The Office (TV Series)

Conflict Resolution (2006)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dwight Schrute : ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

• Jim Halpert : Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo ID taken together.

  Dwight Schrute : That doesn't make any sense.

  Jim Halpert : Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning, walk in together. Perfect.

  The Photographer : Smile.

  Dwight Schrute : No.

  [He stares right at camera as photographer takes the picture. To film crew] 

  Dwight Schrute : I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

  Jim Halpert : This came out really well. There you go.

  Dwight Schrute : This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

  Jim Halpert : What did I write?

  [Dwight walks away while Jim smiles at camera] 

• [a furious Dwight barges into the conference room, interrupting a meeting involving Michael, Stanley and Phyllis. He opens a box containing all the paperwork from his numerous complaints against Jim and rifles through it, becoming angrier by the second] 

  Dwight Schrute : [shouting]  No, no!

  [to Michael] 

  Dwight Schrute : Four years of malfeasance unreported! This cannot stand.

  Michael Scott : Okay, calm down.

  Dwight Schrute : No, you calm down. Whose side is Toby on?

  [yells] 

  Dwight Schrute : Whose side are you on?

  Michael Scott : Hey!

  Dwight Schrute : Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore. Either he goes, or I go!

  Michael Scott : Dwight, stop...

  Dwight Schrute : [shouting]  You choose! One of us is out of here by the end of today!

  [He grabs the box and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him] 

  Michael Scott : ...Okay.

• Dwight Schrute : I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.