Superintendent Skinner: [to T.J., who is dressed as a punk] Hello, son! I notice you're not lined up with the other students!
Theodore J. 'T.J.' Detweiler: That's because I reject you, man! You and everything you stand for!
Superintendent Skinner: Well that's fairly disturbing...
Principal Prickly: [nervously] W-well that's just T.J. Detweiler, sir. He was just joking around.
[He brings Gretchen forward she's dressed as a goth]
Principal Prickly: Ahhh, here's the intelligent and courteous Gretchen Grundler. Say hello to the very important man, Gretchen.
Gretchen Grundler: Greetings are depressing. Life is pointless. Leave me now to grapple with my own irrelevance as I confer to young adulthood... man.
Vince LaSalle: [desperately grabs Prickly] I know I gotta make weight, but I can't live on ginseng and egg whites forever!
Mikey Blumberg: [covered in fake zits] I'm breaking out! Yet another sock hop spent alone with my regrets...
Gus Griswald: [blandly] I have father issues.
Superintendent Skinner: By Jove, Prickly! These are just the types of problems you'll be encountering in Middle School! It's the perfect opportunity for you to show off your one-on-one counseling skills.
Principal Prickly: Oh... well, certainly, sir!
[to TJ]
Principal Prickly: You, back off!
[to Gretchen]
Principal Prickly: You, cheer up!
[to Vince]
Principal Prickly: You, eat something!
[to Mikey]
Principal Prickly: You, cut back on the fried foods!
[to Gus]
Principal Prickly: You, mow the lawn!
Spinelli: [dressed up as a cute Valley Girl] You are so dreamy!
Principal Prickly: Argh! Get a hamster!
Superintendent Skinner: Prickly! What decisive handling on those children's strange problems!