Keiron Self: Roger Bailey

Quotes 

• Ben Harper : Nice car, Roger.

  Roger Bailey : Well, I get you there! Not a million miles to the gallon, but...

  Ben Harper : Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, payments must be horrendous?

  Roger Bailey : Oh, I paid cash for it.

  Ben Harper : [Gasps]  Cash?

  Roger Bailey : A little present to myself. Thought you'd might like to go for a spin.

  Ben Harper : No, no, no! Not now. No, no. I've got to see my boat dealer. Yeah, yeah... I'm ordering some whale foreskin for my bar stools.

  Abi Harper : Oh, my nan's got a sofa like that!

• Ben Harper : Ladies and gentlemen, can I draw your attention to this man here? This man! He is living proof that Pyramus actually works! This man, up until now, was a humble and semi-competent dentist. But after two days - yes, two days - he was able to purchase a top-of-the-range sports car! What car do you own, Roger?

  Roger Bailey : It... it's a Porsche.

  Ben Harper : Yes, a Porsche! Ladies and gentlemen, did you hear that? A Porsche! And how much did that car cost you, Roger?

  Roger Bailey : £30,000.

  Ben Harper : Yes, £30,000! And how did you get that money... stranger?

  Roger Bailey : Ben, I, I need...

  Ben Harper : Go on, tell them, Roger! Tell them!

  Roger Bailey : Ben...

  Ben Harper : Damn it, Roger! Tell them the truth!

  Roger Bailey : My aunt died and left me the money.