something? Fret no more.
- Senor Cardgage: Hi there, Belindas. I'm Senor Cardgage for Senor Cardgage Mort-gage. We can help you get a leg up on the pile! Low rates, percent signs... I dunno...
- Announcer: Bad credit?
- Senor Cardgage: No probalo! Home lawn, escrow, re-financin'... you name it, we've got it! Come along down for a free canceltation with one of our handsome talking experts. One o' them said they'd buy me lunch, but I don't see nobody taking me to Chick-fil-A.
- [Little Girl plays with the Kick the Cheat doll]
- Strong Bad: Be careful with him. That's my only The Cheat. That I have.
- [Little Girl throws The Cheat doll onto the ground. It makes frustrated-sounding squeals]
- Strong Bad: That doesn't count as being careful.
- Homestar Runner: [on Marzipan's Answering Machine] Okay, so after a second listening under the tutelage of Pom Pom's keen ears, it appears that you were asking me to go to Richway and pick up some Hefty bags, not to go away and pick up sticks. And now that I think about it, I don't really know what that would have meant even if you had said that. So the best thing to do is to go back and not listen to that message, and then we've got nothing to worry about. Oh, wait, in fact...
- [He makes backwards sounding noises]
- Homestar Runner: Okay, there. I think I reversed it.
- [Pom Pom is heard bubbling]
- Homestar Runner: What? What do you mean that doesn't work? Oh, crap.
- [He races to Marzipan's house with a tape full of fake messages]
- Homestar Runner: All's I gotta do is switch out the tapes, and none will be the wiser.
- [Homestar places the tape full of fake messages into the answering machine]
- Homestar Runner: [message greeting; doing a poor imitation of Marzipan] Oh, hey, this is Marzipan... and, um... leave a message after my beeps. Beep.
- Homestar Runner: [message four; doing a poor imitation of Strong Bad] Oh, hey, Marzipan, this is Strong Bad. Um, go around... go around with doo-doo on your head... 'cause it'd be funny. Okay, bye. Beep.
- Homestar Runner: [message three; doing a poor imitation of Coach Z without the accent] Hey there, Marzipan. This is Coach Z. I was just wonderin' why you weren't at field hockey practice today. Um... great job. Oh, I mean... great *job*. Oh, I mean... great JOB. Boop.
- Homestar Runner: [message two; doing a poor imitation of Strong Sad] Oh, hey Marzipan this is Strong Sad. Um... some animal died. Boop.
- Homestar Runner: [message one; doing a poor imitation of himself] Hey there, Marzipan, this is your boyfriend, Homestar Runner. You're the best girlfriend I ever had. Let's have a marriage. Let's have a marriage license. Okay, bye. Boop.
- [Homestar enters Strong Bad's computer room, looking for Strong Bad, who is actually nowhere to be found]
- Homestar Runner: Strong Bad! Hey, Strong Bad, can I borrow your fondue pot again? Oh, you're not here. I'll get to the bottom of this.
- [He sits down at the Compy and types on it]
- Homestar Runner: "Dear Stong Bah, Where are you? Your friend, Homestar".
- [He then notices a sticky note on the computer screen]
- Homestar Runner: Oh.
- [He reads the note: "In da basement. From SB"]
- Homestar Runner: Oh, that must stand for Stong Bah.
- [He gets up and leaves]
- Skate Party: [singing The Cheat Theme Song] Who's always givin' Strong Bad a hand? The Cheat. The Cheat. Who's always messin' up Homestar's plans? The Cheat. The Cheat. Who's gonna start a rock and roll band? The Cheat. The Cheat. Who's...
- Homestar Runner: Making out with Marzipan...
- Skate Party: The Cheat. The Cheat. The Cheat, The Cheat is in the house. Who's the man that looks like The Cheat? The Cheat. The Cheat. Who's the one with yellow feet? The Cheat. The Cheat. Who's the dude that moves to the beat? The Cheat. The Cheat. Who's the guy from 21 Jump Street? Not The Cheat. Not The Cheat. The Cheat. The Cheat.
- Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman: [singing in sped-up voices] Homestar, run, go! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Homestar Runner's really great! Homestar Runner, athalate! Homestar Runner, Pom Pom, too! Homestar Runner, we love you! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Homestar Runner, do your best! Homestar Runner, pass the test! Homestar Runner, mom and dad! Look out, Homestar! It's Strong Bad! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Hooomestaaar, run! Run! Hooomestaaar, run. Weekdays.
- [Homestar and Strong Bad are sick]
- Homestar Runner: Hey, Strong Bad, my burps smell really bad. Check this out.
- [He tries to breathe, only to wheeze]
- Homestar Runner: Hang on.
- Strong Bad: Ugh, go away! I can't smell anything anyways.
- Homestar Runner: Oh, I'm betting you can smell these.
- Strong Bad: Yeah, well, you're lucky it's your burps that smell. DO NOT go into Strong Mad's room. Or as I've taken to calling it, Rotten Egglünd.
- [Strong Mad is so sick, he is quarantined in his room]
- Strong Mad: [from inside] Somebody help!
- Homestar Runner: Hey, what's your favorite Halloween candy?
- Little Girl: [mumbling] Lollipops.
- Homestar Runner: Longiepops?
- Little Girl: Lollipops!
- Homestar Runner: Lollipops; what flavor lollipops?
- Little Girl: Um, chocolate.
- Homestar Runner: [laughing] Chocolate lollipops?
- Little Girl: Do you like 'em?
- Homestar Runner: I've never had one!
- Little Girl: You like 'em?
- Homestar Runner: I don't think that's scientifically possible.
- Homestar Runner: [singing as The Cheat accompanies on keyboard] Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it's true. Oh, yeah. You've got to do the best you can. And work out twice a day. Don't ask me why I said it. Because I already forgot.
- [song ends]
- Homestar Runner: Thanks, The Cheat! That was great!
- The Cheat: [agreeing The Cheat noises]
- Homestar Runner: So, I guess you'll go on back to puttin' dog food in my shoes, huh?
- The Cheat: [affirmative The Cheat noises]
- Homestar Runner: Okay! See you later!
- Cheerleader: [trying on an elephant head] I'm going for a whole new style!
- So and So, The Ugly One: No good!
- Cheerleader: Oh, well I think it's hella tight. And you guys need boyfriends.
- So and So, The Ugly One: That's true.
- [the Cheat had shown Strong Bad a cartoon he made in which Strong Bad has purple boxing gloves and his underwear peeks out of his pants]
- Strong Bad: PURPLE BOXING GLOVES? Did you do any fact-checking before you turned this in? What if I did that to you? Oh yeah, The Cheat, he's a striped, green rabbit... with two butts!
- The Cheat: [angry The Cheat noises]
- Strong Bad: But you made my underwears showing! Everybody knows I don't wear underwears.
- The Cheat: [more The Cheat noises]
- Strong Bad: Mmm... all right. You get an iron cup... full of Brunswick Stew.
- [He places a cup full of stew on the desk]
- The Cheat: [happy The Cheat noises]
- Strong Bad: But lemme tell ya's: with a little extra effort, it would have been a trophy full of Steak-umms.
- The Cheat: [a The Cheat noise that means, "Aw..."]
- Strong Bad: Guy drops a couple of JPEGs in his cartoons and thinks he's, like, the guy who draws "The Lockhorns" or something. Now THAT guy knows funny!
- The Ugly One: Three springrolls, please.
- Strong Bad: MSG'd!
- The Ugly One: Oww! My stomach lining!
- Cheerleader: We'll get to that one later.
- So and So: This outfit look so good or no good?
- Cheerleader, The Ugly One: So good!
- The Ugly One: My stomach feels better.
- Cheerleader: Where have you been?
- What's Her Face: I met a possum.
- Cheerleader: Good for you. Ready, gallies?
- Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One: Pose!
- What's Her Face: My blood hurts.
- Cheerleader: Isa my underwears showing?
- The Ugly One, What's Her Face: Yes, ma'am.
- Cheerleader: Grood. I mean, good... and great. Great and good.
- What's Her Face: Tee hee.
- The Ugly One: We're cool.
- Strong Bad: No, you're not!