My Family (TV Series)
And Other Animals (2006)
Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper
Quotes
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Susan Harper : He's sleepwalking again. Don't wake him. The shock will kill him.
Ben Harper : ALFIE! WAKE UP, FOR GOD'S SAKE! ALFIE!
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Susan Harper : Now, remember, Michael, if the other boys are too rough, you can always come home.
Michael Harper : Mum, it's a Cadet Officer Training Force weekend. It's supposed to be rough. I expect to survive by eating my own liver.
Susan Harper : I thought you hated liver.
Ben Harper : Nope, he hates your liver.
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Ben Harper : Your camouflage isn't working, Mikey! I can still see you!
Michael Harper : If we were in the jungle, I could rip your heart out and show it to you.
Susan Harper : What heart?
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Susan Harper : My babies are all going!
Ben Harper : Oh, please, Susan! They're not your babies anymore! They're just drains on our disposable income!
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Michael Harper : [Before leaving for cadet school] I leave a callow youth, but I shall return a seasoned warrior.
Susan Harper : Shall I record 'The OC' for you?
Michael Harper : Oh, yes, please?
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Susan Harper : Oh, Ben, they're all disappearing.
Ben Harper : Mmm!
Susan Harper : Even Alfie's not going to be here this weekend.
Ben Harper : Good! Well, you've still got me.
[Reads newspaper]
Ben Harper : Oh, brilliant! Oh, yes! There's a three-hour documentary on World War II!
Susan Harper : I don't want to spoil the plot, Ben, but we win!
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Susan Harper : Oh, Abi! Say you've changed your mind and you're going to be around this weekend.
Abi Harper : Sorry. I just got to Roger's house and I remembered he was coming to pick me up! Why do relationships have to be so complicated?
Ben Harper : They just are, Abi! Get over it!
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Susan Harper : So, that's all Roger's planning to do?
Abi Harper : Yes! Unless you can think of something more fun that two adults can do together!
Ben Harper : So, doesn't Roger want to do anything else except watch films about elves?
Abi Harper : No. No, he doesn't. Hang on! You don't think Roger's...
Susan Harper , Ben Harper : Gay?
Abi Harper : I was going to say an elf! Why did you say gay?
Susan Harper : Yes, Ben! Why did you say that?
Ben Harper : What... I... Y... You know, I meant, 'happy' as 'gay happy'. Gay happy, you know? Why do people change these words? It's political correctness gone mad!
Roger Bailey : Hello! Hope you don't mind me coming round the back!
Ben Harper : I'm saying nothing!
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Susan Harper : [after Janey is about to throw away her old teddy bear] Janey, Janey, Janey! No, no! What are you doing?
Janey Harper : What?
Susan Harper : That's Mr Tibbs! Mr Tibbs has been in our family for decades! Grandpa gave you this when you were four years old on your chickenpox.
Janey Harper : Yeah, but... he's so old and manky, mum.
Susan Harper : You shouldn't throw things out just because they're old. I mean, look at your father.
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Janey Harper : Where did that dog come from?
Ben Harper : The bowels of hell. Thankfully, he's not staying. Your mother's been in touch with the police... haven't you, darling?
Susan Harper : Mmhmm... Well, I've just got to go and get dressed. I'm taking Ben for a walk.
Ben Harper : Ben? When did you start calling him Ben?
Susan Harper : When he started scratching himself inappropriately!
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Susan Harper : [to the dog] What are we going to call you? We can't keep calling you Ben - too many negative connotations. What are we going to call you?
Ben Harper : In Korea, they call him dinner!
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Susan Harper : Alfie! What happened to you?
Alfie Butts : I was beaten up by Liam Gallagher. And Liam Gallagher. And Liam Gallagher.
Susan Harper : He's concussed!
Alfie Butts : I was in town auditioning for an Oasis tribute band. I was queuing up with some other potential Liam Gallaghers when a fist fight broke out.
Susan Harper : So you didn't even audition?
Alfie Butts : It turns out that was the audition!