Siobhan Hayes: Abi Harper

Quotes 

• Susan Harper : Oh, Abi! Say you've changed your mind and you're going to be around this weekend.

  Abi Harper : Sorry. I just got to Roger's house and I remembered he was coming to pick me up! Why do relationships have to be so complicated?

  Ben Harper : They just are, Abi! Get over it!

• Abi Harper : We're having a Lord Of The Rings sleepover. Roger's got a box set of the trilogy - we're going to watch all four films!

• Susan Harper : So, that's all Roger's planning to do?

  Abi Harper : Yes! Unless you can think of something more fun that two adults can do together!

  Ben Harper : So, doesn't Roger want to do anything else except watch films about elves?

  Abi Harper : No. No, he doesn't. Hang on! You don't think Roger's...

  Susan Harper , Ben Harper : Gay?

  Abi Harper : I was going to say an elf! Why did you say gay?

  Susan Harper : Yes, Ben! Why did you say that?

  Ben Harper : What... I... Y... You know, I meant, 'happy' as 'gay happy'. Gay happy, you know? Why do people change these words? It's political correctness gone mad!

  Roger Bailey : Hello! Hope you don't mind me coming round the back!

  Ben Harper : I'm saying nothing!

• Roger Bailey : [as Gollum]  Morning, my precious!

  Abi Harper : Morning, Legoland!

  Roger Bailey : Legolas! Legolas!

• Roger Bailey : I'm going to whip you up a smashing breakfast - Eggs Roger! It's just like Eggs Benedict, but instead of using spinach, I use creamed leeks with just a soupçon of cinnamon!

  Abi Harper : Haven't you got any Frosties?

  Roger Bailey : Would Audrey Hepburn have Frosties at Tiffany's?

• Abi Harper : [Going through Roger's DVD collection to see if he is gay]  Alien. Aliens. Goodfellas. Hmm! Gay? As if, Ben!

  [pause] 

  Abi Harper : Gone With The Wind? Priscilla: Queen of the Desert? The Sound of Music?

• Roger Bailey : How about I put some music on?

  Abi Harper : Let me guess - Will Young?

  Roger Bailey : Hah! Why would I put on Will... Abigail Harper, you don't think I'm... a fan of Pop Idol?

  Abi Harper : Then, what are you going to put on? Bronski Beat? Kylie?

  Roger Bailey : Kylie? What are you talking about? Oh, my God! Abi, you think I'm gay?

  Abi Harper : I'm sorry, Roger! Forget I said anything!

  Roger Bailey : How can I forget it? The genie is out of the bottle!

  Abi Harper : Roger, please! Where are you going?

  Roger Bailey : Mykonos! Isn't that where we all go?

• Roger Bailey : Listen, Abi. While I was out walking, I came to a momentous decision.

  Abi Harper : Oh, yeah?

  Roger Bailey : Something that might change our lives forever.

  Abi Harper : What's that?

  Roger Bailey : Sometime tonight, I'm going to... I am going to... I'm going...

  Abi Harper : Spit it out, Roger!

  Roger Bailey : I'm going to kiss you.

  Abi Harper : Ooh! That'd be nice.

  Roger Bailey : It's going to be warm and wonderful and tender and spontaneous.

  Abi Harper : Really? When's that going to be?

  Roger Bailey : Well, if I tell you, it will rather spoil the spontaneity!