Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (2006 Video Game)

Maria Chambers: DJ Toni (Co-Host of Flash FM)

Quotes 

• Teri : This is Flash FM, playing you the most important records of our time.

  Toni - Flash FM : What? Those made by guys I've slept with?

  Teri : No, those that have sold a lot, dumbass.

• Teri : Did we screw last night? I was so wasted.

  Toni - Flash FM : I don't know. But if we did, you sucked 'cause I totally don't remember.

• Teri : The twin temptresses of pop on Flash FM, talking really fast about the Top 40 way, so you don't have time to ponder your shallow existence. Or the fact that Toni has herpes. Let's have another hit!

  Toni - Flash FM : I got them from your dad... Bitch!

• Toni - Flash FM : So, I was sleeping with this married guy and he was so hot. I couldn't even believe it! Like, we were going and going and going for hours and hours!

  Teri : Figures, you skank.

  Toni - Flash FM : At least, I have some energy.

  Teri : Uh, excuse me?

  Toni - Flash FM : You deadbeat hag!

  Teri : Uh, at least I got the best coke in the world.

  Toni - Flash FM : Yeah, and you're so cracked out on it, you can't even get it up. Wait a minute...

• Teri : Flash FM! Only the rules get busted, not Toni or Teri.

  Toni - Flash FM : That's right, I've blown every policeman who's ever pulled me over.

  Teri : Slut. I've only blown the hot ones. The ugly guys get a handjob.

• Toni - Flash FM : Flash FM, reminding you that gasoline and alcohol don't mix, so don't drink any gasoline. I tried it once when I was really desperate for a buzz!

• Teri : Coming up next, Hall & Oates, "Family Man!"

  Toni - Flash FM : It's about sluts picking up married men at hotel bars. God, it's the story of my life!

• Toni - Flash FM : Hey there, baby, I love pop music! I can tell you, it reminds me that everything is young and disposable. Teri wouldn't know that.

  Teri : Ugh, I'm 25!

  Toni - Flash FM : And 25 is, like, the new 40. Like, oh my God, you might die any moment! You're going grey.

• Toni - Flash FM : Man, I ,like, dig this place! Like, the T-shirt says "I Heart Vice City." Man, I ,like, so "Heart" this place! It's pretty bitchin'! I get laid a lot.

  Teri : No, you don't. It means "I Love Vice City." It's symbolic, as in, "I'd Heart Your Ugly Face Getting Run Over By An 18-Wheeler, You Tramp?"

• Teri : Man, I ,like, dig this place! Like, the T-shirt says "I Heart Vice City." Man, I ,like, so "Heart" this place! It's pretty bitchin'! I get laid a lot.

  Toni - Flash FM : No, you don't. It means "I Love Vice City." It's symbolic, as in, "I'd Heart Your Ugly Face Getting Run Over By An 18-Wheeler, You Tramp?"

• Toni - Flash FM : Synthesizers are like teen boys. You just wanna play with them late at night and then go back to sleep on the bus next morning.

  Teri : What are you talking about, Toni?

  Toni - Flash FM : I'm talking about music and infidelity and smoking cigarettes while riding on the back of a motorcycle. Something you wouldn't know anything about. I'm talking about life, pop music, narcotics. Oh God, I'm, like, sweating now! I feel like this is really my time in the universe and I'll never stop chasing those dreams!

• Teri : Music is like friends that come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant. And busboys tend to be illegal immigrants and hot! That's what I'm talking about. If it's illegal and hot, bring it on! What's a girl to do?

  Toni - Flash FM : If you weren't bleeding out your nose, maybe you'd actually get laid.