- [Foggy recalls his military service]
- Foggy Dewhurst: Yes, some of us gave our health and strength to the empire.
- [Foggy scowls at Compo]
- Foggy Dewhurst: And some of us gave it Woodbines and funny women.
- Compo Simmonite: Aye, well, tha's lost the empire but I've still got Woodbines and funny women.
- [Ivy lectures Sid while Compo and the others look in unnoticed through the café windows]
- Ivy: And don't you forget it!
- [Ivy wallops Sid on the top of the head with a serving tray, then exits into the kitchen]
- Ivy: [Compo enters the cafe]
- Compo Simmonite: Ha-ha-ha! She's playful with a trayful, is your Ivy.
- Foggy Dewhurst: It'll only be a mild concussion, Sidney.
- Norman Clegg: I'll tell you something, Sidney. Someone's gonna dig up this skull in a million years' time and come to the conclusion that there was a breed of Yorkshiremen with very flat heads. For which, of course, the flat cap had to be invented.
- [last lines]
- Norman Clegg: You'd think she'd have more patience with infants in prams.
- Foggy Dewhurst: She's never looked a string of patience to me. I was once bitten by a Jack Russell terrier that was friendlier than that.
- Compo Simmonite: Well, she's never bitten me. And it's not as though I haven't tried.
- Norman Clegg: Mm.